Week 29

I feel a bit better about my childbirth fears. I just spoke with my work friend, the Russian, about it. I miss working next to her. We always got along so very well and read all the same books.

She asked if we had figured out daycare yet and I said that we haven't even signed up for the childbirth class yet. She thought we needn't bother but I pointed out that I definitely need to have my fears assuaged. So we embarked on a very frank discussion about giving birth. I figured out that it's not the labor pains that I'm afraid of. I've dealt with major pain several times before in my life. And I've promised myself that I will stop being lazy and get back into doing yoga to build my endurance and help me to zen out.

It's the birthing itself that freaks me out. I know too much about how it affects your skeleton and you get all torn up and it's terrifying. But it's also the short part. The Russian pointed out that at that point, I will want nothing more than to push him out. And he will want nothing more than to be pushed out. (Unless he's a matricidal maniac like Stewie!) It'll be unpleasant but ultimately, I won't notice or care. And the afterbirth is really like an afterthought. There are no bones so I'll just be told to push one more time while they're busy doing the infant cleaning and whatnot, they'll examine the placenta, see what repairs I need, and that's it.

She also told me to just plan on going for the drugs, whether I get an epidural or something else or nothing at all. It'll help me to stay calm. Hysterics don't help anything. If I'm in the mindset that I'm getting drugs going in, then I won't have to freak out. She pointed out that the first child is the worst because it's a complete unknown. She had an epidural for her first, a shot of something that wore off by the time she was fully dilated for her second, and nothing for her third. I know my mom had nothing for all three of us. And she's little!

It was also good to get reminded of one important fact: I live in the 21st century in the most powerful country in the world. Sometimes you need a Muscovite to point out the obvious.