Addendum 1

Since Ronnie has been fully weaned we’ve also been trying to slowly switch her over to sippy cups. We’re not going particularly fast on that front. She is drinking juice out of a sippy cup and that’s progress. But we haven’t regularly changed any of her milk bottles to sippies. She typically has three regular bottles of milk – in the morning, before nap, before bed – and then however many others throughout the day. We need to start giving her those irregularly scheduled ones in cups. I’ve tried giving her milk with a straw in a restaurant but she just makes a mess. She enjoys drinking water with a straw though.

The only thing about the sippy cups is that she’s rather violent with them. I don’t let her wander the house with her bottle, though she can hold it herself in her carseat or in my lap, but I’ll let her walk around with her juice cup. And she swings it viciously. She’s really strong. Three Saturdays ago, Ronnie was sitting on my lap, drinking from her sippy cup. She then, with no warning, backhanded it into my face. Into my eye socket. This picture does no justice to how bad it looked or how much it hurt.



I still have a very faint spot of red where the blood pooled under my eye but it’s only visible if you’re looking for it.

Bye Bye Boobie

I guess Ronnie is officially weaned. I didn’t really notice it happening, which is probably a good thing. I didn’t need to make some big pronouncement or anything. At some point last week, not even sure which day, she had her last nigh-nigh boobie.

It’s not like she was even actively nursing. But for the last month or six weeks she’d have her bedtime bottle and then still fall asleep on the boob. It was just easier that way. And if she woke up in the middle of the night I was still bringing her into bed with me. I started to give her a bottle in the middle of the night and put her back into her crib. I mean, her father had always been doing that if he was the one the get up with her but I was the slacker hold out.

During the day Mr. b had started laying Miss Ronica down in her crib for naps before she was even fully asleep. This was radical news to me. We never were able to quite crib train her the way we did with Kirk. We couldn’t let her just “cry it out” with him in the room with her! It wouldn’t be fair to disturb his sleeping. Hence the nursing her to sleep and putting her away already passed out. But if she was able to fall asleep on her own for naptime then that meant I needed to jump on her new skill set and let her fall asleep on her own for bedtime.

It didn’t work every time but for the past couple of weeks I’ve been able to put the Bundle to bed with her still awake. She might fuss a little bit but she’d rustle about and then be asleep by the time her brother and I tiptoed in a half hour or hour later for his bedtime. But the nights it didn’t work, it really didn’t work and I would give up and stick a boob in her mouth. I noticed the last few times that nursing her felt weird. Like, physically it didn’t feel the same. Probably because there really isn’t anything in there for her to actually eat anymore! There was a great line in Kim by Rudyard Kipling. The old high caste widow was convinced that mothers shouldn’t be allowed to raise children, only grandmothers, because mothers are too close to the pain of childbirth and the pleasure of nursing. That really resonated with me. The pleasure of nursing. It really was a pleasure. I’m so glad I had the chance to experience that fully. But it was time to end it.

So now I have to really start watching what I eat. It would be bad to unconsciously keep ingesting nursing calories when I clearly no longer need them.

Two by Two

My appetite has been reduced greatly in the last week or two. I think I’m on the last leg of the weaning process. Ronnie has been more and more frustrated with the lack of milk when she does nurse and I usually end up giving her a bottle even if I do put her at the boob first. I’m basically down to three times a day: when I get home from work, before bed, and in the middle of the night. And all of those are hit or miss now. Just holding her and carrying her around when I get home seems to be enough mama attention. She’s starting to fall asleep sitting in my lap before bed on more than just the rare occasion. And she usually just wants to be held in the middle of the night, not really wanting anything to actually drink.

So now I have to figure out if I should switch my pills to the regular hormones or stay on the “nursing pill” for one more month as a buffer period. I’m leaning towards the latter, just so there’s a little more time for us to gradually get used to it. Veronica has her 1 year well baby visit on Monday so I need to decide before then and make sure I get a prescription.

I also need to remember that I don’t need as many calories as I’ve been ingesting. I don’t think I’m going to have the problem I had with my failed attempts nursing Kirk where I gained weight because of how much I was eating. I’m actually physically getting full but still ordering/taking proportions for nursing calories. I can think of at least three instances in the last four or so days where I had just plain too much food in front of me. Even a month ago I wouldn’t have hesitated to eat it all. Which means now I need to get back to an exercise regimen.

Coming upon Bundle’s one year birthday has also made me realize that I think I am happy with “just” two kids. Sure, three seems “right”. But there were also so many problems with three. It was always two against one. Times where all three of us were happy together were so rare that I can’t come up with more than one or two specific examples. Even now there’s always one of us as the odd man out. I want Kirk and Ronnie to enjoy spending time together. I don’t want sibling politics to be involved anymore than simple older brother versus little sister. I want them to have closeness because they have each other. And frankly, the idea of being pregnant again sounds terrible to me. I really, really, really don’t want to do that again.

Almost 11 Months

It felt kind of strange to get on the bus this morning and not be carrying my pump. I’ve become so accustomed to having two things with me in the seat; it felt so roomy without it! So far I’m feeling OK. Not too full or too achy, though obviously a little of each. However, I’m sure I’m going to put Veronica straight to the boob the second I get home and get my coat off. I picked Friday to be my first day without pumping knowing the weekend would be right there in case it sucks. But I really don’t want to have to spend money on more milk storage bags and honestly, I don’t think pumping is worth the trouble anymore.

So now that Ronica is on the homestretch of weaning – whether she knows it or not is a different matter – I’m looking forward to seeing how this affects our sleeping patterns. She continues to be extremely difficult to get to bed at night, requiring multiple tries to get her to stay asleep. She continues to wake up between 2am and 4am and sometimes even earlier. (She often wakes up the second her father gets home from school or band practice or work, like she can sense his presence.) I have noticed that she’s less demanding of food when she wakes up and is more interested in being held. But since I’m so used to sleep nursing, I still just give her a boob so I can lay back down. And she still doesn’t really know how to fuss herself to sleep since we don’t leave her in her crib to cry and disturb her brother. I’m hoping that’ll work itself out as she gets older but it’s definitely something I’m wary of.

I think we’ll probably try to find a free or cheap toddler bed before jumping straight to bunk beds for the two of them. My guess is that once she can climb out of bed herself she’ll end up climbing in with her brother, again just needing the comfort of someone next to her in the middle of the night.

Ronnie is still not quite walking. Rather, she can walk and has taken a few steps, but she chooses not to. She is so incredibly fast at crawling that it would be inconvenient to walk instead. She does let go and free stand more and more often so I’m sure she’ll start doing more than just moving between the couch and ottoman before long. She’s learning to get down from the couch feet first and that’s a skill she’ll need for getting out of her bed and invading her brother’s.

Two Transitions

When I got home from work last Friday I was thinking that it might have been my last day of pumping at work. Doing it just once a day has really reduced my milk supply nicely and I can definitely feel that I’m on the right track. But then over the weekend I started doing math and realized I will be going eleven to twelve hours between feedings if I skip pumping at work. I think it’ll be fine but I’m definitely putting it off a little longer. I only have ten or so bags left from the last milk storage purchase so that’ll be my cut-off.

I think it’s obvious that the real trick to finalizing weaning will be suckling for comfort – and I mean for both Ronnie and me! She doesn’t actually need the boobie calories anymore, especially as we’re introducing whole milk into her formula bottles. But it’s still great bonding time for us and I still like snuggling with her when she comes into bed with me at whatever point at night.

In the meantime, Mr. b and I are putting out collective foot down on Kirk regarding sippy cups at bedtime and wearing overnight diapers. Mr. b was over 5 years old before he was having constant, regular dry nights so it’s not surprising to me that we’ve been keeping Kirk in overnights. But he’s been getting lazy with them. Over the last month or so, he’s woken up maybe three or four mornings a week with a poopie diaper. That’s ridiculous. So he’s cut off. He has to make sure he’s pooped at least once that day or else I make him sit on the pot before tucking him in for the night.

Since he’s wearing underpants in bed I’m also not allowing him to bring his sippy to bed with him anymore. It’s irked me for quite some time but Mr. b didn’t care and it just didn’t seem worth the fight. I would only fill the cup with maybe an inch of beverage so it’s not like he was getting a big huge drink. But now even that it over. I’m hoping a nice side effect will be lessening Kirk’s reliance on the damn sippies in the first place! It’s not like he’s going to be allowed to have them in kindergarten…

BOOKS READ IN 2009

For the third year running, I managed to read more books than the previous year. And last year I was astounded at the increase over 2007! (Which was itself double 2006. Hmm, I should backdate a post with my lists for earlier years. You know, for posterity.) I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up the trend. Heh. It helps that I continued to not read anything “hard”. I thought my reading would dwindle once the baby had been born but titles 11 through 17 were read while on maternity leave. I guess that might be the key to my ridiculous output: I had a lot of time to sit since I was nursing. And pumping! I was pumping twice a day at work for most of the year which gave me nearly an extra hour of reading on top of my bus commute every day.

I also read a lot of series this year. Some I completely finished and others I’m still working on. Several I caught up to the author and now have to wait for new titles to be published. Regardless, it was easy for me to pick out my next book when I was in the middle of a series. I used to try and wait a couple months between series titles, just as a palate cleanser I guess. But I found myself waiting sometimes only one or two books before returning to whatever series – and not even that when I was finishing off Sookie Stackhouse. Essentially I spent the year just switching off between Katie Chandler, Schuyler Van Alen, Hanayu Ashitaba, Sookie, Anita Blake, and Harry Dresden.

I did make some good discoveries this year though. Pete Hautman was a new find thanks to book club and I read several of his other young adult titles as well. I do hope to finish going through his work because I think he’s a fabulous author and really captures the essence of being a teenager. There weren’t any duds in our book club selections this year. I’d have to pick Guernsey as my favorite but I really enjoyed Birchbark House and Latest Grievance as well.

My reading resolution for this year is to read the books that are already in my house. I have several shelves filled with To Be Read titles. Some I’ve bought used. Some I’ve bought new. Some people have loaned to me and probably forgot where they got to since I’ve had them so long. Some people have just given to me because I can’t say no to books and then they can clear off their own shelves. There’s lot of good stuff for me to discover. But first I need to finish Anita and Harry.


1. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 1 Ayumi Komura
2. The Tales of Beedle the Bard J.K. Rowling
3. The Birchbark House Louise Erdrich
4. California Demon: The Secret Life of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom Julie Kenner
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 Volume 3 Wolves at the Gate Joss Whedon
6. Blue Bloods Melissa de la Cruz
7. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 2 Ayumi Komura
8. Dead Until Dark Charlaine Harris
9. Grave Peril Jim Butcher
10. Masquerade Melissa de la Cruz
11. The Laughing Corpse Laurell K. Hamilton
12. Revelations Melissa de la Cruz
13. Leaving Home Anita Brookner
14. Living Dead in Dallas Charlaine Harris
15. The Optimist’s Daughter Eudora Welty
16. Circus of the Damned Laurell K. Hamilton
17. Rainbow Valley L.M. Montgomery
18. Godless Pete Hautman
19. Club Dead Charlaine Harris
20. The Lunatic Café Laurell K. Hamilton
21. Wyrd Sisters Terry Pratchett
22. Fool Christopher Moore
23. Sweetblood Pete Hautman
24. Bloody Bones Laurell K. Hamilton
25. Summer Knight Jim Butcher
26. Once Upon Stilettos Shanna Swendson
27. Dead to the World Charlaine Harris
28. Witches Abroad Terry Pratchett
29. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince J.K. Rowling
30. Damsel Under Stress Shanna Swendson
31. All Rivers Flow to the Sea Alison McGhee
32. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 3 Ayumi Komura
33. Rilla of Ingleside L.M. Montgomery
34. Bite Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, MaryJanice Davidson, Angela Knight, Vickie Taylor
35. Don’t Hex with Texas Shanna Swendson
36. Dead as a Doornail Charlaine Harris
37. Powers of Detection: Stories of Mystery & Fantasy Edited by Dana Stabenow
38. The Killing Dance Laurell K. Hamilton
39. Many Bloody Returns Edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner
40. All-in Pete Hautman
41. Three Men in a Boat, to Say Nothing of the Dog Jerome K. Jerome
42. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
43. Definitely Dead Charlaine Harris
44. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 4 Ayumi Komura
45. Night’s Edge Charlaine Harris, Maggie Shayne, Barbara Hambly
46. Burnt Offerings Laurell K. Hamilton
47. FlashForward Robert J. Sawyer
48. My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding Edited by P.N. Elrod
49. No Limit Pete Hautman
50. The Van Alen Legacy Melissa de la Cruz
51. All Together Dead Charlaine Harris
52. Blue Moon Laurell K. Hamilton
53. How Green Was My Valley Richard Llewellyn
54. My Latest Grievance Elinor Lipman
55. From Dead to Worse Charlaine Harris
56. Unusual Suspects: Stories of Mystery & Fantasy Edited by Dana Stabenow
57. Dead and Gone Charlaine Harris
58. Obsidian Butterfly Laurell K. Hamilton
59. The Lost Symbol Dan Brown
60. Wolfsbane and Mistletoe Edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner
61. Death Masks Jim Butcher
62. Narcissus in Chains Laurell K. Hamilton
63. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 Volume 4 Time of Your Life Joss Whedon
64. The More Than Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide Douglas Adams
65. Cerulean Sins Laurell K. Hamilton
66. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Christopher Moore

Teeny Weany

Nearly everyone I’ve asked about weaning has said to go slowly and start by just skipping one nursing session a day. That seems logical but which one do I skip? If Ronnie doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night – which is very rare – then I’m ready to burst when I get up in the morning. So I’d have to pump if I didn’t pull her out of her crib before I left for work. When I get home we both want to spend time together. I have already been avoiding going straight into nursing mode the second I walk in the door so maybe that was me unconsciously skipping a session. But I do feed her as soon as we’re both done with supper. And then she nurses on and off all evening long, well into bedtime. It’s not a case of actual “sessions” but rather a continuous switching from Boob One to Boob Two and back again until she’s in her crib for the night.

Yesterday it dawned on me: skip one of my daytime pumpings. I pump twice a day at work, once mid-morning and once in the afternoon. But I’ve been noticing a slow decline in my milk supply in the last few months since Ronica has been on solid foods. I’m bringing home maybe two or even three ounces less each day compared to how much I brought home when I first came back from maternity leave. Now, I’ve never been one that tries to supply enough breast milk for all daytime feedings when I’m away. That’s just too much work and literally unnecessary. Ronnie’s had formula at daycare since she started and when Mr. b started staying home with the kids one of the first things we did was buy formula for him to use during the day. So I’m not at all concerned about how much milk I’m pumping. Which makes this the perfect first (conscious) step towards gradual weaning. I pumped only one time today, just after lunch. I felt a bit full but not as uncomfortable as I have been after lengthier periods of time. I think this should be a nice way to ease into it. I don’t plan to even consider more active weaning until at least after the New Year.

The Amazing Bundle

I think the biggest adjustment I have to make to Mr. b staying home with the kids is when to feed Bundle in the morning. So far I’ve been able to sneak out of the house in the dark before anyone even gets up. I have my alarm set for extra early so I can go pick the little girl out of her crib and nurse her in bed before I start getting ready. Then I just leave her in bed with her daddy. This works even if she wakes up at 4 or 5 am, too. And then I don’t have to try to pump before I leave or when I first get to work or something else ridiculous like that.

We’re also working on a new bedtime plan. Now that Ronnie is home all day her naps are definitely being curtailed. I think she is fine on only one a day already instead of two still. She takes boobie snoozes with me in the evening when she’s nursing post-dinner. So then when her brother is in bed and she’s still not going to sleep I hand her off to her daddy. Generally I can get her down but she won’t stay down. She’ll sleep in her crib in their bedroom for maybe 30 minutes and then wake up and want more Mama. It’s a fine line but I’m starting to figure out when she’s *actually* still hungry and when she just wants to be held. Since just holding her without sticking a boob in her mouth is not an option in her mind, and I don’t want to be a pacifier, then it’s Daddy’s turn. I make myself scarce and he pat-pats her back to sleep. It’s working pretty well. And getting her used to falling asleep without a boob is good since weaning is looming ever closer.

Veronica’s definitely in a Mama Phase though. As soon as I get home from work she demands that I hold her. Doesn’t matter what she’s doing, eating or menacing, she wants me to pick her up. She race-crawls over to me if she’s not in her high chair and hauls herself up on my leg, begging to be picked up.

It’s just crazy how much she’s grown. I’ve completely failed to keep updating her new accomplishments. Maybe about three (four?) months ago we took down the changing table because we were changing her on the floor more often anyway. She sits up on her own since late September, about 6 and a half months. Just after 7 months she started crawling properly, on her knees with her belly off the ground. From there it’s been exponential. At first she’d pull herself up on furniture to her knees.



And then a week later on to her feet.



She can now easily transfer her weight well enough that she moves along the edges of furniture or can go back and forth between the couch and ottoman or our knees and the chair or whatever. Her bottom two teeth cut through simultaneously Halloween weekend, just a week before the 8 month mark. I haven’t figured out which teeth are coming next but there’s definite movement going on in there again. It’s just been a constant stream of new developments. I don’t remember them coming this rapid-fire with Kirk. There was more of a sense of ebb and flow. He’d have a new trick and then that would last for a while. Then we’d get a slight step back to warn us something new was coming up. I don’t know if this is a girl thing or a second child thing but it’s rather amazing to witness. I had Mr. b lower the mattress in her crib so she couldn’t launch herself over the bar (I’m seriously expecting her to hoist herself into the bathtub while she’s “supervising” her brother’s bath one of these days…) but we’re already talking about getting her a big girl bed. Time to start looking for bunk beds.

I can’t decide if Ronnie is starting to pick up on sign language or not. I haven’t been using it as much with her as I did with Kirk. And I know her father isn’t using it at all. But she keeps doing certain motions with her hands that seem a bit more deliberate than just “Hey cool! These things are attached!” I also don’t remember when Kirk started obviously responding. But it seems like we’ve always been able to communicate with him so it must have been early. I guess it’s time for me to start reviewing archive posts and see how their timing really does compare.

Sandman on Strike

I think my kids sleep too much at daycare. Every day we get the slips recording their activities, what they ate, and when they slept. And every day it shows that Kirk had a 3 hour nap and that Veronica napped for a total of 5 or 6 hours. That just seems ridiculous to me.

Ronnie is a tricky baby to get to sleep at night. She’s been that way almost since the beginning but hey, every kid is different. She is very easy during the day and very difficult at night. At least once a week for the past few months she will quite simply not go to sleep, causing me to give in and take her to bed with me at midnight when I couldn’t take it anymore. I was starting to really worry about it until superbadfriend sent me this link to 31 Ways to get Your Baby to go to Sleep. Sure, most of that is just common sense stuff that we’re already doing. But I needed the reminder and it was good to see some things in writing that related to specific actions of my naughty bundle, like thinking that the snack bar is open all night if she’s in bed with me.

Typically Ronnie will nurse herself to sleep, I’ll put her into her crib, then she’ll wake up an hour or so later, we’ll repeat, and then she’ll stay in her crib for the rest of the night. Or at least until about 5am at which point I don’t have a problem bringing her in bed with me for the remaining hour and a half until my alarm goes off. So the inability to get her to stay asleep, or go back to sleep after the initial pre-bedtime snooze, has been very frustrating. I’ve ascribed countless theories to try to explain it. She’s got a cold right now and a nasty sounding cough and I’m sure that’s affecting things. Mr. b says it’s just a phase. And lord knows having her brother up and rattling around in the bed next to her isn’t doing anything to help.

That’s why I’m starting to wonder if it might be the amount of sleeping during the day. Kirk just will not go to sleep at night either. Sure, he goes to bed with a relative minimum of fuss. But then he stays up for sometimes two or more hours, “reading” books by flashlight or talking to himself or his easily awakened sister. Then in the morning he’ll complain of being “so tired” and I’m sure he really does need the nap at daycare to recover from his late night. And the cycle continues.

At home on the weekends Kirk usually doesn’t nap, though I still enforce Quiet Time if we’re not out and about. If he got up extra early then I’ll make him lay down or if he’s particularly cranky but he’s four and doesn’t necessarily *need* the nap every single day. When he does nap at home, I wake him up if it’s been two hours. That’s his limit; anything longer and he won’t go to bed. So it’s kind of dismaying to see such a long time written on his “report card”. Maybe it’s not actually sleep that entire time. I know that C makes all the kids, regardless of their ages, lay on their cots, so maybe a good portion of that time is resting not sleeping. But I suspect there’s more sleeping than not.

Which brings me back to Bundle. At home on the weekends she’ll usually sleep in with me until around 9 or 10. That’s when she would be waking up from her morning nap at daycare according to the take home slips. And that’s fine. Babies need multiple naps a day. Even though it looks like she goes down for her morning nap sometimes less than a half hour after we drop her off. But what concerns me is that it then looks like she’s up for a measly two hours and then spends the rest of the day napping again. Another four hours. She’ll be up when we pick her up but generally only long enough to have an afternoon bottle. But again, what portion of that time is spent actually napping and what is time laying by herself, alone in her crib in the other room? At home she’ll typically do her afternoon nap on the boob but if I put her in her crib it’s about an hour tops of solid sack time. I’m afraid to ask about it because I don’t know how to bring it up and I don’t want to learn that she’s just a crib baby at daycare. She’s always creeping around on the floor when we pick her up, and in good spirits, but is that because she’s finally getting some attention for the first time since before Noon?

Maybe Mr. b is right and it’s just a phase. For both of them. But it seems like they’re feeding off each other with the no sleep thing at night. I haven’t changed anything about their night time routines. So I feel like daycare is the only logical option left to investigate. But how do I approach it?

Chewbacca

Miss Bundle is chewing on everything these days. Nothing is safe from her reaches. And while she doesn’t “properly” crawl, instead swimming across the floor at amazing rates, she has a vast range and gets into everything. Her favorite is paper at the moment. Newspapers, Daddy’s homework, Brother’s art, anything. Straight into the mouth. Chomp chomp.

This has led to the introduction of foodstuffs that maybe would have waited a bit longer. Ronnie still doesn’t have teeth so I don’t have to worry about her actually biting off bits and choking, which makes it easier. I figure if she wants to gnaw on something, a carrot has got to be better than a nasty, germ covered whatever. I’m sure that contributes to the fact she’s currently got a cold with a truly dreadful sounding cough. Our favorite thing to give her right now is a pickle spear. First of all, she makes a funny face as the vinegar hits her tongue. But then she’ll suck out the pickle juice just like she’s drinking a bottle, leaving not much more than just the rind when she’s finally done with it.

I did dig up one of Kirk’s old pacifiers for her to chew on. She hasn’t been interested in using one before, instead thinking that Mama ought to provide a boobie whenever she wants, but as a chomping object it seems to be doing the trick. I wonder how long before she actually cuts a tooth? I can’t remember how long it was for Kirk and besides, every kid is different.

Epicurion Queries

There’s been a minor rash of milk related food poisoning incidents in the Midwest lately. From drinking unpasteurized milk. And I just think, who drinks that? I mean, if you aren’t a dairy farmer, how would you even have access to it? Isn’t that illegal?

But of course Veronica drinks unpasteurized milk. It’s just mama milk, not cow milk. And it’s not homogenized so it separates as it sits in the fridge, waiting to be used. It’s easy enough to recombine the milk fats with the rest of the milk. Generally just the shaking and sloshing that gets done while heating the milk up under the faucet will do the trick. But it’s got me wondering: can you make cheese or butter from breast milk?

I’m not going to try. Don’t you worry your pretty little head. Mainly because I’m way too lazy for that kind of thing. But the scientist that lives in my head is definitely curious. I mean, it’s milk. You should be able to make milk products. But then who would use them? Ronnie’s not up to cottage cheese or even yogurt yet since she’s under a year. But would those things be OK for her to have since they wouldn’t be cow milk, which as I understand is the reason you need to wait a year before switching to whole milk from breast or formula? And if you have other kids, would they be fine eating breast milk ice cream? Or is the whole thing just too squicky and overly hippie dippie freaky to even consider?

People do some freaky-ass shit with their maternal by-products. Of course there’s the whole eating the placenta deal, which while fascinating is just far too gross to even consider. I don’t care if placenta pills ward off post-partum depression. I’m not living in the wild, nursing my litter of babies in a cave for weeks on end, needing the iron richness of my placenta to provide the only nourishment I’m going to get until they’re old enough for me to leave them and go hunting again. Therefore I’m not eating my placenta. End of story.

I did remember to ask to see it this time though. I can’t remember why I didn’t after I had Kirk. I know I was worried that birthing the afterbirth would somehow hurt which…yeah right. You can’t feel that after a whole damn baby just went through there! And I don’t remember watching while Mr. b cut the cord. I still didn’t see the cord be cut this time but I did ask to see the stuff before it got sent to disposal. It was all dark and weird and organy (duh) and there was a tiny little hole in the sack the nurse pointed out which would have accounted for the slow leak that was my water breaking. The umbilical cord is sort of whitish grey. Again, interesting from a scientific perspective, but I don’t need to save it for posterity.

Frankly I was far too jittery, literally, after having Ronnie to even consider anything more than satisfying intellectual curiosity. Apparently it was the pitocin. I had the shakes big time once she was out. They put her freshly born unwashed bundleness on my chest and I held her and loved her and tried not to vibrate her off of me I was shivering so hard. It took quite a while to get back to normal.

Boobies

I was looking through my old posts about Kirk at about the same age as Ronnie is now. The nursing ones especially. It’s truly amazing to me just how much effort I put into getting that boy to eat boobie. And I kept it up, too! There were so many setbacks, from him not latching on to not having a pump once I had to return the hospital rental. Sweet Bundle got it figured out before we even left the delivery room at the hospital!

I managed to keep up the attempt for a good four months before calling it quits. Kirk was definitely ready since he didn’t really care in the first place. Ronnie is five months and I am only just now starting to even contemplate weaning eventually, much less make plans for it. Neither of us are anywhere near ready for it. Kirk was formula fed with breast milk supplement and Ronnie is breast fed with formula supplement. Completely opposite situations. Plus, I can pump at work easily thanks to my sister passing on her Medela.

I’ve developed a pumping routine that seems to work nicely. I go twice a day and pump for 15 minutes each time. It takes about 25 minutes total because of set-up and clean-up. I tried going three times a day but it didn’t make any difference to my milk supply and was too hard to fit into my work schedule. I’ve definitely had days where a meeting gets scheduled during one of my usual pumping times, generally about 10am and 2pm, and I have fidgeted and watched the clock, waiting to get out so I could release the pressure. I guess it’s sort of like having to pee really badly. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s certainly uncomfortable. I had a programming class a few weeks ago and had to ask the guard at the building if there was a lactation room. That was an interesting experience.

The milk I pump generally gets used within a day or two at home. I was freezing it if the bag hit the one week mark but all of the frozen milk has since been used. There seems to be a sort of macho competition between women about how much milk they produce. The more and you “win”. Well, I loose apparently. I bring home about 7 ounces of milk a day, combined after two pumpings. Sometimes maybe a half ounce more and sometimes maybe a half ounce less but it’s really been pretty consistent. That’s not enough to feed the world and definitely not enough to feed chowhound Bundle at daycare so I never bothered even trying to send milk with her each morning. It’s easier to use it at home.

Now that Miss V is eating rice cereal the milk gets mixed into that and then she finishes whatever was left as a post-cereal bottle. That seems to be working for both of us as it gives me a chance to fill up again after the usual just-got-home-from-daycare feeding. Even if she just had a bottle before I picked her up, she still wants to nurse and that’s fine with me. It’s cuddling, bonding time for us. Same with co-sleeping. Veronica hasn’t really settled into a new schedule yet since the introduction of cereal into her diet. I think she’s also undergoing a pre-new-development regression, causing her to sleep fewer hours in a row at night. I remember Kirk doing that before each new trick. So I bring the girl into bed with me to sleep-nurse when she wakes up and since I fall back to sleep, she never makes it back into her crib.

I did read that Kirk got the go-ahead for apple juice, cut with water, after his four-month well-baby visit. I hadn’t even thought of that for his sister. She hasn’t had anything since the prune juice lattes of her constipated early weeks. I’m going to have to ask about that at her six-month well-baby. It seems the rules change all the time and vary from doctor to doctor. One thing at a time I guess. We’re still getting used to balancing Daddy playing with Brother while Mama feeds Sister.

Current Events

No means no. No I’m serious. It really does. When I tell you to stop jumping next to your sister, you need to stop. When I tell you to stop climbing the side of the couch, that doesn’t mean you should do it again. One more time is not an option. You need to quit.

Bundle slept basically through the night. I got her down about 10pm and she didn’t start to stir until nearly 5am. I don’t expect it to last but it was a pleasant surprise!

I’m really overthinking party times for Kirk’s Fourth Birthday Party.

The little girl is rolling over. It’s largely unintentional but it’s also pretty regular. She’ll be startled by her sudden back position after having just been propped up on her tummy and it’ll freak her out. Ronnie also likes to curl up on her side when lying on her back and is starting to move into tummy time from there. So both ways. Time to dig out the baby gate. And make sure the floors are cleaner. Ugh.

Kirk has a workaround for hate speech. He is not allowed to shout, “I don’t like you Mama” or Daddy or anyone else. So when he’s pissed he’ll bust out with, “I don’t like everyone.” It’s kind of hilarious. And who hasn’t had those moments of extreme misanthropy?

When I leave my nursing pads out they end up of the floor by morning. I figured one of the cats was playing with them but I wasn’t sure which one. Last night I saw Squeakers Squirrel sniffing at them. I guess it makes sense she’d be interested in the sweet smell of dried on boobie milk.

The kids are usually the last ones there when I drop them off at daycare. All the others gather around Veronica in her carseat while I help Kirk get his shoes, and hoodie if he’s wearing one, off and put away. Then he gives me at least one of the following: a hug, a kiss, a high five, a fist bump (blow it up), a nose rub. Sometimes I get all five. Then I give the Bundle a kiss and I’m off.

Kirk is starting to sometimes claim he “had a bad dream”, about twenty seconds after he’s been put to bed. Not falling for it.

Sleeping Arrangements

Last night was Bundle’s second night in her crib in her brother’s room. So far, so good. I mean, it’s a work in progress, obviously, but we’re getting there. Kirk’s got a set bedtime ritual and once the routine is completed, he’s done. It’s easy to move bedtime up when necessary, just by starting procedures earlier. Ronnie, however, just eats and eats and eats and eats and then passes out. There’s no real adjustments possible. She’s generally sacked by 10:30, though it can happen earlier. So basically, I just sneak into the sleeping boy’s room, put the sleeping baby in her crib, and sneak back out. We’ve got the monitor set up so I’ll go fetch her when she wakes up in the 2am-4am range to eat again. Theoretically she could then go back but since we’ve mastered the laying down nursing position I generally just keep her in bed with me until I have to get up anyways.

I think the trick is going to be those nights where she falls asleep earlier and he’s wound up and talking to himself in his bed for two hours. We’ll see what happens.

The End of an Era

Well, it’s over now. I’m nearing the end of Day Two back at work.

Last Friday Bundle had her Two Month well baby appointment. Everything looks good. She’s now at 10 pounds 3 ounces (over 4 pounds gained!) and 23 inches long (nearly 5 inches!) and has a little head (in the tenth percentile). Doc reiterated that he thinks her sporadic pooping is just her own preference. He asked lots of questions about it and thinks it sounds normal, though not common. Her belly button sticks out super far and that’s due to a small hernia; again normal and should heal itself without any intervention from us. She got her first shots, complete with Real Tears, and that’s about it. Oh, and she does seem like being a redhead is a real possibility. Especially in the sunlight there is definite auburn hair going on.

Grandma and Grandpa stayed with us until Sunday before flying back to Texas. It seemed like little Ronnie underwent an emotional growth while they were here: she smiles for real now! I love that part. Nothing like an infant’s genuine pleasure. I love it when she’s suckling away and then suddenly grins on the boob. But it also means that she’s moving into the part where she doesn’t think it exists if she can’t see it and so separation anxiety begins. Which makes my going back to work even harder.

Drop off yesterday morning went well. Of course she didn’t know what was coming. C said she ate well and didn’t need the breast milk I had sent with as comfort food just in case. So I’ll be freezing the milk I pump during the day at work. So far I’m pumping twice a day and getting quite a lot. I have a little picture of my bundle on the pump case and a snippet of her fussing saved on my phone so I can trigger the mental impulses to start the milk flowing. I should bring some of her used laundry to smell, too, but that seems like work. But even with the pressure relieved mechanically, I was still desperate for her to get back on the breast as soon as we got home. Mr. b and Kirk were heading to the store and after looking at us nursing on the couch just chuckled and said, “You two have fun.” Still, it took some time before she seemed like “mine” again. She just didn’t look at me the same way when I picked her up in the afternoon.

To just get it all over with at once I’ve also begun crib training. Well, not precisely. I don’t want to disturb her brother’s sleep in their room so instead it’s technically bassinet training. Same method we used with Kirk though: put the Bundle in her bundle bin rolled into our darkened bedroom, let her cry for X number of minutes, go in and comfort her, put her back down, wait for a longer period, go back in, and so on. It only took a few tries and then she slept soundly for a good solid four hours. She’s been a very noisy sleeper all along and prone to only sleeping on the boob or resting on one of our chests so I think this is a great first try. Hopefully when she’s too big for the bin she’ll already be used to sleeping by herself and the transition to the crib will be relatively easy.

I do feel kind of like I’m betraying her trust though. Leaving her with a stranger all day and then not even holding her all night. But hey, I still keep her in bed with me once she wakes up to nurse. Now that we’ve got the laying down position figured out good enough it’s easier to just roll over and switch her from side to side as she wants more boobie. And she was in a good mood this morning, even falling asleep on the “lengthy” five block drive to daycare, so I guess she’ll forgive me eventually. One day at a time.

What's On My Mind

Ronnie continues to be a champ at nursing. The only position we don't seem to have mastered is laying down in bed; it's good enough that I can catch an hour of sleep before returning her to her bassinet if I'm desperate. She does, however, go through these periods of feeding frenzy every few days where she's chomping at my nipples and demanding boob like every 30 minutes. Usually in the evenings. When I get to the point where I can't take her squirming anymore then I pass her on to her dad. Mr. b has been working on bottle training her. It's slow going but he reminded me that it was hard work with Kirk, too. And she's obviously got to learn.

I'm still not getting much via pumping but I guess I don't care. We can have Ronnie on formula at daycare and I'll continue to pump when I go back to work and that's what we'll have for everything in between.

Kirk continues to be absolutely smitten with his sister. He takes his big brother duties very seriously. If I ask him to watch her for a minute, he'll literally watch her. He loves announcing that she "wants boobie" when she starts to fuss. He's very patient and understanding about the fact that she doesn't do anything yet. He talks about how she's growing and will learn things. It's darling and sweet.

I think we've finally discovered his reversion though. Kirk wants to sleep in our bed a lot again. It's been quite some time since he's done that. If Mr. b happens to be crashed on the couch or downstairs I don't mind because there's enough room, even if Ronnie is next to me instead of in her bundle bin. But all four of us gets crowded! Last night Kirk just brought himself to our bed; I have a vague memory of him showing up and Mr. b just woke up and he was there. The problem was that Kirk apparently thought that if I was awake at 4 am nursing his sister then he could be up and jumping around and telling stories. His father got him put back into his own bed after that.

I took the bundle in for the obligatory visit at work yesterday. I can't believe my leave is already half over.

I'm so ready to start the allowed-to-have-sex-again countdown.

I think I've already lost the miniscule amount of baby weight I gained this time. My pants all fit already. And I haven't even started exercising yet. I plan to start that next week. I can feel the laziness in my muscles. Or at least, I can feel it during those rare moments when I'm well rested. I'm eating like a maniac, however, so I think milk production must be helping. The lactation nurse at the hospital said you need an extra 300 calories a day when you're pregnant but an extra 500 when you're nursing. Damn. I can tell.

I need to investigate the rules for drinking. I've heard that beer can help with milk let down and I'm presuming that means one drink in general and not beer specifically. I figure one drink won't affect the milk. Mr. b has bought me a couple of those flavored Smirnoff thingies and I haven't been able to finish one the two times I've had one. (Of course he bought me tall boys both times and then got to finish them himself so there may have been an ulterior motive there.) I know the phrase "pump and dump" but I don't know the details. At what point does the alcohol hit the milk ducts? Is the milk that's in there when you start drinking fine? What if you can't drain it all or how can you tell it's safe again?

There's a subtle difference to how I view us as a unit now that we have two kids. Before we were a couple that had a son. Now we're a family.

The Boob Barnacle

I'm kind of perplexed by breast feeding. The actual nursing seems to be going fine. Veronica gained another two and a half ounces as of her Monday check-up. We'll have one more weight check next Monday and then we should be able to get on the normal well baby visits schedule.

My boobs are definitely heavy with milk. I haven't had any kind of painful engorgement to deal with, thankfully, but there's certainly no shortage of boobie juice for the girl. And yet I can't get anything from pumping. It's very frustrating. My sister loaned me her pump and it seems to be a good one and yet I'm only getting about an ounce of milk. Per day. Both boobs combined. I tried using the manual pump yesterday and it was the same results. I had a rental hospital pump with Kirk and that thing worked great. And I don't remember it making my nipples so sore afterwards either. I'm going to have to figure something out by the time I go back to work or else I'll be forced to wean just by dint of having my supply dry up.

Mr. b tried bottle feeding Ronnie for the first time Tuesday night. I thought it seemed like a good idea until he was actually doing it. I was appalled at how pathetic the fridge supply of milk was after all the pumping I had done. I was horrified at how quickly it was gone. And I felt utterly useless. My sole purpose has been to feed this child and I felt like my only job had been taken away from me. I sulked in the bedroom all night.

I'm certainly not afraid of formula. But with Kirk he was on both breast and bottle, both milk and formula from literal day one. So I never had the mental paradigm shift to handle. That's just how things were. Mr. b and I split the nights into shifts and took turns. He also had a different job then which allowed him to often be home during the day on occasion. So it felt like more of a team effort. Now it feels like it's just me. Which is both stressful and also great. Kirk hasn't wanted his mama for months now so at least this gives me something to do. But it's also wreaking havoc with the crazy post-partum hormone emotion roller coaster.

Sleep, Eat, Poop

The biggest difference between Ronnie and Kirk so far is that she's nursing. Kirk was nearly a pound smaller and just didn't have the sucking reflex down at all. Plus since he was in the Level II nursery for a week I never got a chance to really spend time figuring it out with him. It was all about measurable amounts of fluid, breast milk or formula, to get him to gain weight. So it was kind of weird to have Ronnie in the hospital room with me and to be released before the full 48 hours were even up.

However, she's still small so jaundice is a very real issue. She's definitely yellowish in her face and halfway down her chest. Her extremities remain pink. But she's eating well and has been pooping the real breast fed baby poop instead of just the newborn meconium so the bilirubin is definitely being expunged. Just not as fast as we might like.

The homecare nurse came to check us out on Wednesday and found that Ronnie had dropped down to 5 pounds 8 ounces. She was down to 5lb 11oz when we left the hospital, and a weight drop is completely normal, but this was only 1 ounce off from the 10% birth weight benchmark. So the nurse suggested we bump up our first well baby visit to Thursday instead of next week. Ronnie was back up to 5lb 10oz at the clinic but who knows if that's because she had just eaten and she was totally hungry the day before. Either way, her weight is looking good and she's already grown a half inch in height. The doc wanted to have her blood checked though and get a bilirubin count. Since she was on the edge of intermediate and high levels, we took her in again this morning for the same blood work. This time it dropped, only very slightly, but at least it didn't go up. Jaundice apparently peaks on day 4 or 5 after birth so again, that all lines up. Doc decided that she should be fine over the weekend and doesn't need to have any UV treatment. At least it would have been an at-home option (they have some kind of a psychedelic light blanket now) so it's not like we would have had to take her in or anything. He'll check her out again on Monday.

Basically the weekend plan is lots of boobie milk and laying in patches of sunshine whenever possible. Nursing is very sweet but man alive do my nipples take a beating. Ronnie hasn't settled into any kind of feeding pattern yet so it's pretty much every 2 hours no matter what. She's gone as long as 4 hours between sessions but then she's also had at least one cluster feeding every day where she wants to eat about every 30 minutes for a good 2 to 3 hours. Those seem to be happening in the middle of the night so I need to start going to bed earlier just to combat that insanity. We'll figure it out. Strangely, all the trouble I had with Kirk is benefitting me now. I already knew about various techniques for latching her on, breaking the seal, getting her to swallow, and on and on. Only this time I can put that knowledge to use. I'll start pumping next week and then Mr. b can take some of the feedings. He's been awesome, changing all the diapers and doing nearly all of the Kirk care. But I know he wishes he could do more.

Body Image

I just noticed that the tips of my nipples are really dry and cracked. When I brought it up to Mr. b he said he noticed that about a week before. They seriously look like they should hurt but they don't at all. Did I really have calluses from the limited amount of breast feeding that my little crappy nurser did? Apparently. For about a week after Kirk had his last boobie feeding I could still squeeze out a couple of drops of milk. I tried the other night and got nothing. So that means I'm officially out of the "if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, or are nursing" side-effect category. I think my boobs feel different, too. I asked Mr. b about that and he said that they'll "never" be the same again. Great. Just what I was looking to hear, buddy. I'm not sure if they'll go back down to pre-pregnancy teeny weeny size. None of my old bras fit yet. What I really need to do is go in for a proper bra fitting. I've never had one in my life.

And then I need to start seriously working on the pregnancy weight. I went up 2 pants sizes and 1 shirt size when I was buying back-to-work clothes. I honestly don't care about clothing sizes though. I just want to be fit again. And I don't feel like I am anymore. I know the middle of the holiday season is probably the worst time of year to try to combat unnecessary weight though. I just need to start doing daily sit-ups to try to take care of the below-belly-button pudge that remains of my preggo belly. And figure out the best time of day to get back to riding my stationary bike. Now that Kirk is big enough for his exer-saucer, which he loves, I can have him hang out in there next to me while I ride. Mommy needs some aerobic activity. I know it's vain but I don't want to be like the rest of my extended family that all totally porked out after having babies. Sure, some of them were already solidly on that path pre-kids. But I still don't want to go that way.

Dairy Queen

Doc wasn't kidding when she said the normal birth control pills would dry my milk right up. I was down to nursing Kirk only once a day by this week. On Tuesday, I didn't nurse him at all. It felt very weird to have him at the boob again last night. Like it had been an exceedingly long time. I'm skipping today again and we'll do boob tomorrow. I can't imagine that there'll be much of anything being produced for much longer.

The thing is, there's not even really much time for nursing. I only have a few short hours to spend with my baby when I get home from work. And frankly, I'd rather play with him than just sit, reading a magazine or watching reruns of Stargate, while he toys with nursing. Besides, feeding Kirk rice cereal takes a while, too. So really, I'm just swapping out one lengthy feeding option for a new one.