...most women find themselves putting their hobbies--and girlfriends--aside as adults.
This quote is from Diablo Cody’s review of Rollergirls in February. I had been noticing a lack of activities and friendship in my own life lately so when I read this it really stuck with me. I guess I had assumed it was part and parcel of being a mom. You just have to put your own priorities on hold in order to care for this other person that is completely dependant upon you. And while that’s both empowering and fulfilling, it’s also draining and denies you an identity other than “Kirk’s Mom”. I’m more interesting than that dammit. But do I even know it anymore? I mean, I don’t sew anymore and my wardrobe used to be 90% my own creations. I’ve been working on the same knitting project for 6 months. I don’t even read. I’m lucky to get one book finished a month. And I used to plow through one every week or two! I don’t belong to any regular groups. Sure, I have book club, but that only meets once a month and I keep missing the meetings. They’re always perfectly legitimate excuses (everyone has the stomach flu, I’ll be in Texas, etc.) but then what? My choir is only active 3 months of the year. What about the meantime? Mr. b is off to band practice twice a week and I’m home with the boy. He always tells me I need to get out and do stuff, but what? And with whom? All my girlfriends are in the same boat as me. But why don’t we force the issue more? Not everyone has kids yet. But even my girlfriends without kids are “too busy”. I count myself lucky if I see a single person during the week that’s not part of my immediate family or a co-worker. Actually, once a week is probably too frequent. Usually it’s once a month. And when we do get together, we always tell each other the same lie, “It’ll be different when we all have kids. Then they can run around and play while we hang out.” It sounds lovely. Will it ever happen?
But then again, I’m having a good week this week. Diablo bought me lunch today (and because of that act of kindness, I’m not going to flame her for totally stealing my years-old pirate obsession!) and tomorrow I’m going over to another friend’s new pad. But 1) this is highly unusual and 2) I put together the hook up for tomorrow. Because I’m sick of hibernating. I’m sick of only having internet contact with people that live in town. I’m sick of only hearing about friends third-hand from Mr. b who heard about it from one of the boys at band practice. I may be Kirk’s Mom, but I’m also me. So now I need to find a kung fu or tai chi or yoga or belly dancing class nearby. And start taking Chinese lessons.