Drama

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
~Irish Saying

I find myself thinking of this old adage whenever I deal with my brother. He has become the embodiment of the Old Testament directive to “cleave unto” your wife, to the exclusion of your birth family. And when I remember how close we used to be, and how unbearably awful things are now, it makes me worry about what the future may hold for Kirk. I don’t want to loose him just because he’s married.

It’s strange because I used to worry about ending up having the same kind of relationship Mr. b has with his mother. They love each other and get along with each other and get drunk with each other and are close emotionally, if not geographically. But they also have a time limit and with snip and snipe at each other if the visit is too long. Kirk and I definitely fit that pattern. We can already push each other’s buttons and already need to take breaks from each other and already just get annoyed with each other. But we also aren’t completely dismissive of each other’s thoughts and feelings.

Maybe it’s my lifelong fight against conformity that’s making the latest round of bullshit with my brother hurt so much? I truly don’t know when he became so judgmental. It’s frustrating to see someone’s previously open mind close so completely. I don’t think Kirk is capable of that kind of lack of empathy but I wouldn’t have guessed it of my brother either.

Here’s the thing. I think my kids are happy and well adjusted and I take joy in the little things in life. I let the annoyances roll off me more often than not because I’m too lazy to waste energy on them. I live in the present because I can’t change the past. I like to have fun. I used to have, hooboy, a different kind of fun before kids but that was before kids. Yet I’m not going to just close the book on fun simply because of being a parent. I make sure my children are healthy and safe and I include them in as many activities as I can because I want them to know what’s out there and I don’t want to shelter them unnecessarily. I do not believe that is irresponsible. I do not believe that makes me a bad parent. I do not believe that my doing things differently from how someone else might is cause for disgust and revulsion. And I do not want to be around someone that I know is going to watch and analyze and judge my every move.

Two Transitions

When I got home from work last Friday I was thinking that it might have been my last day of pumping at work. Doing it just once a day has really reduced my milk supply nicely and I can definitely feel that I’m on the right track. But then over the weekend I started doing math and realized I will be going eleven to twelve hours between feedings if I skip pumping at work. I think it’ll be fine but I’m definitely putting it off a little longer. I only have ten or so bags left from the last milk storage purchase so that’ll be my cut-off.

I think it’s obvious that the real trick to finalizing weaning will be suckling for comfort – and I mean for both Ronnie and me! She doesn’t actually need the boobie calories anymore, especially as we’re introducing whole milk into her formula bottles. But it’s still great bonding time for us and I still like snuggling with her when she comes into bed with me at whatever point at night.

In the meantime, Mr. b and I are putting out collective foot down on Kirk regarding sippy cups at bedtime and wearing overnight diapers. Mr. b was over 5 years old before he was having constant, regular dry nights so it’s not surprising to me that we’ve been keeping Kirk in overnights. But he’s been getting lazy with them. Over the last month or so, he’s woken up maybe three or four mornings a week with a poopie diaper. That’s ridiculous. So he’s cut off. He has to make sure he’s pooped at least once that day or else I make him sit on the pot before tucking him in for the night.

Since he’s wearing underpants in bed I’m also not allowing him to bring his sippy to bed with him anymore. It’s irked me for quite some time but Mr. b didn’t care and it just didn’t seem worth the fight. I would only fill the cup with maybe an inch of beverage so it’s not like he was getting a big huge drink. But now even that it over. I’m hoping a nice side effect will be lessening Kirk’s reliance on the damn sippies in the first place! It’s not like he’s going to be allowed to have them in kindergarten…

Vision Quest

Kirk has his appointment with the eye specialist on Wednesday morning. His regular ophthalmologist suggested we see this guy for a second opinion on if the glasses are fixing his strabismus or if he’ll need patching or surgery or something else. Being that it’s the University, it’s a teaching hospital and clinic and the first doctor we saw was a resident. She was really good with Kirk, running through all the various tests, but definitely seemed flustered with some of his refusal to cooperate. She brought another woman in who I thought must have been an instructor but it wasn’t clear. This second woman was fabulous. She took no guff from Kirk but was also cheerful, brusque but friendly. She whipped through the final couple of exams in no time. They did some really interesting stereoscopic tests that I assumed were for eye alignment.

It’s amazing how much I know about eye exams now considering I’ve only ever had one in my lifetime – outside of school checks – and have never needed corrective lenses. There’s so much more than just how far you can see. Depth and clarity and binocularity and it’s really a truly amazing discipline.

And of course I knew that there was no way Kirk was going to be able to avoid getting his eyes dilated. He hates that. It’s not just the eye drops themselves, though he really despises that process as well. He truly can’t stand the effect of having his pupils opened so wide. He complained about the exam lights blinding him even! Not that I blame him. It’s very trippy. He was extremely concerned, knowing we were going to the eye doctor, and had been freaking out about getting shots and “magic eye drops”. I assured him he would not be getting shots but kept my mouth shut on the other. I counseled him to let the doctor know right away that he didn’t want those things and sure enough, when they walked in he announced his preferences. Alas, he did not avoid getting eye drops.

There is, however, a lot more stuff to do when you’re on campus and have to kill time waiting for the drops to take effect.

Then we finally saw the doctor himself. He was amazing. I really, really liked him. He was great with Kirk and explained everything to us very clearly. Apparently the middle woman that was so fabulously nonsense-free is an orthoptist. They specialize in vision alignment. The U graduates one per year and there are only ten programs in the country. The doctor has three on staff. So it really makes sense for us to go there. The doctor explained that while to us it looks like the glasses are correcting his cross, it’s actually still 6 or 7 degrees off. It has to be a larger degree to be noticed by the naked eye and they consider it parallel when it’s down to about 3 degrees. So he’s getting there! Since the glasses do seem to be making a difference, he wanted to try a new prescription for Kirk. In two months then he’ll check to see if that’s helping enough.

Basically there are three options: the glasses will correct it completely, the glasses won’t correct it at all, the glasses will correct it partially. Our next steps will depend on which of those three things happens. I feel positive that we’re not being pushed towards surgery and that if it ends up being necessary, it will be because all other options were explored fully. In the meantime, I guess we’ll have to go to the glasses store this weekend…

KINDERGARTEN!

Kirk has his kindergarten registration last night. It was a lot of fun but I was exhausted by the end of it.

We got to the school and headed into the gym. None of us had ever been inside it before but there were teachers and PTA parents stationed all around, pointing the way. Immediately we recognized someone: angelmamma! I had no idea she had decided to hold M back a year. I’m very excited that he and Kirk will be in the same grade, though they didn’t really remember each other. It’s been several years since they were at daycare together. We didn’t get to hang out much because we were in different nametag color groups.

Our group traipsed off up the stairs to go meet with some teachers in one of the classrooms. They happened to have the same floor rug that used to be in Kirk’s bedroom and so instead of sitting with the kids for storytime, he laid down upon it and refused to move. When he did move he came over to where I was sitting with his sister and wanted to play with the Duplos that were there. Nuh uh. Mr. b inched forward to the point where he was sitting just behind the kids and eventually Kirk got the point and joined him. The teachers were great and ignored the misbehavior, letting him adjust to his surroundings on his own terms, but still calling him up to participate in the interactive portion after most of the other kids had gotten a turn. I was impressed.

After the story, our group went out to ride the bus. Kirk was much better behaved here. He listened carefully to the rules for bus riding and was one of the very first to start singing “The Wheels on the Bus” when the teacher asked if anyone knew any songs about buses. He seemed by excited by the whole thing.

Finally our group went to another classroom and this time Kirk was right in with the kids, no prompting necessary. When they asked for volunteers, his hand went up but he didn’t spazz out like some of the others so he got picked. They sang and he played his role and seemed to be having a great time.

Meanwhile, I found someone I knew! Before our groups split up I heard my name called and saw someone I haven’t seen in over ten years! She and I were friends through the girl I went to Mexico with and stayed friends after she moved out of the state. But we had lost touch and though I thought of her from time to time, she certainly never crossed my mind as a possible mother of my son’s school mate! Her son and Kirk got along really, really well and played together the entire time we were back at the cafeteria filling out paperwork. I’m glad he’ll have someone he knows, even if they’re not in the same classroom. Now we just have to find time for playdates!

Everything went really smoothly and I think Kirk’s genuinely excited about starting school. I am, too. But now the worries are setting in. He’s going to be taking the bus thanks to some incredibly strangely drawn district borders. Waiting for the bus I’m not worried about. Riding the bus I’m not worried about. Getting off the bus and finding his way to his classroom I’m worried about. Which is stupid because it’s not like they won’t have teachers and PTA parents there to guide kids again.

Two Front Teeth

Ronnie still hasn’t gotten any new teeth. Her bottom two cut through on Halloween weekend so it’s been well over two months. I don’t remember Kirk having such a long gap between the first teeth and new ones. I could be making this up but I seem to recall that once they started coming in, it was slow but steady. It’s sort of weird that the little girl is just holding constant like this.

It’s not actually a problem in any way except eating. She wants to feed herself. Badly. It’s become nearly impossible to feed her any kind of spoon food. Doesn’t matter if it’s baby cereal or applesauce she Does. Not. Want. But there are only so many things you can give her that she can mash with her hard gums! The foods have to be firm enough that she can pick them up with her fingers but soft enough that she can still “chew” it. And we can’t just give her puffs and other baby snacks all the time.

Apple slices are actually out. Veronica has figured out how to take bites using just her bottom teeth and then she ends up gagging on too big chunks. But most everything else we’ve given her seems to be working quite well. She loves bread, either slices or rolls, because she can menace it at her own pace. We’ve been going through pretzel rods at a mad pace. She’s down with cheese and scrambled eggs and halved grapes and she’s even been eating her brother’s dinties off his pizza slices! Her aim and accuracy is increasing at a rapid pace and there’s less and less mess in her seat when we pull her out of her high chair. Except, of course, for the times when she doesn’t actually feel like eating and instead just wants to menace…

H2G2

I love the Hitchhiker’s Guide. The books, the newest movie, the BBC mini-series, everything. I love the way that each version is different from the other and it doesn’t matter. Douglas Adams himself didn’t worry about contradicting anything he wrote previously so why should I? I love that it’s all canon.

This December lis and I decided to do a complete reread of the entire series. I started out strong. Obviously Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the one I know best, since that’s the one that was more or less adapted for screen. I found myself visualizing Mos Def as Ford Prefect but still had the BBC actor in my head for Arthur. I had a hard time remembering what happened next as I got into Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the mini and I just didn’t remember all the stuff that happened after they actually left Milliways. Life, the Universe, and Everything was even more of a blank for me. I would remember things as I got to them but I wouldn’t have been able to come up with any of the plot on my own. The sad thing is, as I was posting my earliest book list for posterity, I realized I had reread them only as far back as 2005!

It wasn’t just that I couldn’t remember enough to distinguish one book’s plot from the other. I also didn’t find them to be that funny. Which is odd because they are known as some of the funniest writing there is. I’m honestly not sure what’s the blame for the lack of humor. Maybe I’ve read them too many times? Maybe they seem funnier in retrospect than when you actually revisit them? Maybe you need to hear them and I should get audio books? I really don’t know. So by the time I got to So Long, And Thanks for All the Fish I was considerably less impressed. It didn’t help that I found that book to be rather extraneous. I was happy with Arthur living on Krikkit and flying. I didn’t need any more. OK great, he finally got some action with Fenchurch and he finally found his way back to Earth but it all seemed just superfluous. And the space travel scenes with Ford struck me as intentionally obtuse. I feel like the only point of the whole thing was to kill off Marvin.

Now, the volume that we own doesn’t have the fifth book of the “trilogy” so I had to check Mostly Harmless out of the library. I was completely certain I had never read it until I kept being plagued by déjà vu while reading. Mr. b convinced me I read it once, back in the late summer of 1993. And this book felt even more egregiously unnecessary. Fenchurch was unceremoniously removed so that Arthur was back to being lost and alone. Ford was on a futile quest to save the Guide. And suddenly Trillian came back, only rather out of character and there was also another version even more out of character than the original. What was the point? To erase them all from history? I didn’t need that ending. It made me wonder if the publishers had demanded yet another sequel and Adams had been contractually obliged but didn’t want to have to do it ever again. I don’t actually know any backstory gossip but it really didn’t feel like his heart was in it.

Still, I put myself on the library waitlist for book six, just published and written by Eoin Colfer. I’ve never read anything of his (hers?) so I don’t know what to expect. I have no idea if Adams had left notes for another book or had even started one before his sudden death. And even though I’m somewhat soured on the stories at the moment, I still love them and am curious to find out just what could possibly happen next.

Pink Overload

I am officially over pink.

I’m not really sure how it happened. Hell, I like pink and wear it myself! Oh, I was never a particularly girlie girl growing up but I didn’t shun the color either. So I certainly wasn’t dreading pink outfits for my daughter. She has some unbelievably adorable clothes, like the awesome shirt sbf just got her for Christmas with a gold tree and birdie on the front. And I’ve bought some of them myself! Sure maybe I wouldn’t have picked out *all* of the hand-me-downs I’ve acquired but I can usually make them work.

But when I was folding laundry the other night I just couldn’t believe how much pink there was in her drawers. Too much pink. I mean, wow. I try to avoid putting pink tops with pink bottoms but I felt like that’s all that was left the last couple of times I dressed Ronnie. And yet her father always manages to get her into other colors. Hmm...

BOOKS READ IN 2009

For the third year running, I managed to read more books than the previous year. And last year I was astounded at the increase over 2007! (Which was itself double 2006. Hmm, I should backdate a post with my lists for earlier years. You know, for posterity.) I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up the trend. Heh. It helps that I continued to not read anything “hard”. I thought my reading would dwindle once the baby had been born but titles 11 through 17 were read while on maternity leave. I guess that might be the key to my ridiculous output: I had a lot of time to sit since I was nursing. And pumping! I was pumping twice a day at work for most of the year which gave me nearly an extra hour of reading on top of my bus commute every day.

I also read a lot of series this year. Some I completely finished and others I’m still working on. Several I caught up to the author and now have to wait for new titles to be published. Regardless, it was easy for me to pick out my next book when I was in the middle of a series. I used to try and wait a couple months between series titles, just as a palate cleanser I guess. But I found myself waiting sometimes only one or two books before returning to whatever series – and not even that when I was finishing off Sookie Stackhouse. Essentially I spent the year just switching off between Katie Chandler, Schuyler Van Alen, Hanayu Ashitaba, Sookie, Anita Blake, and Harry Dresden.

I did make some good discoveries this year though. Pete Hautman was a new find thanks to book club and I read several of his other young adult titles as well. I do hope to finish going through his work because I think he’s a fabulous author and really captures the essence of being a teenager. There weren’t any duds in our book club selections this year. I’d have to pick Guernsey as my favorite but I really enjoyed Birchbark House and Latest Grievance as well.

My reading resolution for this year is to read the books that are already in my house. I have several shelves filled with To Be Read titles. Some I’ve bought used. Some I’ve bought new. Some people have loaned to me and probably forgot where they got to since I’ve had them so long. Some people have just given to me because I can’t say no to books and then they can clear off their own shelves. There’s lot of good stuff for me to discover. But first I need to finish Anita and Harry.


1. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 1 Ayumi Komura
2. The Tales of Beedle the Bard J.K. Rowling
3. The Birchbark House Louise Erdrich
4. California Demon: The Secret Life of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom Julie Kenner
5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 Volume 3 Wolves at the Gate Joss Whedon
6. Blue Bloods Melissa de la Cruz
7. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 2 Ayumi Komura
8. Dead Until Dark Charlaine Harris
9. Grave Peril Jim Butcher
10. Masquerade Melissa de la Cruz
11. The Laughing Corpse Laurell K. Hamilton
12. Revelations Melissa de la Cruz
13. Leaving Home Anita Brookner
14. Living Dead in Dallas Charlaine Harris
15. The Optimist’s Daughter Eudora Welty
16. Circus of the Damned Laurell K. Hamilton
17. Rainbow Valley L.M. Montgomery
18. Godless Pete Hautman
19. Club Dead Charlaine Harris
20. The Lunatic Café Laurell K. Hamilton
21. Wyrd Sisters Terry Pratchett
22. Fool Christopher Moore
23. Sweetblood Pete Hautman
24. Bloody Bones Laurell K. Hamilton
25. Summer Knight Jim Butcher
26. Once Upon Stilettos Shanna Swendson
27. Dead to the World Charlaine Harris
28. Witches Abroad Terry Pratchett
29. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince J.K. Rowling
30. Damsel Under Stress Shanna Swendson
31. All Rivers Flow to the Sea Alison McGhee
32. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 3 Ayumi Komura
33. Rilla of Ingleside L.M. Montgomery
34. Bite Laurell K. Hamilton, Charlaine Harris, MaryJanice Davidson, Angela Knight, Vickie Taylor
35. Don’t Hex with Texas Shanna Swendson
36. Dead as a Doornail Charlaine Harris
37. Powers of Detection: Stories of Mystery & Fantasy Edited by Dana Stabenow
38. The Killing Dance Laurell K. Hamilton
39. Many Bloody Returns Edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner
40. All-in Pete Hautman
41. Three Men in a Boat, to Say Nothing of the Dog Jerome K. Jerome
42. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows
43. Definitely Dead Charlaine Harris
44. Mixed Vegetables, Vol. 4 Ayumi Komura
45. Night’s Edge Charlaine Harris, Maggie Shayne, Barbara Hambly
46. Burnt Offerings Laurell K. Hamilton
47. FlashForward Robert J. Sawyer
48. My Big Fat Supernatural Wedding Edited by P.N. Elrod
49. No Limit Pete Hautman
50. The Van Alen Legacy Melissa de la Cruz
51. All Together Dead Charlaine Harris
52. Blue Moon Laurell K. Hamilton
53. How Green Was My Valley Richard Llewellyn
54. My Latest Grievance Elinor Lipman
55. From Dead to Worse Charlaine Harris
56. Unusual Suspects: Stories of Mystery & Fantasy Edited by Dana Stabenow
57. Dead and Gone Charlaine Harris
58. Obsidian Butterfly Laurell K. Hamilton
59. The Lost Symbol Dan Brown
60. Wolfsbane and Mistletoe Edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner
61. Death Masks Jim Butcher
62. Narcissus in Chains Laurell K. Hamilton
63. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8 Volume 4 Time of Your Life Joss Whedon
64. The More Than Complete Hitchhiker’s Guide Douglas Adams
65. Cerulean Sins Laurell K. Hamilton
66. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Christopher Moore

Epistle to Nicky

Dear Santa,
I would like you to know that I have been very good this year. I am trying to listen & not talk back, & I am willing to try new things to eat.

For Christmas this year I would like:
1. McQueen racing set
2. Blue Nerf sword & a yellow Nerf blaster
3. Lego Indiana Jones video game
4. Drum chair
5. New cube
6. New kitchen set
7. New bracelet - a purple one
8. A suitcase
9. A new toy Smoe kitty pet

Those are my ideas. I would appreciate anything you bring me. Merry Christmas to you and Mrs. Claus.
Love,
Kirk

Fear the Reaper

Kirk is mildly obsessed with death at the moment. I’m not really sure if this is typical at age four and a half or what. I don’t think he truly understands the concept of mortality, but he definitely knows that people and things die and it freaks him out. So he talks about it. A lot.

I’m not entirely sure what started it all. My sole remaining grandmother has been on a steep and steady decline for the past ten months so there’s definitely been frequent conversation about aging. At one point a few months ago Kirk told me that he wants to be a dad (his standard answer to “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is “A Daddy.”) but he doesn’t want to be a grandpa because he doesn’t want to get old. And then he invented the dying machine.



We were flabbergasted when he first came up with this concept. He announced out of nowhere that you need to take a rock and smash your dying machine so you can’t die. Apparently everybody has their own dying machine, though there’s still some confusion on the subject. He’s worked through the mythology pretty thoroughly with his dad, dictating the drawing to his father, so you’d have to ask Mr. b for more details but I believe the dying machine is in the center of the Earth. I’m not sure why more people haven’t smashed theirs. Maybe you forget about it as you get older and smashing it just no longer seems to be a top priority?

Teeny Weany

Nearly everyone I’ve asked about weaning has said to go slowly and start by just skipping one nursing session a day. That seems logical but which one do I skip? If Ronnie doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night – which is very rare – then I’m ready to burst when I get up in the morning. So I’d have to pump if I didn’t pull her out of her crib before I left for work. When I get home we both want to spend time together. I have already been avoiding going straight into nursing mode the second I walk in the door so maybe that was me unconsciously skipping a session. But I do feed her as soon as we’re both done with supper. And then she nurses on and off all evening long, well into bedtime. It’s not a case of actual “sessions” but rather a continuous switching from Boob One to Boob Two and back again until she’s in her crib for the night.

Yesterday it dawned on me: skip one of my daytime pumpings. I pump twice a day at work, once mid-morning and once in the afternoon. But I’ve been noticing a slow decline in my milk supply in the last few months since Ronica has been on solid foods. I’m bringing home maybe two or even three ounces less each day compared to how much I brought home when I first came back from maternity leave. Now, I’ve never been one that tries to supply enough breast milk for all daytime feedings when I’m away. That’s just too much work and literally unnecessary. Ronnie’s had formula at daycare since she started and when Mr. b started staying home with the kids one of the first things we did was buy formula for him to use during the day. So I’m not at all concerned about how much milk I’m pumping. Which makes this the perfect first (conscious) step towards gradual weaning. I pumped only one time today, just after lunch. I felt a bit full but not as uncomfortable as I have been after lengthier periods of time. I think this should be a nice way to ease into it. I don’t plan to even consider more active weaning until at least after the New Year.

The Amazing Bundle

I think the biggest adjustment I have to make to Mr. b staying home with the kids is when to feed Bundle in the morning. So far I’ve been able to sneak out of the house in the dark before anyone even gets up. I have my alarm set for extra early so I can go pick the little girl out of her crib and nurse her in bed before I start getting ready. Then I just leave her in bed with her daddy. This works even if she wakes up at 4 or 5 am, too. And then I don’t have to try to pump before I leave or when I first get to work or something else ridiculous like that.

We’re also working on a new bedtime plan. Now that Ronnie is home all day her naps are definitely being curtailed. I think she is fine on only one a day already instead of two still. She takes boobie snoozes with me in the evening when she’s nursing post-dinner. So then when her brother is in bed and she’s still not going to sleep I hand her off to her daddy. Generally I can get her down but she won’t stay down. She’ll sleep in her crib in their bedroom for maybe 30 minutes and then wake up and want more Mama. It’s a fine line but I’m starting to figure out when she’s *actually* still hungry and when she just wants to be held. Since just holding her without sticking a boob in her mouth is not an option in her mind, and I don’t want to be a pacifier, then it’s Daddy’s turn. I make myself scarce and he pat-pats her back to sleep. It’s working pretty well. And getting her used to falling asleep without a boob is good since weaning is looming ever closer.

Veronica’s definitely in a Mama Phase though. As soon as I get home from work she demands that I hold her. Doesn’t matter what she’s doing, eating or menacing, she wants me to pick her up. She race-crawls over to me if she’s not in her high chair and hauls herself up on my leg, begging to be picked up.

It’s just crazy how much she’s grown. I’ve completely failed to keep updating her new accomplishments. Maybe about three (four?) months ago we took down the changing table because we were changing her on the floor more often anyway. She sits up on her own since late September, about 6 and a half months. Just after 7 months she started crawling properly, on her knees with her belly off the ground. From there it’s been exponential. At first she’d pull herself up on furniture to her knees.



And then a week later on to her feet.



She can now easily transfer her weight well enough that she moves along the edges of furniture or can go back and forth between the couch and ottoman or our knees and the chair or whatever. Her bottom two teeth cut through simultaneously Halloween weekend, just a week before the 8 month mark. I haven’t figured out which teeth are coming next but there’s definite movement going on in there again. It’s just been a constant stream of new developments. I don’t remember them coming this rapid-fire with Kirk. There was more of a sense of ebb and flow. He’d have a new trick and then that would last for a while. Then we’d get a slight step back to warn us something new was coming up. I don’t know if this is a girl thing or a second child thing but it’s rather amazing to witness. I had Mr. b lower the mattress in her crib so she couldn’t launch herself over the bar (I’m seriously expecting her to hoist herself into the bathtub while she’s “supervising” her brother’s bath one of these days…) but we’re already talking about getting her a big girl bed. Time to start looking for bunk beds.

I can’t decide if Ronnie is starting to pick up on sign language or not. I haven’t been using it as much with her as I did with Kirk. And I know her father isn’t using it at all. But she keeps doing certain motions with her hands that seem a bit more deliberate than just “Hey cool! These things are attached!” I also don’t remember when Kirk started obviously responding. But it seems like we’ve always been able to communicate with him so it must have been early. I guess it’s time for me to start reviewing archive posts and see how their timing really does compare.

Blended

My blender got a work out this weekend. I was on a roll making stuff out of the borderline questionable produce on the counter and in the fridge. I’ve always been pretty good about either using or freezing the overripe bananas. I want to get better at finding things to do with the other fruits and vegetables before they just have to be tossed.

First I used up the pumpkin puree I had made for the Bundle at Halloween. I’m not sure why she didn’t like it. She likes squash. She likes zucchini. But she definitely did not like pumpkin. Her brother has been getting some serious mileage out of the fact that he ate an entire pumpkin when he was on baby food his first Halloween. I had pumpkin in the freezer for ages and he ate every last bit. Anyway, I also had a bunch of baby carrots way past their prime so I made pumpkin and carrot and ginger (leftover from Mr. b’s fad diet earlier this fall) soup and it was simply divine. Definitely going into my regular rotation. Really easy and utterly delicious.

I had another giant zucchini on the counter that our neighbors gave me and unlike the first one they had passed on, I had just zero inspiration for what to do with it. So it kept sitting there. Finally I realized I had to use it so I just made puree. Ronnie liked it the last time I pureed the leftover zucchini after I made bread and I figure hey, I can always make carrot and zucchini soup, right? HA!

My aunt recently sent me this article - featuring a picture of her granddaughter, my cousin’s daughter - so I’ve been thinking about baby food for a while. I’m not really a baby food making machine. I don’t have any philosophy behind doing it. I’m not trying to control the food my child intakes. I don’t have to work around any allergies or dietary restrictions. I’m definitely not brainwashed by the hippie organic bullshit. (Because I hate the bastardization of that word. We are all carbon based life forms. Period.) I don’t necessarily think it saves *that* much money, though it certain saves some. Mostly I do it for two reasons: 1) I like to cook and so it scratches that itch if I don’t have time for a big fancy meal and 2) I can introduce Ronnie to foods that aren’t available from Gerber.

But that doesn’t really explain the third puree I made this weekend. We had a half a sack of bulk dried apricots (again, left over from the mister’s weird diet fad) and they weren’t really getting eaten and were taking up space in the cupboard. So even though I can buy baby food apricots, I decided this was the best thing do to with them. I boiled them up to rehydrate them and then blended them and then I fell in love. Seriously. The frickin’ best tasting thing ever to come out of that blender. I want to have puree of dried apricots in my fridge at all times. I think it could possibly be the most versatile food product of all time. It would make a great sauce for pork. It would make a great ice cream topping. It’s delicious just plain as it. It would be great in a jelly roll. Or a pin wheel. Or a tart. I can’t stop thinking of ways to use it.

And of course after all that industry I ordered pizza for supper.

Paradigm Shift

I’ve always known that I do not have the temperament to be a stay at home mom. Conversely, I’ve always known that Mr. b does have the temperament to be a stay at home dad. And now he is.

This is going to be a big change for our family but I think it’s going to be a good one. He’s over the halfway mark now with his schooling and his projects have been demanding more and more of his time. Since he has spent his days at work, this meant that he would have to go meet partners even on nights with no class, or leave early to meet before class. It was getting to be very hard on Kirk to have so little time with his daddy. It was getting to be very hard on Daddy to have so little time with his son. And Ronnie really hasn’t gotten to have much alone time with her daddy at all. As soon as she sees me it’s all mama, all the time.

Next week is the last official week of daycare. I don’t think it’s sunk it to Kirk yet. I think he thinks he’s just having a random free day where he managed to con his dad into keeping him at home today. But the way I figure it, he’ll be home with his father until he starts kindergarten in the fall. By the time Mr. b is done with school and looking for jobs, we should be back down to only one child in daycare. That will be a helluva thing.

And really, the financial part is the only con that I can see to this whole thing. Because even not paying for double daycare, that’s still not quite as much as his entire month’s wages. But once you add in the money saved in all the other little areas – from buying lunches to having someone focused on the household budget – it should be close. And hey, the whole world is fucked right now so what difference will it make?

A big difference emotionally and mentally. I’m already looking forward to not having to get three people ready in the morning. I genuinely prefer taking the bus to driving. I think Bundle will get more nurturing care with her father. I think Kirk will be more accepting of the time his dad does have to spend away if he has him around all day. I think my husband will have significantly lowered stress levels from being able to spend time with his kids, from being able to meet school partners during the day, from not having to focus any time or energy on a job that has no relevance to his chosen career. We’ve grown complacent in our lower middle class lifestyle and having someone at home all day will allow both of us to examine what can change and what needs to change. The long-term cleaning and organizing projects that never get bumped up on the To Do list from nice-to-have status will actually get done.

Mr. b has renamed his blog to Ad Dad and plans to chronicle this transition. I’m very excited that after so much discussion and “can we really do this” hemming and hawing, the day is finally here. This is going to be great.

Put Some Toilet Water On It

Sunday night Kirk killed the toilet. Daddy was at the Steely Dan concert and Mama was busy with Bundle and Kirk used about 2/3 of a roll of toilet paper. I had been talking to him down the hall, concerned something was Going On but didn’t actually put the baby down and go investigate. I told him explicitly not to use too much paper, not to take big pieces, and to flush in the middle if he thought he might need more. Kirk didn’t listen to Mama.

I attempted to plunge the toilet but couldn’t get it cleared. I figured I was a wuss. But then Mr. b tried the toilet snake yesterday morning and that didn’t work either. So I guess that explains why the plunger wasn’t good enough. After work we tried the Depot and checked out our other options. We had a longer pipe snake from the basement floor drain issues of a couple years ago. But that proved to be too flexible and would just bunch up at the clog.

Mr. b started investigating options online. Dawn: didn’t work. Shop-Vac: seemed to be helping until it stopped sucking and started blowing. Toilet water was being sprayed all over the hallway wall. At the same time the toilet started running uncontrollably and the bowl began to overflow. I tried to soak up the mess with towels but instead ran to the neighbors to borrow their wet-dry vac. The hallway was flooded and it was flowing into the bedrooms and the linen closet. It dripped down into the furnace room downstairs. As the menfolk were investigating – opening the evacuation pipe further along will entail tearing into the wall because the geniuses who refinished the already finished basement closed everything off – I tried to keep the kids away from the mess and clean up at least a little bit.

So now we still don’t have a working toilet. If we didn’t have the downstairs bathroom we’d have had to call a plumber or stay at a hotel. Kirk was sent to bed early last night. He is contrite if flippant. His biggest worry is that buying a new toilet will cut into the Christmas presents budget. We’ve been trying to impress on him that the lesson is not Don’t Use Too Much Toilet Paper but rather Always Listen To Mama. Because he didn’t and he should have.

Hallowe'en

Kirk decided early on this year that he wanted to be Superman for Halloween.



Naturally Mr. b then realized Jor-El would be the perfect costume for him.



I wanted to get a hot dog bunting for Bundle, because that’s hilarious, but didn’t want to spend twenty bucks when she doesn’t care yet. Thankfully we still had the baby demon costume that A3 wore last year and Kirk wore three years ago.



I couldn’t find the horned hood thingie though but found the Santa hat to be even funnier. She was Satan Claus! I was out of inspiration and so just wore festive black and had green hair.



My folks and my sister came over with A2 and A3 to trick or treat with us while my dad passed out candy.

Food Fight

Kirk fights with us over trying new foods. It’s gotten to be quite brutal. He didn’t start out as a picky eater and I’m really not sure how it even happened. We have spaghetti once a week because it’s cheap and easy, yes, but also because we know he will eat it. We always have fish sticks in the house and have had many meals of frozen fish filets along side his breaded minced fish sticks. I won’t cook him his own separate meal but I also don’t want him to starve.

We’ve tried so many different methods to get him to just try things. Mr. b is right that we don’t want to make eating an unpleasant experience so I especially have to keep my temper in check and make sure I’m not punishing him unduly. But it’s also gotten to the point where Kirk has requested time out in his room in lieu of trying the one bite we’re requiring. And that is not going to fly.

Typically we’ll insist on One Single Bite of whatever the new food item is, and then he can have a peanut butter sandwich or something else. Occasionally Kirk will find that he actually likes it and then eat a normal dinner with us. Usually, however, there are tears and screams and yelling and threats and he’ll get his blanket or other precious item put on top of the refrigerator and I’ll end up throwing up my hands before I get physical and then Mr. b leaves for class and I’m stuck with a child in revolt. I’ve attempted a new rule: you don’t want to try that new thing? Fine. But you have to try *some other* new thing of your choice. So far that’s worked a grand total of One Time.

I know that it can take kids up to 10 tries before they develop a taste for something new to their palates. I know that just providing the options and eating by example are all supposed to be the “correct” action. But frankly, I don’t see it working. I guess we’ll move on to the smother-it-in-ketchup option next. I don’t really know what else to try. I do know that fighting with Kirk about his eating habits brings out the absolute worst in me and I hate that. I hate that I have such violence inside me and I hate that it’s my own child that activates it.

Sleep Study

Sleep, or lack thereof, continues to be the subject of much consternation in our house. At first I thought I had figured it out. Mr. b was home on Thursday last week so I made Bundle a doctor’s appointment for that afternoon. Her cold has been hanging on for a couple of weeks now and I always feel better after getting confirmation that yes, indeed, it is just a cold. And yes, indeed, it is just a cold. But since her cough is so rattling and has been the key feature of said cold for a while now and her daddy has asthma, she came home with her very own personal nebulizer.



I’ve heard all about Mr. b’s visits to the emergency room as a kid. Heck, I’ve even had to take him once! (We left our own engagement party because he couldn’t breathe. Amazing how they don’t make you wait your turn then. Heh.) The nebulizers are so easy and small and portable now.



It really seemed to make a big difference. We had been holding Ronnie in the bathroom with the shower running to try to loosen up the phlegm via steam and that had helped but this was even better.

All weekend I over-thought sleep patterns for both kids. When was Kirk napping, how long, what time did he get up in the morning, when did he finally go to sleep after going to bed? When was Ronnie napping, how long, what time did she get up in the morning, when did she finally go to sleep after repeatedly not going to bed? Again, it didn’t seem to match up with what was happening at daycare. After receiving such fantastic advice, I broached the topic with C on Friday at pick-up but only for Kirk. I told her I was researching why they don’t fall asleep and that I think Kirk needs to be made to get up after 2 hours, even if he was only previously just lounging for the rest of the time listed on his nap chart. I do still think they feed off each other’s restlessness but I admit I was using that as an excuse.

It seemed to go well the first part of this week. Kirk was gone Sunday night, sleeping over with his cousins, and Veronica went to bed very easily and earlier than we’re used to. Then Monday night Kirk was wrecked from sleeping over with his cousins so he went to bed very easily and his sister wasn’t disturbed by his squirming around. But by the end of the week I don’t know that much of anything has changed.

I asked C about Bundle’s naps earlier this week, trying to find out if she’s actually asleep during the times that are listed. So the feedback I’ve been getting has been more specific, stating when she was making noise and when she was quiet. But it still seems long. And this morning C mentioned she didn’t know that Ronnie was sitting up on her own until I had set her down like that the other morning. I find that strange because she will sit up now even from crawling, and not just have to be placed that way. And maybe it’s because we have hardwood floors at home and there’s carpeting at daycare but frankly, I feel like it’s just another indicator that my poor baby isn’t getting very much attention during the day. And *that’s* what freaks me out more than anything.

So for now it seems like Miss V will either not go to bed and then when I finally get her down late, like around 11, she’ll at least sleep through the night. Or else she’ll go down fairly well but then wake up in the midnight-thirty range and come to bed with me the rest of the night. I prefer the former if I have to choose so that’s what I’m going to work on. But at this point, the daycare concerns are enough to make me root for Mr. b quitting his job and staying home with the kids even harder than I already was.

Cascade

Today is the release date for the new Mercurial Rage album on Susstones titled Cascade! It's available at all the finest local indie retailers, on iTunes, Amazon, eMusic and other digital retailers, and of course, direct from The Susstones Shop!

Sandman on Strike

I think my kids sleep too much at daycare. Every day we get the slips recording their activities, what they ate, and when they slept. And every day it shows that Kirk had a 3 hour nap and that Veronica napped for a total of 5 or 6 hours. That just seems ridiculous to me.

Ronnie is a tricky baby to get to sleep at night. She’s been that way almost since the beginning but hey, every kid is different. She is very easy during the day and very difficult at night. At least once a week for the past few months she will quite simply not go to sleep, causing me to give in and take her to bed with me at midnight when I couldn’t take it anymore. I was starting to really worry about it until superbadfriend sent me this link to 31 Ways to get Your Baby to go to Sleep. Sure, most of that is just common sense stuff that we’re already doing. But I needed the reminder and it was good to see some things in writing that related to specific actions of my naughty bundle, like thinking that the snack bar is open all night if she’s in bed with me.

Typically Ronnie will nurse herself to sleep, I’ll put her into her crib, then she’ll wake up an hour or so later, we’ll repeat, and then she’ll stay in her crib for the rest of the night. Or at least until about 5am at which point I don’t have a problem bringing her in bed with me for the remaining hour and a half until my alarm goes off. So the inability to get her to stay asleep, or go back to sleep after the initial pre-bedtime snooze, has been very frustrating. I’ve ascribed countless theories to try to explain it. She’s got a cold right now and a nasty sounding cough and I’m sure that’s affecting things. Mr. b says it’s just a phase. And lord knows having her brother up and rattling around in the bed next to her isn’t doing anything to help.

That’s why I’m starting to wonder if it might be the amount of sleeping during the day. Kirk just will not go to sleep at night either. Sure, he goes to bed with a relative minimum of fuss. But then he stays up for sometimes two or more hours, “reading” books by flashlight or talking to himself or his easily awakened sister. Then in the morning he’ll complain of being “so tired” and I’m sure he really does need the nap at daycare to recover from his late night. And the cycle continues.

At home on the weekends Kirk usually doesn’t nap, though I still enforce Quiet Time if we’re not out and about. If he got up extra early then I’ll make him lay down or if he’s particularly cranky but he’s four and doesn’t necessarily *need* the nap every single day. When he does nap at home, I wake him up if it’s been two hours. That’s his limit; anything longer and he won’t go to bed. So it’s kind of dismaying to see such a long time written on his “report card”. Maybe it’s not actually sleep that entire time. I know that C makes all the kids, regardless of their ages, lay on their cots, so maybe a good portion of that time is resting not sleeping. But I suspect there’s more sleeping than not.

Which brings me back to Bundle. At home on the weekends she’ll usually sleep in with me until around 9 or 10. That’s when she would be waking up from her morning nap at daycare according to the take home slips. And that’s fine. Babies need multiple naps a day. Even though it looks like she goes down for her morning nap sometimes less than a half hour after we drop her off. But what concerns me is that it then looks like she’s up for a measly two hours and then spends the rest of the day napping again. Another four hours. She’ll be up when we pick her up but generally only long enough to have an afternoon bottle. But again, what portion of that time is spent actually napping and what is time laying by herself, alone in her crib in the other room? At home she’ll typically do her afternoon nap on the boob but if I put her in her crib it’s about an hour tops of solid sack time. I’m afraid to ask about it because I don’t know how to bring it up and I don’t want to learn that she’s just a crib baby at daycare. She’s always creeping around on the floor when we pick her up, and in good spirits, but is that because she’s finally getting some attention for the first time since before Noon?

Maybe Mr. b is right and it’s just a phase. For both of them. But it seems like they’re feeding off each other with the no sleep thing at night. I haven’t changed anything about their night time routines. So I feel like daycare is the only logical option left to investigate. But how do I approach it?