36 Weeks 5 Days

As of today I am officially more pregnant than I've ever been before. This is all new territory from here.

Timing

Thursday night Mr. b asked me if he thought I was going to make it through the weekend. I replied, "I honestly don't know."

We got a rather decent sized snow storm on Thursday afternoon. All evening I felt just shitty. Extra contraction-y and lethargic and weird. I figured it must be due to the barometric pressure change. I know a full moon can trigger labor so it made sense that the air pressure would, too. And then it would fit in with family mythology perfectly: when I was little I would ask "why" and "how come" questions of my uncle unendingly. Legend has it that one day he got sick of actually explaining things and exasperatedly responded, "It's the air pressure, [belsum]!" My parents have never let me live that down.

Yesterday morning I felt fine so it really seemed that it was, indeed, the air pressure.

But last night it started in again. Early evening and into the night the contractions started up. I wasn't timing them or anything but there was certainly a repetitive feeling. Almost a rhythm. They're lasting longer, though they still don't truly hurt. Very uncomfortable, yes. Obviously my body is preparing for birth. If I make it to my next appointment Monday morning I'm betting I'll have dilated considerably more. However, my new theory is gravity. Because I've been feeling this way late in the day I have to wonder if it's just because I've been upright all day. I've been joking that I don't need to be on bedrest because I just work at a computer. But I honestly felt a lot better last night once I stretched out on the couch.

And this morning I feel fine.

Other similarities that I'm going to keep my eye on include serious hunger in the evening, craving for protein (especially red meat), and insomnia for an hour from about 3:30am to 4:30am.

I wonder how long this pattern can keep up?

The End is Nigh?

Yesterday morning was my latest ob check-up. I’m at 34 and a half weeks and am already 2cm dilated. Now, New Doc made sure to mention that it’s really quite common for a non-first timer to be that dilated already but he’s also finally fully onboard the this-baby’s-comin’-early train. That’s the whole reason he did the internal exam in the first place. After talking through all the usual stuff (weight gain 1 pound, belly measures 35cm, baby heartbeat normal, blah blah blah) he decided that we’d better go ahead and do the Strep B test. I never had it last time so it was all new to me. Hell, I’ve never had my cervix checked when I wasn’t in labor so that was a new one, too!

New Doc explained how they measure the centimeters by the size of their finger tips. That actually made sense to me. When I used to work in the field we all knew the length of our stride so we could easily count off the correct number of paces for 10 meters. You just need that initial baseline and then go with it. But what freaked me out a little was when he said that he could actually feel the head through my cervix. Whoa. So does that mean she’s dropped? Not sure the actual definition of “dropping”. My hips are sore pretty much all the time so obviously my pelvis is spreading. I can feel a strange sort of pressure on my labia that must be from everything above starting to come downward. I didn’t pay much attention to these kinds of details last time because, well, I wasn’t expecting to have a baby a month ahead of schedule!

Upon New Doc’s request, I actually rescheduled my next appointment for earlier in the week. Since Sunday is my day for the week count to reset, having the 36 week one on Thursday would put me at 36 weeks and 4 days. Well, I had Kirk at 36 weeks and 5 days. So. Now it’s set for Monday instead. We’ll see if I actually make it or not. Ideally it would be good to make it over that 37 week line but I’m finding that less and less likely.

The Braxton Hicks have started to come more frequently. They used to be at night only and now show up whenever the hell they feel like it. There’s no pattern still but the intensity has certainly increased. It’s often a much sharper feeling, verging just on the edge of pain, instead of the general sort of squeezing tightness they’ve been causing previously. And sometimes they definitely last longer than just for a brief moment. On top of that, my first trimester constipation issues have returned with a vengeance. Only now that I know I’m already dilated, I’m sort of paranoid that pushing out a turd will be bad for the baby! Plus the poo cramps mix in with the BH and make my entire abdominal region just a festive mélange of uncomfortable annoyances. Oh and the back aches. Let’s not forget those. General pregnancy posture issues? Precursor to back labor? Who knows. But I totally have old man back and I grunt and sigh when standing. It’s kind of ridiculous.

Mr. b’s workmates have started a baby pool. I’ve been trying to make sure all my work items are squared away. What I really need to do is buy some frickin’ Dreft and wash the few non-spit-up stained, non-gender specific items I pulled out of Kirk’s old bin and the adorable prezzies sent by last year’s Best Original Screenplay Academy Award Winner so they’re ready to go. Everything else we’ll figure out as it’s needed.

Preoccupied Planning

Nothing much to report after my ob appointment on Thursday morning. I gained another 2 pounds, which brings my cumulative total so far up to 10. The ultimate total will of course depend upon how early this girl arrives. I remain about 2 cm bigger than my gestational weeks. Because Kirk was so early and I told New Doc I’m expecting something similar to happen this time around, he decided to move my Strep B test up. Now I’ll be having it at my next appointment, instead of waiting for the one at 36 weeks which is a bit more typical. We also briefly discussed pain management options. I still don’t like the idea of an epidural and since I was fine with just Nubain added to my IV last time I figure we’ll simply wait and see how it goes. Birth plans are a load of hooey anyways; it’s not like the kid cares what you’re planning!

Basically all my time is now being spent freaking out about daycare and preschool. I have no idea what I’m going to do with either kid. All the places I’ve talked to so far that have both programs are way too expensive. Hell, even just preschool for Kirk is turning out to be close to twice what I’m currently paying for daycare for him. I wish we didn’t have to do dual drop-off but that’s looking increasingly unlikely. Kirk is really just plain ready for preschool but since his best friend is K’s son it’s not like he’d be upset to stay there or anything. Frankly it looks like we’re getting to the point where it *almost* makes better sense for one of us to stay home. Almost. Because even with the savings in child care we’d still need that extra couple hundred. Right now Mr. b is actually able to earn overtime, which is unheard of in the current state of the economy, so we can’t ignore that opportunity. And all our benefits are through me so I can’t be the one home either. Still researching options but my sense of optimism is dwindling fast.

Make eye appointment for Kirk

Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk

Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants

Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy

Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital

Make 32, 34, and 36 week ob appointments

Make Kindergarten pre-screening appointment for Kirk

Register for baby stuff

Write letter to Grandma

Figure out SSN/Name issue with IRS

Research life insurance options

Defer student loans

So Emotional, Baby

Kirk has been highly emotional of late. He’s going through some definite fine-tuning development or something. It’s both fascinating to watch and extremely frustrating. He’s having a lot of difficulty with his father leaving. Mr. b is in school and has class 3 nights a week plus band obligations so obviously leaving is a common occurrence. Kirk really freaks out and literally refuses to let him go. However, if his daddy is already gone then it’s no big deal to not have him there. So if Mr. b is already at work by the time we get up in the morning then it’s just funny, “My daddy took the bus when it was still nigh-nighs? That’s so weird! My daddy is a weirdo.”

He’s becoming desperately possessive of his current precious toys. This morning we wouldn’t let him bring his sonic screwdriver (Star Wars and Indy 4 light-up cereal spoons) to daycare. He’s already lost 3 of the 4 we had and we just wanted to keep this last one safe. But he freaked out and threw a major fit, hitting his dad repeatedly and screaming the whole way. Of course then he was remorseful and didn’t want us to leave for work once we got there.

Kirk is also becoming chickenshit. He psyches himself out of situations that he’s never had a problem with before. The last time we were at the fancy indoor playground he got himself stuck at the top like a cat in a tree. He had to have some kind pre-teen help him down. We went to Burger King last week and Kirk refused to climb in the playland area at all, even with his dad going in there with him. Yet when we put our collective foot down this weekend and wouldn’t let him get away with not even trying what we were having for lunch, he ended up eating tons of what he was sticking his nose up at. So it’s physical fears more than other kinds? I’m not sure. He’s beginning to see things in the dark, which I know is a common developmental milestone for this age. Same with occasional nightmares and bad dreams.

And yet while all this is going on Kirk’s become incredibly sweet regarding his imminent baby sister. He’s extremely possessive of her, constantly asking, “That’s my baby, right Mama?” He will pet my stomach, kiss it, talk to it, “tickle” it. He worries that a random freckle is an owie on his sister. He plans out all the things he’s going to teach her. He was really upset when he learned that he’d have to stay with Auntie when I go to the hospital and only calmed down when I reassured him he’d then get to come, too, to meet her after she’s born. “Having a baby out of your tummy is a lot of hard work Mama.” I don’t know where he got that from but he’s not wrong!

Temporal Mechanics

Two nights in a row now I've had beginning-of-labor dreams. They're nothing particularly special, in the first my water broke and in both I knew that the, ahem, butt issues were yet another classic symptom. I was very conscious of the fact that this was It, though I wasn't actually experiencing contractions in the dreams. Of course after I woke up from the first one I was then kept awake by more Braxton Hicks. Figures.

This goes along with my increasing suspicion that I'm going to be going early again. I don't have anything to base this on other than crazy mama psychic vibes. New Doctor and I were joking at my make-up appointment Thursday morning (Tuesday afternoon got canceled due to him having to deliver a baby) that there's not exactly a lot of sample data yet. We'll know better after this one if that's a common thing for me or not. Heh.

My weight gain went back to my more usual 2 pounds per month so I was pleased to hear that. So far no return of the weird armpit bumps that have come and gone throughout this entire pregnancy. And the doctor figured that the weak spells I was experiencing were more likely blood sugar related, though he didn't rule out blood pressure as apparently that can drop due to the increased body area that needs to be supplied (ie my big belly) or possibly even simple dehydration when amniotic fluid is being produced.

However, he also then measured my belly. All through this pregnancy I've been right on the money for the magic centimeters to gestation comparison. I was at 30 weeks but 32 cm. I seem to remember something similar with Kirk, though I can't recall exactly when my belly moved ahead. Now, New Doc confirmed that the measurements can vary 2 cm either side of the week you're on but since I've always been exact, that stood out to me. We shall see. Like I said, I've got nothing solid to base this on other than a gut feeling. Lord knows I don't need to have a premie. But I'm also trying to step up the remaining preparations I wanted to deal with. I found the bin of Kirk's earliest, babiest clothes and I'm going to pull out whatever looks non-gender specific for starters.

Make eye appointment for Kirk

Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk

Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants

Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy

Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital

Make 32, 34, and 36 week ob appointments

Make Kindergarten pre-screening appointment for Kirk

Register for baby crap (We're constantly being asked by out-of-state friends, relatives, and people that didn't know us when we had Kirk if there's anything we need)

Belly of the Beast

So this morning I couldn’t get out of the car. I literally couldn’t fit. Now, the spaces in that section of the ramp are incredibly tight and the car on the right was over the line but still. I couldn’t manage to squeeze out. Mr. b had to climb back in to the car, back it up, let me get out, and then re-park. Theoretically there’s enough room for me to get in when I leave for my doctor’s appointment this afternoon. But still. That was a helluva thing.

I’ve definitely moved past the point where fetal movements are charming and only occasionally annoying. They now are nearly always uncomfortable, if not downright hurty. But one good thing is that the girl hasn’t had the hiccups. I remember that was a pretty frequent occurrence for Kirk. However, after taking some time off, the Braxton Hicks returned in the wee hours this morning, keeping me awake.

We’ve also gotten to the point where sex is becoming extremely complicated. I just can’t figure out what tricks we learned last time. Or else maybe they don’t work this time? Of course then we didn’t have to also contend with shouts of “I’ve gotta go poop!” from down the hall to thoroughly break the mood.

I’ve noticed that when I change my weight between sitting and standing or get up from laying down that I suddenly feel like I have to pee. So there’s definite pressure happening on the ol’ bladder. And my stomach continues to be squeezed into a tinier space, making me fuller quicker but then ready to snack soon afterwards. That’s got to be why I put on 6 pounds last time.

I’m sort of shocked to realize that there’s really only about 2 months left. That’s gonna go faster than we notice. I’ll be switching to every-two-weeks for appointments after today. Hopefully my weight gain is in check. I’ve only been to the gym once in the past 3 weeks. I still have so many Responsible Adult things to get done before the baby comes. And if she decides to be nearly a month early like her brother, well, then I’m fraked.

Make eye appointment for Kirk (My dad always starts a list with something that’s already done.)

Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk

Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants

Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy

Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital

25 Weeks 6 Days

I had my doctor visit and glucose test yesterday. This time it was fruit punch flavor. The thing about that stuff is...it doesn't start out tasting so bad. And it's only 10 ounces. But you have to drink the whole thing in 5 minutes or less and frankly about halfway through it starts to just be Too Much. Hopefully the fact that I had just had pizza at my holiday lunch at work won't skew my results any. I definitely felt myself crashing once the sugar rush wore off later in the afternoon.

Weight-wise I've shot up 6 pounds since last month. That took me by surprise, though it really shouldn't have. My clothes have been noticeably tighter, even some of the maternity stuff I had saved from before. And I've been eating more. Many of the taste issues I've been having this pregnancy have suddenly lessened. And holy cow those savory breakfasts I've been favoring sure have a way higher calorie count. Plus my salt tooth has come back, though my sweet tooth is still going strong. So basically now I'm having twice the evening snacks since I'll have some chips or popcorn or something first and then move on to the candy or ice cream or cookies. Bad, bad, bad. I need to dial it back.

But hey, at least we have a working oven again! Mr. b found one on Craigslist earlier this week for the cost of the part to fix the old one. So he and my dad went to pick it up this morning and now it's in and I guess I should decide if I need to do any holiday baking or not. Certainly I don't need more sweets around the house. But I wouldn't mind bringing in something to share at work or at least bringing something to my sister's house for Christmas Day dinner.

Worst. Night. Ever.

Last night I got up with Kirk at around 2:40. That's pretty common. He frequently ends up with a wet bed because those damn pull-ups just seem to leak all the time. The problem this time? I couldn't fall back to sleep. And it wasn't regular insomnia. I started having nasty cramps.

My first thought, of course, was to freak out about the baby. How many weeks am I? I can never remember. It's somewhere around 24 I think. Definitely not far enough for a premature birth. But then the nature of the cramping didn't fit with the actual early labor pains that I experienced last time. This was more violent. Could it be food poisoning? I had been out to dinner with some girlfriends earlier that night. Still, it wasn't until the puking started that I finally eradicated the notion of it being gestationally related.

Two and a half hours later I was finally able to head back to bed. The chills and the hot flashes and the issues at both ends all made me wonder the whole time if this was somehow bad for the baby. The little girl, however, was extremely active during the entire ordeal. That was a comfort, if you can call anything comforting while going through that. I guess she thought it was a party in my tummy.

Gender Appears Female

Ten fingers. Ten toes. All the correct organs in all the right spots. And three little lines between the legs, apparently the labia. It seems that Mr. b beat me to the punch and already wrote up his thoughts on learning we are having a girl. Like he said, we all already knew that it was a girl. I was 90% sure going in to the ultrasound that it was a girl. For Kirk I was definitely leaning towards boy but I didn’t have anywhere near the certainty that I felt this time.

I had lunch on Friday with my mom and some of the retired ladies from her swim class. Finding out the sex of the baby came up and some of them couldn’t believe that you’d want to know. But one of the oldest of the ladies pointed out that they never had the chance to know. The technology didn’t exist then. Basically it came down to some of them would have wanted to find out and some of them would have still waited. I thought that was interesting since that’s exactly how it is now. I can’t imagine not wanting to find out and people that wait can’t imagine wanting to spoil the surprise!

Of course now we are starting to seriously look at the logistics of having another human in the house. First of all, where do we put her? It was easy with Kirk because we just moved the guest bed downstairs and turned the guest room into his bedroom. But neither of us really want to try to squeeze a crib back into his room now that it’s finally been removed. And I don’t think it would be fair or healthy for Kirk to deal with being awakened every night for feedings and all that goes along with a new baby. But there’s certainly no space in our room for more than a bassinette, and barely even that to be honest. So I think we’re going to move downstairs.

The basement living room has an egress window and is counted as a third bedroom. We’d be able to use our current room as a guest room and have plenty of space downstairs for a crib and other baby equipment. Then when she’s older and sleeping through the night we can revisit sharing a room with her brother. Mr. b was talking bunk beds if she was a boy but I don’t see why that can’t still happen. I don’t see anything wrong with a brother and sister sharing a room – at least until they’re 8 or 10 or so. And presumably at that point we’ll have moved into a bigger place anyway. So in the meantime we need to get Kirk used to the idea of him sleeping on a different floor of the house than us. I’m not sure how he’s going to react to being the only one upstairs at night.

And we need to start rearranging furniture and getting rid of crap and organizing the basement. Which is all good stuff and will force us to better utilize a lot of space that’s currently going to waste. And I think we’ll get a dorm fridge in which to keep baby milk.

18 Weeks

I haven’t been doing a very good job of keeping track of what gestational week I’m on this pregnancy. I had to actually ask the doctor yesterday. I knew approximately but I wasn’t sure exactly. I know that my “day” is Sunday but I had just completely spaced out if I was already at 18 or coming upon 18. The former.

I guess that’s one of those Second Pregnancy things. Mr. b is experiencing a different one; he said he can’t even imagine how he could possibly love the new baby as much as he loves Kirk. I’ve actually heard that one before. I’m not sure why I’m not feeling it. Maybe because the reality of another lifeform is more immediate for me? I mean, I can literally feel it moving around.

Mr. b also hasn’t been able to come to all of my ob visits with me like before. Yesterday was the first time he got to hear the heartbeat! He announced he could just tell it’s a girl. New Doc was amused. They also had a small bonding moment of making fun of the preggo’s lack of logic. (Dammit, it makes sense to me to want to buy a new Boppy pillow instead of just steal the old one off of Kirk’s bed!)

It was an uneventful visit other than that. As they should be. I’ve gained 2 pounds since last month which is good I guess since I had been loosing before then. I did learn about the weird sharp pains I’ll occasionally get deep in my belly if I stand up too fast or shift position too abruptly. Apparently it’s the ligaments that anchor the uterus getting stretched and not keeping up with what’s required of them. Makes sense to me and nothing to worry about.

Developments

I’m pretty sure I’m feeling fetal movement now, and not just uterus stuff. It’s still pretty vague and it’s definitely early yet, but a pattern is emerging so that’s why I think it’s Child Person Mark II. Typically in the late evening is when I can feel it and then it’ll last for maybe up to an hour. I’ll have to go back over my early posts to see where I was with Kirk when I first started feeling him. I know it was early for a first timer so I guess it wouldn’t surprise me if I’m noticing it early again now.

Mr. b has gone back to school. We’re still getting used to his new schedule and it’ll change again next semester. The biggest difference for me is that I’m doing the daycare drop off and pick up now. I’ve been taking the bus for so long I need to get used to the new timing. And I won’t be able to read as much. So far Kirk’s been really good about his daddy leaving at night to go to class. In the past he has pitched a fit when Mr. b leaves for band practice but he’s been very understanding about school. I don’t know what it’ll be like when I have a new infant to also deal with in the evenings but so far Kirk and I are keeping ourselves busy. We go on walks or do laundry or yardwork and then start the nigh-nigh routine. We can’t run errands though since Mr. b has the car. That’s going to also take some advance planning to adjust.

I spanked Kirk this morning. I know everyone’s got strong feelings on spanking but frankly, it’s been a long time coming. We’ve been threatening it for several weeks now as counting to three only works sometimes and taking away his toys or blankie only works sometimes and turning off his movies only works sometimes and putting him in time out only works sometimes. He’s a little brat and I was done. I was trying to get him dressed and he was actively fighting me, stepping on his diaper so I couldn’t get it up his legs, and punching and headbutting all the while. So I swatted him on the butt. It certainly wasn’t hard but it was enough to make him pay attention and he cooperated for the rest of the getting ready and was sweet to me at daycare drop off. We’ll see how long it lasts. I should have known I’d be the first to go there. We were just discussing how spoiled he is the other day, too. Some of that is generational of course and some is that we need to step it up. When Kirk doesn’t follow the rules we have been giving him choices: you can go to your room with the door closed or you can sit at the dinner table with us. I gave him two choices this morning: we could use teamwork to get his outfit on or I could hold him against his will and do it myself. That should have been his tip-off that Mama wasn’t gonna play games. And maybe it will be next time he decides to be a jerk instead of “I wanna be good and listen”.

We’re both feeling the need to nest already. It’s not the same as the end of term nesting but it’s real nevertheless. Mr. b cleared a ton of shit out of the basement last week and while it’s all just sitting in the garage now it’s making it easier to see what exactly needs to be done for cleaning and organizing purposes. I’m also desperate for craft projects. I have ideas for everything from framing prints to knitting to embroidery to rug making but I haven’t actually started any of them. What I need to do is make a pattern for my Halloween costume and go to the fabric store. I’m not sure if the DIY impulse is pregnancy related or seasonal. I do typically get a burst of creative energy in the fall.

Kirk has a new trick up his sleeve when it comes to delaying sleep after being put to bed. The interesting thing is that he does not get out of his bed at night – or even in the morning. He’ll sit up and play with Woody and Buzz and talk to himself or shout for us but he won’t actually leave until one of us opens his door. Which has been nice because we were warned up and down that the second he switched from his crib to his big boy bed that he’d be bugging us constantly. However, with the organization trend in the house, we put a short bookcase in his room near his bed and moved his toy stove over to the other side. He dragged the plastic kitchenette back to by his bed, placing it in front of the bookshelf. So now he can reach out and haul the entire thing right next to him and get at the toys that are stored within. Scammer. Smart little bugger! I don’t really care though. He fought going to bed last night with a declaration that he wanted to “stay up all night!” I told him he was welcome to do so: in his room, with the door shut, and the lights off. He was asleep within 20 minutes.

Ob Round-Up

Friday morning I had my first ob visit. But I had to go in on Wednesday morning for the registration. I didn't remember that part at all. Mr. b kept talking about how they gave us free stuff last time when I got the confirmation and how that must be for first timers only. When I got called in it all came back to me: oh yeah! Nurse P and the paperwork and the free stuff! We actually used that diaper bag the whole time for Kirk, until it had disintegrated into nothingness. So thankfully...we've got another one now!

The ob visit itself was fine. The first one is always longest since they have to do the gyn exam, too, and there's the blood work and pee sample. New Doc came highly recommended. Nurse P and Doc and the scheduling lady are all fans so I was looking forward to finally meeting him. Indeed, he was very nice and very funny. Mr. b didn't come with since daycare was on vacation and he was home with Kirk. He missed out on the nifty bedside ultrasound! It looked to me like there was only one fetal blob inside the uterus blob so that's good news. New Doc had presumed he wouldn't be able to hear the heartbeat yet at not quite ten weeks and that's why he busted out the little portable ultrasound. But I've been told since my first gyn at age 15 that my uterus is slanted back at a pretty extreme angle. So even though he couldn't actually see the heartbeat on the viewscreen, when he switched to the audio finder instead, he found it immediately - way down at the pelvic bone.

I've already decided that I do want to bring Kirk with for the big proper ultrasound at 20 weeks. I think it'll be neat for him to see the baby inside mama's tummy.

I've had 3 different due dates suggested so far. The doctor that confirmed the pregnancy was on old ob, long retired from that part of his practice, and used some mental calculations to arrive at March 29th. Nurse P used the plastic calendar dial thingie and said that I was right on the line for frickin' April 1st (which would just figure). New Doc also used the dial thingie but said it was more like March 30th. So I've just been saying "end of March". I actually just had to bite my cousins' rhymes. They sent out an "oops, here comes number 3 announcement" last night, and they're also due at the end of March. I used that as my opening to let the rest of the family know about me, too. I had already told everyone in MN and ND, figuring that the grapevine would do the rest, but still, it seemed like I should actually make a real announcement. Hopefully they'll see the humor. The Fourth of July was a fruitful holiday this year!

Week 36

One more week and I'm officially full term. I find it strange that the range is 37-42 weeks. Well, not really that strange compared to all the rest of the weirdness this little pregnancy project has wrought. Mr. b says that right now if you stick a toothpick in the bun in the oven, you'll get moist crumbs. We need to wait for dry crumbs so the cooking continues.

My brief reprieve from sleeping troubles seems to have ended. Ah well, it was good while it lasted. Now I'm back to waking almost hourly, sometimes to pee and sometimes from sheer uncomfortableness.

I'm ending up with more back aches now, too. Teacher showed us a diagram illustrating how the uterus is anchored at the lower back and that's why so many women end up with sore lower backs. But for me, it's been more in the middle. I think part of the problem is that I can't stretch those muscles the way I used to; there's a baby in the way. And part of the problem is that I'm always bending and twisting in strange ways to try to get this baby out from under my right rib and that's straining my middle back. I was actually in tears yesterday when I got home from work. I couldn't get comfortable either sitting or laying on the couch, even using tons of pillows for extra support. Thankfully Mr. b had impeccable timing and got home just as I was at my breaking point. I felt so much better after a back massage.

Week 35

Even more than the physical aspects of being preggers, I am sick and tired of being psycho. I was crying as I drove to my check-up yesterday. Mr. b had forgotten about it and scheduled himself to work. I was feeling so alone. Which is quite the trick when you're sharing your physical body with another being. I wiped off my tears when I parked, went in and gave my pee sample, and waited to see Doc. And there was Mr. b! He had pulled rank and left his shift early because he didn't want to miss an appointment. Of course seeing him there almost made me start bawling again. I can't wait until I have *some* control over my emotions again.

Doc re-confirmed that Owie Baby's head is down. But she said there's no way to tell if he's facing the right direction. Since I haven't really had any lower back issues, most likely he's anterior. I hope. She also cringed with remembered pain when she saw how he continues to pound at my liver and squirm upwards on and under my ribs on the right. Mr. b wondered if that meant he was big but Doc said he's average still (I gained another whopping 2 pounds so that puts me at 22 total). I guess he's just super wiggly. No surprise considering his father.

Week 34

The birth class really helped to assuage my fears. The instructor was a very cool broad and she said towards the beginning that she was going to gear it more for the "labor partners" than the women, since we had no choice at this point. I didn't know that the whole process was broken down into stages: 1) labor contractions/cervix dilation, 2) delivering the baby, 3) delivering the placenta. And that the first stage is subdivided into phases: 1) early labor (about to 5 cm, not too bad, can stay at home), 2) labor (about 5-7cm, should probably be at the hospital, they'll hurt), and 3) transition (about to 10cm, the really icky part where baby's head gets into position to go down the birth canal and your ability to swear like a sailor will be revealed). I was fascinated by the claims that actually pushing the baby out doesn't hurt but it does feel like you've got a bowling ball down there. That's quite a mind boggling statement of seeming contradictions.

Ultimately, both Mr. b and I realized that my instinctual plans (squat to deliver and remain on my feet and moving as much as possible during labor) were right on the money. And that both of us want me to try to do as much without pain medication as possible. The intervention options just make the whole process so much more medical-y. And in the case of an epidural (frankly the whole spine and needle thing squicks me out majorly) you can't move around, which I don't like at all.

We certainly needed the excuse to really talk frankly about our fears. Mr. b is scared of me. Scared of me hurting him verbally/emotionally/physically. And I'm scared of him taking it personally if I do and him going on the defensive, which is his natural position even when unnecessary. I will need him there for me. Teacher said that having your labor partner with you is equal to a shot of Demerol. I believe it. Mr. b is also scared of watching me be in pain and not being able to do anything about it. That's just so loving.

I've realized that a lot of my tears while reading the preggo lit (and watching the videos during the class) about labor and delivery have been less about my fear of the unknown and almost more of anticipatory love. I love this baby so much already. I had no idea how desperately I wanted to meet him and hold him and kiss him. And my love for Mr. b has exponentially increased, too. How can I possibly contain this much emotion for another month and a half?

Week 33

Doc says that the baby child is definitely head down already. And since I'm told that babies come out facing your butthole, that means the offending foot that is giving me the liver bruise is his right foot. Same foot of Mr. b's that won't stay still. Mr. b says, "Good boy." Hrmph.

I've gained back 1 and a half pounds. But I haven't decided if that's actual weight gain or just more natural fluctuation. Really, I'm beyond caring. I'm clearly not going to be one of those women that balloons up 80 pounds. I remember joking to a friend long before I even went off the pill that my plan was to gain 12 pounds total--7 for the baby and 5 for the other junk. Little did I know how close that would be!

Mr. b was very cute in the doctor's office. He busted out with a litany of status updates--that I'm hot all the time and he's always having to put on a sweatshirt and that my legs get swollen and I get tired and I'm overly emotional and get sad and upset easily. Doc just grinned at me and said, "Everything's normal then. You're perfect!"

To hammer home the overly emotional point I then had a total melt down in the middle of the night. I was convinced that Mr. b was dead in a ditch somewhere when he didn't get home from band practice until much later than I anticipated. I was in tears, not able to go back to sleep, wandering around looking out the window, willing him to get home.

It just figures that as soon as I try to find a pattern in Child Person's movements he would change it all up. He's been most active in the afternoons and evenings. So naturally he started in on me at 6:00 this morning and has been pounding away off and on all day long. I have no idea how I'm going to get through two more months. (Mr. b always says that like Norm in Fargo.) He was hurting me so much this morning, and I was being vocal about it, that a co-worker actually inquired if I was alright. Diablo and I were discussing it earlier this week. The movement has moved way beyond charming. There is no trace of weirdness left. It is now fully annoying and often painful.

Mr. b says that I didn't have to go to Carousel on Tuesday since I'm pregnant. But apparently the cat is a Sandman in disguise so I still can't try to Run.

Then again, Mr. b also says that I'm now shaped like an ostrich. When he does his impression of me walking it's like one of R. Crumb's African women.

Week 32

I still haven't gotten the massively swollen ankles or feet. Thank god. But I definitely noticed they were a bit puffy after spending all afternoon playing mini-golf and walking around the zoo. I have been feeling a slow degradation of my leg circulation however. It's not everyday, or even all the time. Like right now my left leg just doesn't feel right. I get up and stretch and do some ballet and it'll help for a bit but it still feels off when I sit back down. And I'm noticing my hips getting sore more frequently and not just when I sleep too long on one side without flipping over.

Speaking of flipping over, I think this baby may be starting his voyage. I don't know how you're supposed to tell though. But he seems to be diagonal in me lately. I can feel him continuing to poke at my liver on the right side of my stomach, but I'll also feel him way, way down at the bottom on my left side. It is extremely annoying. Apparently at this stage they have distinct patterns of wiggly sleep, quiet sleep, wiggly awake, and quiet awake. And anecdotally, the kid will follow the same pattern once out in the world. So I'm trying to catalogue the movements and see if I can discern what kind of a schedule Mr. b and I will be keeping in a couple of months.

Week 31

Some of the college girls at the shower this weekend were asking about preggo sex. Someone had heard rumors of longer and multiple orgasms. The preggo lit I've read has even mentioned that possibility. For me, positions that were not previously that exciting were suddenly doing the trick. At first I thought it was a fluke of creative use of hotel room furniture. I thought I might have to put getting a dishwasher on hold and make a trip down to IKEA instead. Thankfully, it turned out to just be the harbinger of a brave new era of satisfying positions. We may be doing it slightly less often than before but we're making up for that with variety. My belly gets in the way of a lot of previous options.

And I swear that the baby child falls alseep during sex. It's got to the be the rhythmic rocking of his capsule. No matter how active he is before, afterward all's quiet on the western front.