Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I’m obsessed with finding the perfect banana recipe for using up over-ripe bananas. I always throw them in the freezer when they get too squishy and gross to eat. I’ve tried banana breads, banana muffins, banana cakes, banana cookies. Everything’s always really good. I’ve had some major successes and some merely good enoughs. But the perfect baked good has still eluded me. I think I’m finally onto something though. I just made banana bars. I adapted this recipe for pumpkin bars and swapped out the pumpkin puree. Fifteen ounces is one and seven-eighths cups. In this case, that worked out to be four bananas. I’m not that big of a walnut fan so I only used about half of what is called for. And I’m really not that big of a cinnamon fan so I used ½ teaspoon cinnamon, ½ teaspoon nutmeg, and ½ teaspoon ginger. And then I frosted the finished bars with some leftover homemade butter cream frosting from the last time I made a pink cake. They turned out fan-frickin-tastic. Still a trifle cakey and not quite as dense as I was hoping for. But super, extra moist. I’m definitely moving in the right direction. Of course my ideal is my late grandmother’s banana bread. I don’t think anyone has that recipe however so I’m working off of memory. Memory that’s most likely faulty after all these years and colored by nostalgia and enhanced by wishing for something that may not have actually been as perfect as I’ve convinced myself it was. But still. That’s what I’m aiming for.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Fear is the Mind Killer

Kirk fell out of bed last night. He's been sleeping in his big boy bed of late but has had either Mr. b or me in it with him for at least part of the night. There are still no rails. About midnight, as I was falling asleep and Mr. b was reading, we heard a terrible crash and tore down the hallway to see what had happened to him. He was stuck under his crib, right next to his bed. So Mr. b crawled in with him, to comfort him after such a terrifying event. I didn't know if Kirk would be into the idea of sleeping in his bed again tonight but that's what he chose. Of course he asked me to stay with him. Like putting him to bed last night, I told him explicitly that I would lay down and cuddle him for a few minutes but that's all. Last night he cried. Tonight he accepted it.

He is definitely going through a period of fear though. He's been startling at noises he's never noticed before. "What's that?!" He'll scurry over for a hug and cling to me as I explain that it was nothing, the furnace starting or the house settling or the distant train yard or the kitties fighting. He accepts it calmly and returns to playing but it still keeps happening.

Kirk has also started using phrases like, "I'm scared." Where did he learn that? If you ask him what's scary he'll inevitably respond with "I don't know" but it's still interesting and a little disturbing. Well, maybe not disturbing. Fear is an important part of being a human. And with his tendancy to be a little bully it's always nice to have confirmation that he's feeling *some* emotions. But I don't want my son to be scared of anything. I don't want him to have to be afraid. He shouldn't need to experience true fear. I know he's just growing and developing and this, too, shall pass.