Week 34

The birth class really helped to assuage my fears. The instructor was a very cool broad and she said towards the beginning that she was going to gear it more for the "labor partners" than the women, since we had no choice at this point. I didn't know that the whole process was broken down into stages: 1) labor contractions/cervix dilation, 2) delivering the baby, 3) delivering the placenta. And that the first stage is subdivided into phases: 1) early labor (about to 5 cm, not too bad, can stay at home), 2) labor (about 5-7cm, should probably be at the hospital, they'll hurt), and 3) transition (about to 10cm, the really icky part where baby's head gets into position to go down the birth canal and your ability to swear like a sailor will be revealed). I was fascinated by the claims that actually pushing the baby out doesn't hurt but it does feel like you've got a bowling ball down there. That's quite a mind boggling statement of seeming contradictions.

Ultimately, both Mr. b and I realized that my instinctual plans (squat to deliver and remain on my feet and moving as much as possible during labor) were right on the money. And that both of us want me to try to do as much without pain medication as possible. The intervention options just make the whole process so much more medical-y. And in the case of an epidural (frankly the whole spine and needle thing squicks me out majorly) you can't move around, which I don't like at all.

We certainly needed the excuse to really talk frankly about our fears. Mr. b is scared of me. Scared of me hurting him verbally/emotionally/physically. And I'm scared of him taking it personally if I do and him going on the defensive, which is his natural position even when unnecessary. I will need him there for me. Teacher said that having your labor partner with you is equal to a shot of Demerol. I believe it. Mr. b is also scared of watching me be in pain and not being able to do anything about it. That's just so loving.

I've realized that a lot of my tears while reading the preggo lit (and watching the videos during the class) about labor and delivery have been less about my fear of the unknown and almost more of anticipatory love. I love this baby so much already. I had no idea how desperately I wanted to meet him and hold him and kiss him. And my love for Mr. b has exponentially increased, too. How can I possibly contain this much emotion for another month and a half?