Tuesday, May 31, 2005

It's My Birthday

It's been a good birthday so far today. I've gotten bagels and lots of e-cards and my desk was decorated when I got in to work. Mr. b is springing me in another hour or so. And Child Person hasn't been hurting me too much with his stretching.

I took my first bath since I've been preggers. I was paranoid about them early on because of the whole water temperature raising your body temperature thing. But I decided that I'd be fine as long as I kept it cooler. Our bathtub is small. Yet I did realize while floating in a semi-fetal position amongst the bubbles that I want to go swimming. The tiny amount of weightlessness that a shallow bath provided was enough to show me how nice full submersion will be. And screw maternity swimsuits. They are ugly. I've got to see if any of my old bikinis will fit my newly expanded ass. There's no point in covering my stomach. It's not like you wouldn't be able to tell I'm knocked up. I need to cover my ass. I sometimes think I'm starting to look like a Neolithic fertility goddess.

Friday, May 27, 2005

I'm back to not gaining any weight. Technically, I've lost a pound but I think Mr. b is right in that it's just natural weight fluctuation. Doc was completely unconcerned of course; she figured that since I gained so rapidly over the last couple months that it was no big deal. My reaction was more of shock; I eat all the fuckin' time!

I asked Doc about the slowing down of C.P.'s movements. He's doing less and less of the violent punching and kicking and more of the constant lean into my right side like he's trying to force his way out. She said the slow and deliberateness is probably due to him already running out of room. Yikes. I don't want a jumbo baby! And then Doc sympathized greatly and clutched her own side remembering the pain of her kids bumping up against her liver. Apparently I should keep up my efforts to push him back away from my side when he's doing that. It really is incredibly uncomfortable and annoying.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Week 31

Some of the college girls at the shower this weekend were asking about preggo sex. Someone had heard rumors of longer and multiple orgasms. The preggo lit I've read has even mentioned that possibility. For me, positions that were not previously that exciting were suddenly doing the trick. At first I thought it was a fluke of creative use of hotel room furniture. I thought I might have to put getting a dishwasher on hold and make a trip down to IKEA instead. Thankfully, it turned out to just be the harbinger of a brave new era of satisfying positions. We may be doing it slightly less often than before but we're making up for that with variety. My belly gets in the way of a lot of previous options.

And I swear that the baby child falls alseep during sex. It's got to the be the rhythmic rocking of his capsule. No matter how active he is before, afterward all's quiet on the western front.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I can definitely tell that Child Person's space capsule has gotten bigger. I'm feeling more and more pressure on my rib cage. It's not just that he's increasingly spending more time above my belly button. (Thankfully he's still mostly a low rider and I haven't yet experienced the dreaded "get caught on my ribs".) But all my guts have been jammed even tighter under my lungs. And I can feel my rib cage spreading. Most of the pressure is at my sternum. I spend a lot of time pressing on my ribs, trying to get everything to settle downward a bit more.

Mom says that I'll be fine for the next month and then I'll be miserable that last month. And I'll have the heat of July, too. She can definitely relate since my brother was born 2 days after my due date.

And people keep telling me that I seem small for being so far along. I can't even imagine.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Another baby shower! Mr. b was such a perfect Guest of Honor. He squealed with delight at all the gifts and constantly announced how embarassed he was with all of the attention, while grabbing for the next present to unwrap. I did not take enough pictures. We got a really good mix of fun and practical gifts. We totally scored on the funky onesie front: Darth Vader "Who's Your Daddy", The Cure "Boys Don't Cry", and a series of homemade iron-ons featuring the Ghostbusters and various Kirks (like Captain and Hammet).

Earlier in the weekend we scored a hand-me-down changing table. Now we really have no choice but to remove the guest bed. It's a nursery and there's no way around it. We need to set up all the baby furniture and sort through all of our loot. We need to take serious stock of what we're still missing on the Big Ticket item front. Granted there's still one more shower in our future but I think it'll be good to begin an inventory. Like, I know we're going to need more bottles and feeding equipment (and a dishwasher) and I have to find out if my health insurance will cover a breast pump. And we still don't even have a line on a stroller--but we've got a couple of promised basinets and car seats so we should be good there.

I just keep trying to focus on the practical issues. When I focus on child birth I freak out. I read the section on the most common methods of pain reduction in use today and that sounded just as bad as delivery itself. I was in tears.

I have the vertical belly line now. Both Mr. b and I just noticed it within the past couple of days.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Having seen Revenge of the Sith twice now I can honestly say it's better than Empire.

It's funny, both Mr. b and I ended up nitpicking the pregnancy. (Spoiler warning for hermits that have been living out on the edge of the Dune Sea.) We laughed at the size of Padme's belly. What kind of lame ass prenatal care did she have on Coruscant that she didn't know she was carrying twins? Those babies were pretty darn big for twins that came early. And they didn't have gross belly buttons. How come they made it look like a vaginal birth when the medical droid said they'd have to operate to save the babies? Any other time in our lives and we'd never think twice about that stuff.

I must admit, it was a little difficult to hear the constant talk about dying in child birth.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Week 30: RotS Day Eve

I always thought my mom was full of shit when you'd ask her what she wanted for her birthday or Christmas or whatever. She'd say there was nothing she wanted and then mention some boring domesticity that she "needed". Or just request a chore get done or that we simply all get together as a family for dinner or something equally hokey. And yet, when Mr. b asked what I want for my upcoming 30th birthday, I couldn't think of anything. I don't want any clothes because I'm still preggers. I don't want any Star Wars merch because I already have the jigsaw puzzles and we'll just buy action figures as we desire them. At least I resisted saying out loud that I want to get all new towels for the upstairs bathroom. That would have been a definite fall into Mother Mentality. I guess there was no reason for me to feel like a phoney when I got Mother's Day well-wishes. Hey, at least I spent my card cash on Babylon 5 DVDs.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Mr. b made his first trip to the grocery store for weird food last night. Previously, I haven't had any real, honest-to-goodness cravings. I'm highly suggestible though. Like the past week I've had to have KFC, Subway, and Taco Bell. All because I saw ads and they worked on me. I'll smell or see someone's lunch at work and then that's what I'll want. It kind of makes planning meals easy. I just have to remember what's available in the cupboard and then think about that all day and by the time I get home, that's what I want!

But yesterday I was miserable. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I really thought it was just because of getting a grand total of 4 and a half hours of sleep the night before. (This "increased sleeplessness" third trimester side effect sucks.) Mr. b picked me up from work and we went for Mexican and it was awesome. But later that night I started feeling strange. It wasn't regular heartburn or more than the normal tightness and inability to get comfortable. I felt hot and weak. About 8:30 I figured it out: I needed iron.

I was told to go off my iron pills when I started this whole pregnancy project. And I haven't had a problem. But I do remember the preggo-lit mentioning that anemia can be an issue in the third trimester. And it seems as though it may be for me. I hadn't felt that low iron feeling in so long, no wonder it took me all night to identify it. Mr. b went to the store and got me some spinach and broccoli and I ate it raw while sitting in bed watching TV. I felt so much better.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Wow. I just got done with yet another surprise shower. This time it was my own department at work! I was completely clueless. One of the ladies had a crockpot full of meatballs under her desk and I could smell the deliciousness all morning and that still didn't give it away. Hell, when I walked in to the conference room for the "meeting" I sat down without noticing the stacks of presents--or the frickin' huge ass cake with my NAME on it! You'd think I would suspect this kind of activity since this is a gift harvest time of life but nope. I'm retarded.

I got so much good stuff I had to call Mr. b to come and take it all. I would never be able to get it all home on the bus. Clothes and blankets and nursery decorations and safety and feeding and grooming and I can't even think of it all. And lots of Target gift card cash. I'm so overwhelmed.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Week 29

I feel a bit better about my childbirth fears. I just spoke with my work friend, the Russian, about it. I miss working next to her. We always got along so very well and read all the same books.

She asked if we had figured out daycare yet and I said that we haven't even signed up for the childbirth class yet. She thought we needn't bother but I pointed out that I definitely need to have my fears assuaged. So we embarked on a very frank discussion about giving birth. I figured out that it's not the labor pains that I'm afraid of. I've dealt with major pain several times before in my life. And I've promised myself that I will stop being lazy and get back into doing yoga to build my endurance and help me to zen out.

It's the birthing itself that freaks me out. I know too much about how it affects your skeleton and you get all torn up and it's terrifying. But it's also the short part. The Russian pointed out that at that point, I will want nothing more than to push him out. And he will want nothing more than to be pushed out. (Unless he's a matricidal maniac like Stewie!) It'll be unpleasant but ultimately, I won't notice or care. And the afterbirth is really like an afterthought. There are no bones so I'll just be told to push one more time while they're busy doing the infant cleaning and whatnot, they'll examine the placenta, see what repairs I need, and that's it.

She also told me to just plan on going for the drugs, whether I get an epidural or something else or nothing at all. It'll help me to stay calm. Hysterics don't help anything. If I'm in the mindset that I'm getting drugs going in, then I won't have to freak out. She pointed out that the first child is the worst because it's a complete unknown. She had an epidural for her first, a shot of something that wore off by the time she was fully dilated for her second, and nothing for her third. I know my mom had nothing for all three of us. And she's little!

It was also good to get reminded of one important fact: I live in the 21st century in the most powerful country in the world. Sometimes you need a Muscovite to point out the obvious.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I had a lesser medical milestone this morning: the glucose tolerance test. They had me drink 10 ounces of this sugared up beverage that tasted like a combination of Gatorade and Orange Drink, but not as good as either on their own. Then after an hour I gave them a pee sample and some blood. I suppose they'll let me know if I have gestational diabetes. Since I now start going to the doctor every 2 weeks instead of every 4 I'm just not that concerned.

Doc continues to be totally chill about this pregnancy. We bonded over both being Geminis that seem to always be surrounded by another particular star sign; in her case Leo, in mine Leo and Virgo.

I realized that she's doing the math for my net weight gain differently than I was doing. When I went in for the first official Ob appointment, I had already gained 5 pounds. Which I then lost over the course of the first trimester. So I've been calculating based on my normal weight. But when Doc added in the 9 pounds that I've gained over the past month she said that I'm only up to 19 total. Because she was starting from the other point. People at work say that it doesn't look like I've gained anything significant because I'm not showing anywhere besides my protruding belly. I do think my chin has gotten a bit rounder. Not like Grayza in Peacekeeper Wars or anything. Just compared to my normally very pointy chin.

Monday, May 09, 2005

I guess I've had my first Mother's Day. It felt kind of like I was cheating. Hotel and restaurant people would ask if I was a mother and I would point to my stomach and say something like, "Not yet!" But they all always agreed that preggos count. Auntie G and my MIL even sent me cards! And dear Mr. b had a suite of cards prepared for me: one from him, one from Child Person, and one from Squeakers Squirrel. He had hid them in my bag so I discovered them while I was packing up before we checked out of the hotel room. I was so overcome that I shouted, "I love you!" down to him in the parking lot from our balconey.

But I honestly don't know that I feel like a mother yet. I mean, clearly I'm growing a human being inside me. I can feel him squirming about while I type. But I haven't met him yet.

One of our stops during our mini-break this weekend was a farmer's market/craft festival in Madison, WI. So, hippies everywhere. As you'd expect in Madison. One of the booths had tiny t-shirts decorated with hand-sewn peace signs. Since Mr. b and I spent a large part of the 90s as flower-empowered stoners, and still have plenty of friends of the peace-lovin' persuasion, we figured we would shell out for the over-priced souvenir as a present for the baby child. The earth mother was manning the booth with her young son and baby daddy. She asked if we were going to "use the midwives". Mr. b laughed for the rest of the weekend at my response, "No. We're not from here." We both got the feeling that it was bad form just to already know the sex of the baby! Ahhh, Wisconsin hippies. You never change.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Whatever it is that makes your nails and hair grow extra fast while preggers seems to work on places besides your head. I swear I am shaving my armpits twice as often as I normally do. I had to trim my frickin' pubes after Mr. b pointed out how ridiculously long they had become. (It's not like I can even see down there anymore thanks to my belly.) And yet my legs have never been smoother since I stopped shaving them back in 8th or 9th grade. Granted I'm blessed with barely-there, very blonde, Scando body hair to begin with....

While searching for a new razor for my pits last night I discovered a long forgotten box of tampons. I had often heard from women that they don't really get to enjoy not being on the rag because they're so busy being pregnant. And it's true!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Week 28

Wow I feel better today. It's amazing what a little husband-provided TLC, some syndicated sitcoms on TBS, and an early bedtime can to do improve life. I'm wearing a cute-as-hell outfit (Mr. b was right about that skirt!) with my tall London boots and feel almost perky. Child Person has definitely been active this morning, too.

We finished off our registry assignment this weekend with a trip down to the giant Babies R Us. I'm very glad that we didn't do that place first. Our little bottle aisle scare in Target would have been mild in comparison. Mr. b found a pillow shaped like a giant apostrophe for me. I think it's definitely helped my sleeping comfort.

We realized the reason for some of our discombobulation during these registration sessions. We just don't fit in with that world. There is no giant chain store for hipster babies. We drive out to freeway laden suburbia and immediately look scummy with our piercings and stubble and boots and mod clothes in comparison with the scrubbed fresh young couples with their mothers-in-law taking over their preparations. Frankly, I wouldn't even want a Martha Stewart inspired nursery collection. I'm looking forward to putting up a shelf for all of our Kirk action figures.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I am so fuckin' unstable right now. Yesterday I was unbearably grouchy all day. I was warned by womba that my temper is only going to grow shorter as I become more and more physically uncomfortable. I don't know if he's psychic or if it's just a coincedence but I had a total middle-of-the-night freak-out last night. I've been experiencing a strange sort of insomnia off-and-on for a while now. I can fall asleep just fine initially but then when I get up to pee, I often can't fall back to sleep. I end up spending sometimes hours tossing and turning before managing to get another hour or two before my alarm goes off. Last night Mr. b was still up drinking when I woke up. I freaked out on him but really, it's more than just being married to an alcoholic. There's just Too Much. I still think about poor little Tron. My father-in-law is in prison. My job is driving me nuts. We're being suckered into new software best described by quoting Norm McDonald, "Happy birthday Jesus. I hope you like crap!" I'm sick and tired of being pregnant. No one wants to talk about anything except my pregnancy. I'm terrified of childbirth. We have so much left to get done before baby time. I slept for most of last weekend and I really thought I was feeling better. But it was temporary. I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable while simply sitting down. My belly is always stretching one way or another. I'm too tired and lazy to do yoga to try to relieve the pressure. I get winded just going on short walks because my lungs are being so cramped by internal organs. And I still have three months left. I just don't know how I'm going to make it. I'm sitting here crying at work. That's certainly not going to help matters at all. Doesn't anyone have a magic wand?