Last night Mr. b and I talked about vasectomies. He’s apparently been doing some research about them and is not at all encouraged by what he’s read. He doesn’t want one. And honestly, that’s fine. I don’t mind taking the pill. I’ve been on it for nearly 20 years now. I take iron pills every day anyway so it’s not really any big deal to take two pills at night instead of just one. I told him that if we just keep going like we have been, there’s always a chance of an Oops, though we never had so much as a scare before I was off the pill. But more than that, I warned him that I might want to have another kid at some point in the next 7 or so years.
I’m the oldest of three kids so there’s always going to be something in the back of my head that tells me that’s the “right” number of kids to have. When Ronnie was first born I felt very strongly that I was going to want another one. I’m not sure why but now, not nearly as much. Yet it’s not faded completely so I can’t discount the notion that the nagging could resurface someday. Mr. b was quite appalled by the possibility and just went with the idea that he’ll “say no” and that is that. I don’t know that it would be so simple.
Alongside the experience of being one of three is a more primal, genetic, animal, base desire to propagate the species, ensure the continuation of my line, immortality through my progeny. There’s a collective memory of high infant mortality and the need for more hands to help sustain the subsistence. Is that a real issue? We’re probably not going to actually have an apocalypse in my lifetime, much to Mr. b’s despair. And possibly my time in the field – where I excavated infant remains that were in the trash midden, treated with the respect of being put in a nice jar at least – colors my impression of it more than someone that has only academic knowledge of the changes modern health technology has wrought. I feel quite strongly Kirk would not have survived even a century ago. So all of this adds up to something inside me akin to the Royal saying of “an heir and a spare”.
I don’t know how I would go on if I lost one of my kids. But I especially don’t know how I would go on if I lost both of my kids. So having another one I guess would be insurance of a sick sort. But even understanding my psyche in all of this, do I really want to go through it all again? The pregnancy and the birth and the sleepless nights. I don’t know. But I’m not ready to give up the option.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Monday, February 08, 2010
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Silver Lining
OK, I've just been bitching non-stop of late so now here are some positives. Last night I didn't have a single contraction! Of course I still woke up to pee...but it was nice to not have to deal with any pains before falling back to sleep. In fact, since Monday afternoon I've really been feeling pretty darn good. Nothing at all like late last week or this weekend. That was truly miserable. I have zero clue what changed though. Was it psychological after my check-up? Did it take that long to "recover" from the barometric pressure shift? I know I've been told by women that have gone overdue that they hit a point late in their pregnancy where they stop feeling like hell and just sort of become resigned to their fate or something. Maybe my body went past its own internal due date and that's what happened to me? Honestly, anybody's guess is as good. I got nuthin'.
I do suspect that next week *could* be it since there's another weather system moving in and it's a full moon on the 11th. We'll see. Every day the little girl keeps cooking is a better chance that we'll avoid the Level II nursery this time.
I've also been blessed with the absence of two common pregnancy plagues: swelling and stretch marks. My legs have just the slightest bit of swelling but its really only enough to give me sock marks. I haven't had to deal with my shoes not fitting or my rings getting stuck on my fingers or anything like that. And I continue to be free of stretches on my belly. I escaped them with Kirk, too. Of course that could just be karma since I got plenty of nasty ones on the tops of my thighs when I put on considerable post-college weight thanks to an unexpected metabolism change. But I'll take it!
I do suspect that next week *could* be it since there's another weather system moving in and it's a full moon on the 11th. We'll see. Every day the little girl keeps cooking is a better chance that we'll avoid the Level II nursery this time.
I've also been blessed with the absence of two common pregnancy plagues: swelling and stretch marks. My legs have just the slightest bit of swelling but its really only enough to give me sock marks. I haven't had to deal with my shoes not fitting or my rings getting stuck on my fingers or anything like that. And I continue to be free of stretches on my belly. I escaped them with Kirk, too. Of course that could just be karma since I got plenty of nasty ones on the tops of my thighs when I put on considerable post-college weight thanks to an unexpected metabolism change. But I'll take it!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Timing
Thursday night Mr. b asked me if he thought I was going to make it through the weekend. I replied, "I honestly don't know."
We got a rather decent sized snow storm on Thursday afternoon. All evening I felt just shitty. Extra contraction-y and lethargic and weird. I figured it must be due to the barometric pressure change. I know a full moon can trigger labor so it made sense that the air pressure would, too. And then it would fit in with family mythology perfectly: when I was little I would ask "why" and "how come" questions of my uncle unendingly. Legend has it that one day he got sick of actually explaining things and exasperatedly responded, "It's the air pressure, [belsum]!" My parents have never let me live that down.
Yesterday morning I felt fine so it really seemed that it was, indeed, the air pressure.
But last night it started in again. Early evening and into the night the contractions started up. I wasn't timing them or anything but there was certainly a repetitive feeling. Almost a rhythm. They're lasting longer, though they still don't truly hurt. Very uncomfortable, yes. Obviously my body is preparing for birth. If I make it to my next appointment Monday morning I'm betting I'll have dilated considerably more. However, my new theory is gravity. Because I've been feeling this way late in the day I have to wonder if it's just because I've been upright all day. I've been joking that I don't need to be on bedrest because I just work at a computer. But I honestly felt a lot better last night once I stretched out on the couch.
And this morning I feel fine.
Other similarities that I'm going to keep my eye on include serious hunger in the evening, craving for protein (especially red meat), and insomnia for an hour from about 3:30am to 4:30am.
I wonder how long this pattern can keep up?
We got a rather decent sized snow storm on Thursday afternoon. All evening I felt just shitty. Extra contraction-y and lethargic and weird. I figured it must be due to the barometric pressure change. I know a full moon can trigger labor so it made sense that the air pressure would, too. And then it would fit in with family mythology perfectly: when I was little I would ask "why" and "how come" questions of my uncle unendingly. Legend has it that one day he got sick of actually explaining things and exasperatedly responded, "It's the air pressure, [belsum]!" My parents have never let me live that down.
Yesterday morning I felt fine so it really seemed that it was, indeed, the air pressure.
But last night it started in again. Early evening and into the night the contractions started up. I wasn't timing them or anything but there was certainly a repetitive feeling. Almost a rhythm. They're lasting longer, though they still don't truly hurt. Very uncomfortable, yes. Obviously my body is preparing for birth. If I make it to my next appointment Monday morning I'm betting I'll have dilated considerably more. However, my new theory is gravity. Because I've been feeling this way late in the day I have to wonder if it's just because I've been upright all day. I've been joking that I don't need to be on bedrest because I just work at a computer. But I honestly felt a lot better last night once I stretched out on the couch.
And this morning I feel fine.
Other similarities that I'm going to keep my eye on include serious hunger in the evening, craving for protein (especially red meat), and insomnia for an hour from about 3:30am to 4:30am.
I wonder how long this pattern can keep up?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Nesting
I’ve never understood the concept of nesting as an early indicator of labor readiness. I mean, isn’t the very point of being knocked up that you need to make your home welcome for the new arrival? That you’re going to have to clean and organize and just generally prepare for another human to share your space?
I have been doing some strange cleaning projects of late, however. But they’re once-every-year-or-longer things that have been bothering me for a while. I’ve been slowly wiping down all the tile on the bathroom walls. It’s never been done more than on an as-needed basis and it was driving me nuts. I took down the living room curtains and washed them last night. They were accumulating cat hair thanks to the stupid billis parting them to look out the windows. Since I was going to wash the bassinet cover anyway it seemed like a good time to do those as well.
Mr. b might be the one that’s done something more traditionally considered “nesting”. He embarked on a reorg of the basement! He claims it was merely a “good enough” cleaning but it’s amazing what a difference it has made. It always feels like there’s so much more livable space when you clear out the clutter and the dried up old stealth cat pukes that we never discovered.
I have, however, been feeling crafty. I finally completed Kirk’s requested Boppy pillow case using the remains of the Incredibles fleece he picked out around Halloween. I want to get back to the embroidery project I started a couple of months ago. And add some more to the rag rug in the kitchen. I also need to get started on the tomato hat I wanted to crochet for the girl. (Full disclosure: I bought the yarn when I was pregnant with Kirk and never made it then either so don’t hold your breath…)
I have been doing some strange cleaning projects of late, however. But they’re once-every-year-or-longer things that have been bothering me for a while. I’ve been slowly wiping down all the tile on the bathroom walls. It’s never been done more than on an as-needed basis and it was driving me nuts. I took down the living room curtains and washed them last night. They were accumulating cat hair thanks to the stupid billis parting them to look out the windows. Since I was going to wash the bassinet cover anyway it seemed like a good time to do those as well.
Mr. b might be the one that’s done something more traditionally considered “nesting”. He embarked on a reorg of the basement! He claims it was merely a “good enough” cleaning but it’s amazing what a difference it has made. It always feels like there’s so much more livable space when you clear out the clutter and the dried up old stealth cat pukes that we never discovered.
I have, however, been feeling crafty. I finally completed Kirk’s requested Boppy pillow case using the remains of the Incredibles fleece he picked out around Halloween. I want to get back to the embroidery project I started a couple of months ago. And add some more to the rag rug in the kitchen. I also need to get started on the tomato hat I wanted to crochet for the girl. (Full disclosure: I bought the yarn when I was pregnant with Kirk and never made it then either so don’t hold your breath…)
Friday, February 20, 2009
The End is Nigh?
Yesterday morning was my latest ob check-up. I’m at 34 and a half weeks and am already 2cm dilated. Now, New Doc made sure to mention that it’s really quite common for a non-first timer to be that dilated already but he’s also finally fully onboard the this-baby’s-comin’-early train. That’s the whole reason he did the internal exam in the first place. After talking through all the usual stuff (weight gain 1 pound, belly measures 35cm, baby heartbeat normal, blah blah blah) he decided that we’d better go ahead and do the Strep B test. I never had it last time so it was all new to me. Hell, I’ve never had my cervix checked when I wasn’t in labor so that was a new one, too!
New Doc explained how they measure the centimeters by the size of their finger tips. That actually made sense to me. When I used to work in the field we all knew the length of our stride so we could easily count off the correct number of paces for 10 meters. You just need that initial baseline and then go with it. But what freaked me out a little was when he said that he could actually feel the head through my cervix. Whoa. So does that mean she’s dropped? Not sure the actual definition of “dropping”. My hips are sore pretty much all the time so obviously my pelvis is spreading. I can feel a strange sort of pressure on my labia that must be from everything above starting to come downward. I didn’t pay much attention to these kinds of details last time because, well, I wasn’t expecting to have a baby a month ahead of schedule!
Upon New Doc’s request, I actually rescheduled my next appointment for earlier in the week. Since Sunday is my day for the week count to reset, having the 36 week one on Thursday would put me at 36 weeks and 4 days. Well, I had Kirk at 36 weeks and 5 days. So. Now it’s set for Monday instead. We’ll see if I actually make it or not. Ideally it would be good to make it over that 37 week line but I’m finding that less and less likely.
The Braxton Hicks have started to come more frequently. They used to be at night only and now show up whenever the hell they feel like it. There’s no pattern still but the intensity has certainly increased. It’s often a much sharper feeling, verging just on the edge of pain, instead of the general sort of squeezing tightness they’ve been causing previously. And sometimes they definitely last longer than just for a brief moment. On top of that, my first trimester constipation issues have returned with a vengeance. Only now that I know I’m already dilated, I’m sort of paranoid that pushing out a turd will be bad for the baby! Plus the poo cramps mix in with the BH and make my entire abdominal region just a festive mélange of uncomfortable annoyances. Oh and the back aches. Let’s not forget those. General pregnancy posture issues? Precursor to back labor? Who knows. But I totally have old man back and I grunt and sigh when standing. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Mr. b’s workmates have started a baby pool. I’ve been trying to make sure all my work items are squared away. What I really need to do is buy some frickin’ Dreft and wash the few non-spit-up stained, non-gender specific items I pulled out of Kirk’s old bin and the adorable prezzies sent by last year’s Best Original Screenplay Academy Award Winner so they’re ready to go. Everything else we’ll figure out as it’s needed.
New Doc explained how they measure the centimeters by the size of their finger tips. That actually made sense to me. When I used to work in the field we all knew the length of our stride so we could easily count off the correct number of paces for 10 meters. You just need that initial baseline and then go with it. But what freaked me out a little was when he said that he could actually feel the head through my cervix. Whoa. So does that mean she’s dropped? Not sure the actual definition of “dropping”. My hips are sore pretty much all the time so obviously my pelvis is spreading. I can feel a strange sort of pressure on my labia that must be from everything above starting to come downward. I didn’t pay much attention to these kinds of details last time because, well, I wasn’t expecting to have a baby a month ahead of schedule!
Upon New Doc’s request, I actually rescheduled my next appointment for earlier in the week. Since Sunday is my day for the week count to reset, having the 36 week one on Thursday would put me at 36 weeks and 4 days. Well, I had Kirk at 36 weeks and 5 days. So. Now it’s set for Monday instead. We’ll see if I actually make it or not. Ideally it would be good to make it over that 37 week line but I’m finding that less and less likely.
The Braxton Hicks have started to come more frequently. They used to be at night only and now show up whenever the hell they feel like it. There’s no pattern still but the intensity has certainly increased. It’s often a much sharper feeling, verging just on the edge of pain, instead of the general sort of squeezing tightness they’ve been causing previously. And sometimes they definitely last longer than just for a brief moment. On top of that, my first trimester constipation issues have returned with a vengeance. Only now that I know I’m already dilated, I’m sort of paranoid that pushing out a turd will be bad for the baby! Plus the poo cramps mix in with the BH and make my entire abdominal region just a festive mélange of uncomfortable annoyances. Oh and the back aches. Let’s not forget those. General pregnancy posture issues? Precursor to back labor? Who knows. But I totally have old man back and I grunt and sigh when standing. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Mr. b’s workmates have started a baby pool. I’ve been trying to make sure all my work items are squared away. What I really need to do is buy some frickin’ Dreft and wash the few non-spit-up stained, non-gender specific items I pulled out of Kirk’s old bin and the adorable prezzies sent by last year’s Best Original Screenplay Academy Award Winner so they’re ready to go. Everything else we’ll figure out as it’s needed.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Preoccupied Planning
Nothing much to report after my ob appointment on Thursday morning. I gained another 2 pounds, which brings my cumulative total so far up to 10. The ultimate total will of course depend upon how early this girl arrives. I remain about 2 cm bigger than my gestational weeks. Because Kirk was so early and I told New Doc I’m expecting something similar to happen this time around, he decided to move my Strep B test up. Now I’ll be having it at my next appointment, instead of waiting for the one at 36 weeks which is a bit more typical. We also briefly discussed pain management options. I still don’t like the idea of an epidural and since I was fine with just Nubain added to my IV last time I figure we’ll simply wait and see how it goes. Birth plans are a load of hooey anyways; it’s not like the kid cares what you’re planning!
Basically all my time is now being spent freaking out about daycare and preschool. I have no idea what I’m going to do with either kid. All the places I’ve talked to so far that have both programs are way too expensive. Hell, even just preschool for Kirk is turning out to be close to twice what I’m currently paying for daycare for him. I wish we didn’t have to do dual drop-off but that’s looking increasingly unlikely. Kirk is really just plain ready for preschool but since his best friend is K’s son it’s not like he’d be upset to stay there or anything. Frankly it looks like we’re getting to the point where it *almost* makes better sense for one of us to stay home. Almost. Because even with the savings in child care we’d still need that extra couple hundred. Right now Mr. b is actually able to earn overtime, which is unheard of in the current state of the economy, so we can’t ignore that opportunity. And all our benefits are through me so I can’t be the one home either. Still researching options but my sense of optimism is dwindling fast.
Make eye appointment for Kirk
Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk
Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants
Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy
Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital
Make 32, 34, and 36 week ob appointments
Make Kindergarten pre-screening appointment for Kirk
Register for baby stuff
Write letter to Grandma
Figure out SSN/Name issue with IRS
Research life insurance options
Defer student loans
Basically all my time is now being spent freaking out about daycare and preschool. I have no idea what I’m going to do with either kid. All the places I’ve talked to so far that have both programs are way too expensive. Hell, even just preschool for Kirk is turning out to be close to twice what I’m currently paying for daycare for him. I wish we didn’t have to do dual drop-off but that’s looking increasingly unlikely. Kirk is really just plain ready for preschool but since his best friend is K’s son it’s not like he’d be upset to stay there or anything. Frankly it looks like we’re getting to the point where it *almost* makes better sense for one of us to stay home. Almost. Because even with the savings in child care we’d still need that extra couple hundred. Right now Mr. b is actually able to earn overtime, which is unheard of in the current state of the economy, so we can’t ignore that opportunity. And all our benefits are through me so I can’t be the one home either. Still researching options but my sense of optimism is dwindling fast.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Temporal Mechanics
Two nights in a row now I've had beginning-of-labor dreams. They're nothing particularly special, in the first my water broke and in both I knew that the, ahem, butt issues were yet another classic symptom. I was very conscious of the fact that this was It, though I wasn't actually experiencing contractions in the dreams. Of course after I woke up from the first one I was then kept awake by more Braxton Hicks. Figures.
This goes along with my increasing suspicion that I'm going to be going early again. I don't have anything to base this on other than crazy mama psychic vibes. New Doctor and I were joking at my make-up appointment Thursday morning (Tuesday afternoon got canceled due to him having to deliver a baby) that there's not exactly a lot of sample data yet. We'll know better after this one if that's a common thing for me or not. Heh.
My weight gain went back to my more usual 2 pounds per month so I was pleased to hear that. So far no return of the weird armpit bumps that have come and gone throughout this entire pregnancy. And the doctor figured that the weak spells I was experiencing were more likely blood sugar related, though he didn't rule out blood pressure as apparently that can drop due to the increased body area that needs to be supplied (ie my big belly) or possibly even simple dehydration when amniotic fluid is being produced.
However, he also then measured my belly. All through this pregnancy I've been right on the money for the magic centimeters to gestation comparison. I was at 30 weeks but 32 cm. I seem to remember something similar with Kirk, though I can't recall exactly when my belly moved ahead. Now, New Doc confirmed that the measurements can vary 2 cm either side of the week you're on but since I've always been exact, that stood out to me. We shall see. Like I said, I've got nothing solid to base this on other than a gut feeling. Lord knows I don't need to have a premie. But I'm also trying to step up the remaining preparations I wanted to deal with. I found the bin of Kirk's earliest, babiest clothes and I'm going to pull out whatever looks non-gender specific for starters.
Make eye appointment for Kirk
Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk
Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants
Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy
Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital
Make 32, 34, and 36 week ob appointments
Make Kindergarten pre-screening appointment for Kirk
Register for baby crap (We're constantly being asked by out-of-state friends, relatives, and people that didn't know us when we had Kirk if there's anything we need)
This goes along with my increasing suspicion that I'm going to be going early again. I don't have anything to base this on other than crazy mama psychic vibes. New Doctor and I were joking at my make-up appointment Thursday morning (Tuesday afternoon got canceled due to him having to deliver a baby) that there's not exactly a lot of sample data yet. We'll know better after this one if that's a common thing for me or not. Heh.
My weight gain went back to my more usual 2 pounds per month so I was pleased to hear that. So far no return of the weird armpit bumps that have come and gone throughout this entire pregnancy. And the doctor figured that the weak spells I was experiencing were more likely blood sugar related, though he didn't rule out blood pressure as apparently that can drop due to the increased body area that needs to be supplied (ie my big belly) or possibly even simple dehydration when amniotic fluid is being produced.
However, he also then measured my belly. All through this pregnancy I've been right on the money for the magic centimeters to gestation comparison. I was at 30 weeks but 32 cm. I seem to remember something similar with Kirk, though I can't recall exactly when my belly moved ahead. Now, New Doc confirmed that the measurements can vary 2 cm either side of the week you're on but since I've always been exact, that stood out to me. We shall see. Like I said, I've got nothing solid to base this on other than a gut feeling. Lord knows I don't need to have a premie. But I'm also trying to step up the remaining preparations I wanted to deal with. I found the bin of Kirk's earliest, babiest clothes and I'm going to pull out whatever looks non-gender specific for starters.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Belly of the Beast
So this morning I couldn’t get out of the car. I literally couldn’t fit. Now, the spaces in that section of the ramp are incredibly tight and the car on the right was over the line but still. I couldn’t manage to squeeze out. Mr. b had to climb back in to the car, back it up, let me get out, and then re-park. Theoretically there’s enough room for me to get in when I leave for my doctor’s appointment this afternoon. But still. That was a helluva thing.
I’ve definitely moved past the point where fetal movements are charming and only occasionally annoying. They now are nearly always uncomfortable, if not downright hurty. But one good thing is that the girl hasn’t had the hiccups. I remember that was a pretty frequent occurrence for Kirk. However, after taking some time off, the Braxton Hicks returned in the wee hours this morning, keeping me awake.
We’ve also gotten to the point where sex is becoming extremely complicated. I just can’t figure out what tricks we learned last time. Or else maybe they don’t work this time? Of course then we didn’t have to also contend with shouts of “I’ve gotta go poop!” from down the hall to thoroughly break the mood.
I’ve noticed that when I change my weight between sitting and standing or get up from laying down that I suddenly feel like I have to pee. So there’s definite pressure happening on the ol’ bladder. And my stomach continues to be squeezed into a tinier space, making me fuller quicker but then ready to snack soon afterwards. That’s got to be why I put on 6 pounds last time.
I’m sort of shocked to realize that there’s really only about 2 months left. That’s gonna go faster than we notice. I’ll be switching to every-two-weeks for appointments after today. Hopefully my weight gain is in check. I’ve only been to the gym once in the past 3 weeks. I still have so many Responsible Adult things to get done before the baby comes. And if she decides to be nearly a month early like her brother, well, then I’m fraked.
Make eye appointment for Kirk (My dad always starts a list with something that’s already done.)
Make interview appointment for preschool for Kirk
Research daycare options if same location won’t also take infants
Talk to HR about maternity leave bureaucracy
Fill out and mail pre-admission form for hospital
I’ve definitely moved past the point where fetal movements are charming and only occasionally annoying. They now are nearly always uncomfortable, if not downright hurty. But one good thing is that the girl hasn’t had the hiccups. I remember that was a pretty frequent occurrence for Kirk. However, after taking some time off, the Braxton Hicks returned in the wee hours this morning, keeping me awake.
We’ve also gotten to the point where sex is becoming extremely complicated. I just can’t figure out what tricks we learned last time. Or else maybe they don’t work this time? Of course then we didn’t have to also contend with shouts of “I’ve gotta go poop!” from down the hall to thoroughly break the mood.
I’ve noticed that when I change my weight between sitting and standing or get up from laying down that I suddenly feel like I have to pee. So there’s definite pressure happening on the ol’ bladder. And my stomach continues to be squeezed into a tinier space, making me fuller quicker but then ready to snack soon afterwards. That’s got to be why I put on 6 pounds last time.
I’m sort of shocked to realize that there’s really only about 2 months left. That’s gonna go faster than we notice. I’ll be switching to every-two-weeks for appointments after today. Hopefully my weight gain is in check. I’ve only been to the gym once in the past 3 weeks. I still have so many Responsible Adult things to get done before the baby comes. And if she decides to be nearly a month early like her brother, well, then I’m fraked.
Friday, January 09, 2009
Jumble
It’s time for another catch-all post. I keep a mental list of topics I want to write about but then the day gets away from me and I don’t have time to write at home and suddenly it seems out of date and a full dissertation no longer makes sense to me.
Mr. b has Kirk convinced that his sister is going to be named “Strawberry”. You know, Strawberry Hill. Like the Boone’s Farm flavor.
As I was trying to fall asleep the other night it suddenly felt strangely cool at the front of my shirt. I looked down and my boob was leaking! Isn’t it still a bit early for milk action?
I think Kirk is officially done with naps. He’s definitely been transitioning out of them for a while but now it’s just not even worth fighting to get him to lay down. He has quiet time at daycare and we’re trying to continue that at home on the weekends (when I, however, still take naps). I guess I knew this was coming but it definitely seems early to me. I can remember having nap time at preschool. But I can also remember not actually *sleeping* during nap time in preschool… Now we just need to figure out how to adjust his bedtime to account for the lack of naps.
I think I’m starting to have light Braxton Hicks. I guess this would be the right timing since I’m into the third trimester. I can’t remember when they began last time. I don’t really notice except for when I’m laying down at night. Then the front of my stomach will seem really tense for a little while before relaxing. They don’t hurt at all, which is why it could also just be baby pressure on one side and pillow pressure on the other.
Mr. b has Kirk convinced that his sister is going to be named “Strawberry”. You know, Strawberry Hill. Like the Boone’s Farm flavor.
As I was trying to fall asleep the other night it suddenly felt strangely cool at the front of my shirt. I looked down and my boob was leaking! Isn’t it still a bit early for milk action?
I think Kirk is officially done with naps. He’s definitely been transitioning out of them for a while but now it’s just not even worth fighting to get him to lay down. He has quiet time at daycare and we’re trying to continue that at home on the weekends (when I, however, still take naps). I guess I knew this was coming but it definitely seems early to me. I can remember having nap time at preschool. But I can also remember not actually *sleeping* during nap time in preschool… Now we just need to figure out how to adjust his bedtime to account for the lack of naps.
I think I’m starting to have light Braxton Hicks. I guess this would be the right timing since I’m into the third trimester. I can’t remember when they began last time. I don’t really notice except for when I’m laying down at night. Then the front of my stomach will seem really tense for a little while before relaxing. They don’t hurt at all, which is why it could also just be baby pressure on one side and pillow pressure on the other.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
25 Weeks 6 Days
I had my doctor visit and glucose test yesterday. This time it was fruit punch flavor. The thing about that stuff is...it doesn't start out tasting so bad. And it's only 10 ounces. But you have to drink the whole thing in 5 minutes or less and frankly about halfway through it starts to just be Too Much. Hopefully the fact that I had just had pizza at my holiday lunch at work won't skew my results any. I definitely felt myself crashing once the sugar rush wore off later in the afternoon.
Weight-wise I've shot up 6 pounds since last month. That took me by surprise, though it really shouldn't have. My clothes have been noticeably tighter, even some of the maternity stuff I had saved from before. And I've been eating more. Many of the taste issues I've been having this pregnancy have suddenly lessened. And holy cow those savory breakfasts I've been favoring sure have a way higher calorie count. Plus my salt tooth has come back, though my sweet tooth is still going strong. So basically now I'm having twice the evening snacks since I'll have some chips or popcorn or something first and then move on to the candy or ice cream or cookies. Bad, bad, bad. I need to dial it back.
But hey, at least we have a working oven again! Mr. b found one on Craigslist earlier this week for the cost of the part to fix the old one. So he and my dad went to pick it up this morning and now it's in and I guess I should decide if I need to do any holiday baking or not. Certainly I don't need more sweets around the house. But I wouldn't mind bringing in something to share at work or at least bringing something to my sister's house for Christmas Day dinner.
Weight-wise I've shot up 6 pounds since last month. That took me by surprise, though it really shouldn't have. My clothes have been noticeably tighter, even some of the maternity stuff I had saved from before. And I've been eating more. Many of the taste issues I've been having this pregnancy have suddenly lessened. And holy cow those savory breakfasts I've been favoring sure have a way higher calorie count. Plus my salt tooth has come back, though my sweet tooth is still going strong. So basically now I'm having twice the evening snacks since I'll have some chips or popcorn or something first and then move on to the candy or ice cream or cookies. Bad, bad, bad. I need to dial it back.
But hey, at least we have a working oven again! Mr. b found one on Craigslist earlier this week for the cost of the part to fix the old one. So he and my dad went to pick it up this morning and now it's in and I guess I should decide if I need to do any holiday baking or not. Certainly I don't need more sweets around the house. But I wouldn't mind bringing in something to share at work or at least bringing something to my sister's house for Christmas Day dinner.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Fa La La La La
Being pregnant during choir season has been a considerably different experience this time than last. In 2004 I had only just found out I was knocked up and by the time we finished our holiday concerts I was still in the first trimester. Sure, the ladies all fussed over me and I didn’t feel 100% the whole time but it was relatively easy to get through.
I didn’t notice how much more difficult it has been this year during our three months of rehearsals. We sit down at practice. We go over trouble spots and have announcements and there’s fuckery between songs and it’s just not that intensive. Being in a concert? You’re standing and singing, nonstop, for an hour. I was fine during our charity concert two weekends ago because that’s a total of 7 songs, broken into two sets. I was mostly OK during the concert at my corporate campus last week but I definitely felt a bit woozy by the end. And then of course I missed the next one when I was recovering from being violently ill.
Monday was when our official, downtown-at-the-big-location shows started. And it was tough to make it to the end. I powered through and was relieved when we were done. I lip-synched through quite a few of the high and sustained spots but still made it. Yesterday? I had to sit down. I just crouched down on the risers and sat during an entire song, figuring that would be good enough. I couldn’t even finish the very next song, even with lip-synching. I left the risers and sat behind the group for the remaining 10 or 15 minutes. It wasn’t just weakness, though I definitely felt like I was going to pass out. I think it was a number of factors. I was hungry (our shows start at Noon). I was tired. It was frickin’ hot as hell in there. My choir clothes are ill-fitting because I don’t have any suitable maternity substitutes. But mostly I think it was the breathing. Being pregnant means you have reduced lung capacity. Physically your lungs are squished up and you can’t take in as much oxygen as you normally would. Before singing, most people start yawning as an unconscious way to sort of “fill up” on oxygen. I was trying to suppress yawns in the middle of the songs, especially when I was lip-synching. Essentially, it’s an hour of rhythmic hyperventilation.
And on top of that, I started getting foot cramps. Both feet, in the arches, at the same time. The entire time I was sitting down, trying to catch my breath and recuperate, I was fighting off foot cramps. I suppose I could have dealt with one thing or the other but not both issues at the same time. I vaguely remember hearing about the cramping being a preggo thing. I’ve gotten them off and on my entire life (thanks dance!) but I can rub or stretch them out. That didn’t work yesterday. Tenacious little pains they were. So now I’m getting ready to head downtown for our last concert of the season and I’m totally paranoid. I guess I’ll stand on the edge of the risers so if I need to make a quick getaway it won’t be as disruptive. But frankly I’m kind freaked out about the whole thing.
I didn’t notice how much more difficult it has been this year during our three months of rehearsals. We sit down at practice. We go over trouble spots and have announcements and there’s fuckery between songs and it’s just not that intensive. Being in a concert? You’re standing and singing, nonstop, for an hour. I was fine during our charity concert two weekends ago because that’s a total of 7 songs, broken into two sets. I was mostly OK during the concert at my corporate campus last week but I definitely felt a bit woozy by the end. And then of course I missed the next one when I was recovering from being violently ill.
Monday was when our official, downtown-at-the-big-location shows started. And it was tough to make it to the end. I powered through and was relieved when we were done. I lip-synched through quite a few of the high and sustained spots but still made it. Yesterday? I had to sit down. I just crouched down on the risers and sat during an entire song, figuring that would be good enough. I couldn’t even finish the very next song, even with lip-synching. I left the risers and sat behind the group for the remaining 10 or 15 minutes. It wasn’t just weakness, though I definitely felt like I was going to pass out. I think it was a number of factors. I was hungry (our shows start at Noon). I was tired. It was frickin’ hot as hell in there. My choir clothes are ill-fitting because I don’t have any suitable maternity substitutes. But mostly I think it was the breathing. Being pregnant means you have reduced lung capacity. Physically your lungs are squished up and you can’t take in as much oxygen as you normally would. Before singing, most people start yawning as an unconscious way to sort of “fill up” on oxygen. I was trying to suppress yawns in the middle of the songs, especially when I was lip-synching. Essentially, it’s an hour of rhythmic hyperventilation.
And on top of that, I started getting foot cramps. Both feet, in the arches, at the same time. The entire time I was sitting down, trying to catch my breath and recuperate, I was fighting off foot cramps. I suppose I could have dealt with one thing or the other but not both issues at the same time. I vaguely remember hearing about the cramping being a preggo thing. I’ve gotten them off and on my entire life (thanks dance!) but I can rub or stretch them out. That didn’t work yesterday. Tenacious little pains they were. So now I’m getting ready to head downtown for our last concert of the season and I’m totally paranoid. I guess I’ll stand on the edge of the risers so if I need to make a quick getaway it won’t be as disruptive. But frankly I’m kind freaked out about the whole thing.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night I got up with Kirk at around 2:40. That's pretty common. He frequently ends up with a wet bed because those damn pull-ups just seem to leak all the time. The problem this time? I couldn't fall back to sleep. And it wasn't regular insomnia. I started having nasty cramps.
My first thought, of course, was to freak out about the baby. How many weeks am I? I can never remember. It's somewhere around 24 I think. Definitely not far enough for a premature birth. But then the nature of the cramping didn't fit with the actual early labor pains that I experienced last time. This was more violent. Could it be food poisoning? I had been out to dinner with some girlfriends earlier that night. Still, it wasn't until the puking started that I finally eradicated the notion of it being gestationally related.
Two and a half hours later I was finally able to head back to bed. The chills and the hot flashes and the issues at both ends all made me wonder the whole time if this was somehow bad for the baby. The little girl, however, was extremely active during the entire ordeal. That was a comfort, if you can call anything comforting while going through that. I guess she thought it was a party in my tummy.
My first thought, of course, was to freak out about the baby. How many weeks am I? I can never remember. It's somewhere around 24 I think. Definitely not far enough for a premature birth. But then the nature of the cramping didn't fit with the actual early labor pains that I experienced last time. This was more violent. Could it be food poisoning? I had been out to dinner with some girlfriends earlier that night. Still, it wasn't until the puking started that I finally eradicated the notion of it being gestationally related.
Two and a half hours later I was finally able to head back to bed. The chills and the hot flashes and the issues at both ends all made me wonder the whole time if this was somehow bad for the baby. The little girl, however, was extremely active during the entire ordeal. That was a comfort, if you can call anything comforting while going through that. I guess she thought it was a party in my tummy.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Breaking Fast
Just when I think I've got this whole breakfast thing finally figured out...it seems like my tastes are changing yet again. It made a certain amount of sense that I was wanting a protein infusion in the morning to get me started and then carbs late in the day to fuel the overnight baby factory shift. Lords knows the squirminess is at disco proportions in the evenings. And dairy in general has given me heartburn so it also makes sense that I'd be avoiding that. A couple people have suggested protein shakes instead of eggs and that just sounds revolting. I'm not even having yogurt as second breakfast anymore and I've done that for years and years. Frankly, most of my calcium is coming from late night ice cream and Rolaids!
So now that I've adjusted and have been trying all the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls and other savory quick meal options, cereal is starting to sound attractive again. I still haven't been brave enough to try a bowl before going to work in the morning. None of the cold cereals I have in the cupboard sound tasty to me. And I haven't even been buying myself skim milk lately because it's not like I'd be drinking it. But hot, whole grain cereals have been calling to me on the weekends again. I had a bowl of oatmeal this morning with Kirk's 2%. I haven't yet figured out how to interpret that.
The strangest craving that I'm dealing with this pregnancy is candy. I don't mean chocolate. I don't even mean cookies or cake or sweet-tooth stuff in general. I mean candy. Skittles and Starbursts and Dots and gummy bears and that kind of thing. Can't get enough of it. I usually manage to resist all day and then end up eating a bunch at night an hour before going to bed. Which can't possibly be good for either being currently inhabiting this body. And yet, I can't stop it. It's so weird. Objectively, I'm kinda freaked out by this behavior. I'm normally a salty snacks gal. This is just plain odd. But yummy!
So now that I've adjusted and have been trying all the Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowls and other savory quick meal options, cereal is starting to sound attractive again. I still haven't been brave enough to try a bowl before going to work in the morning. None of the cold cereals I have in the cupboard sound tasty to me. And I haven't even been buying myself skim milk lately because it's not like I'd be drinking it. But hot, whole grain cereals have been calling to me on the weekends again. I had a bowl of oatmeal this morning with Kirk's 2%. I haven't yet figured out how to interpret that.
The strangest craving that I'm dealing with this pregnancy is candy. I don't mean chocolate. I don't even mean cookies or cake or sweet-tooth stuff in general. I mean candy. Skittles and Starbursts and Dots and gummy bears and that kind of thing. Can't get enough of it. I usually manage to resist all day and then end up eating a bunch at night an hour before going to bed. Which can't possibly be good for either being currently inhabiting this body. And yet, I can't stop it. It's so weird. Objectively, I'm kinda freaked out by this behavior. I'm normally a salty snacks gal. This is just plain odd. But yummy!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Pre-Turkey Round-Up
Yesterday I had another ob check-up. I'm glad for how quick and easy they always are. Get weighed (gained another pound so that plus 2 last month puts me back at my "starting weight" which, granted, was at least 10 and closer to 20 pounds more than it ought to have been), check blood pressure, wait for New Doc. Then when he comes in it's up on the table to measure my belly, listen to the heartbeat, and that's it really. I rarely have any questions. He rarely has anything to ask me about. Next month, however, is the glucose tolerance test. Bleh.
I realized tonight while rinsing out the shower that my normal high levels of natural shedding have seriously been curtailed. I don't remember it dropping off like this when I was preggers with Kirk. But I also didn't have the massive chemo levels of hair loss postpartum either. Should be interesting to see if that happens this time.
Tomorrow we drive south to Springfield, MO, for Thanksgiving feasting. It'll be the first long drive we've taken since Kirk's been in underpants. I'm not really sure what to expect. I've pulled out spare pants to keep in the car just in case but he's really been accident-free for quite some time now. He's even been having dry naps for the past week or so. Overnight is another matter entirely but I don't count that. Except for the pooping thing. He continues to eschew the potty for poops. He's regular and goes every night: in his overnight diaper after he's been put to bed. We've been trying to at least convince him he needs to let us know so we can then change his diaper. He's had a poo-burned butt far too frequently of late from sleeping in his own crap. Gross. How can he stand that?
I'm bored of my paltry selection of maternity shirts already. I still have some to pull out that were obviously for when I'm further along but I think I might start in on them sooner, just for variety. Otherwise, I'm going to have to do some shopping.
I realized tonight while rinsing out the shower that my normal high levels of natural shedding have seriously been curtailed. I don't remember it dropping off like this when I was preggers with Kirk. But I also didn't have the massive chemo levels of hair loss postpartum either. Should be interesting to see if that happens this time.
Tomorrow we drive south to Springfield, MO, for Thanksgiving feasting. It'll be the first long drive we've taken since Kirk's been in underpants. I'm not really sure what to expect. I've pulled out spare pants to keep in the car just in case but he's really been accident-free for quite some time now. He's even been having dry naps for the past week or so. Overnight is another matter entirely but I don't count that. Except for the pooping thing. He continues to eschew the potty for poops. He's regular and goes every night: in his overnight diaper after he's been put to bed. We've been trying to at least convince him he needs to let us know so we can then change his diaper. He's had a poo-burned butt far too frequently of late from sleeping in his own crap. Gross. How can he stand that?
I'm bored of my paltry selection of maternity shirts already. I still have some to pull out that were obviously for when I'm further along but I think I might start in on them sooner, just for variety. Otherwise, I'm going to have to do some shopping.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Abdominal Adjustments
I think I’m crossing some sort of belly line. I’ve definitely felt in transition or in flux for the past couple of weeks. There were times when I thought that my stomach was just unmistakable and yet other times where it was easily camouflaged by my clothing. I would look hugely pregnant to myself from the vantage of looking straight down upon my own roundness but in profile it wasn’t always obvious. And sometimes I would find myself sitting for a while and didn’t actually feel like I had a pregnant belly. It felt normal, except for the movement inside to remind me of reality.
Something subtle has changed though. Just this week my pants are finally starting to show signs of being tighter. Sure, most of them are still my regular pants but I no longer need to wear my belt on the last notch. No belt is fine. Jeans are no longer possible. I wore a pair last Friday and was so uncomfortable all day. I have a vague memory of needing maternity jeans before other maternity bottoms last time around so it must be something to do with denim. I’m wearing maternity jeans right now – just the kind with the elastic waistband, I hate the belly panel ones – and it’s a definite improvement. I’m also getting good use out of the clothes I bought for returning to work after maternity leave. Pants and suit jackets that were so big I should have had them taken in and tailored after loosing weight but was too lazy are now starting to fit quite nicely. So hey, more use out of that forgotten corner of my wardrobe!
My belly is just plain *feeling* bigger now, too. I’m starting to feel the pull of gravity. I can make a noticeable difference simply by holding my stomach up, whether I’m sitting or standing. I don’t think my posture has changed much, yet I’m definitely feeling joint aches that would go along with my center shifting to adjust for this new front load. I am still able to sleep on my front, well maybe 7/8 on my front, but that’s still better than nothing and I know it won’t last. I suppose this is all just natural as I move closer to the end of the second trimester.
It is a little ridiculous that I’m already having trouble reaching my feet. Since this is a winter pregnancy, I’m not going to be able to get away with simply sliding into some sandals. Pulling on boots is increasingly tough. And when stretching at the gym I have to physically move my stomach out of the way when I bend over and it smooshes against my leg.
It’s also strange to use the phrase “my eyes are bigger than my stomach”. But the reduced eating capacity is continuing along unabated. I’m saddened to know that I physically won’t be able to pig out at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. But since pork and poultry are the two proteins I’ve been craving most frequently, it’s convenient that we’ve got the ham and turkey holidays coming up!
Something subtle has changed though. Just this week my pants are finally starting to show signs of being tighter. Sure, most of them are still my regular pants but I no longer need to wear my belt on the last notch. No belt is fine. Jeans are no longer possible. I wore a pair last Friday and was so uncomfortable all day. I have a vague memory of needing maternity jeans before other maternity bottoms last time around so it must be something to do with denim. I’m wearing maternity jeans right now – just the kind with the elastic waistband, I hate the belly panel ones – and it’s a definite improvement. I’m also getting good use out of the clothes I bought for returning to work after maternity leave. Pants and suit jackets that were so big I should have had them taken in and tailored after loosing weight but was too lazy are now starting to fit quite nicely. So hey, more use out of that forgotten corner of my wardrobe!
My belly is just plain *feeling* bigger now, too. I’m starting to feel the pull of gravity. I can make a noticeable difference simply by holding my stomach up, whether I’m sitting or standing. I don’t think my posture has changed much, yet I’m definitely feeling joint aches that would go along with my center shifting to adjust for this new front load. I am still able to sleep on my front, well maybe 7/8 on my front, but that’s still better than nothing and I know it won’t last. I suppose this is all just natural as I move closer to the end of the second trimester.
It is a little ridiculous that I’m already having trouble reaching my feet. Since this is a winter pregnancy, I’m not going to be able to get away with simply sliding into some sandals. Pulling on boots is increasingly tough. And when stretching at the gym I have to physically move my stomach out of the way when I bend over and it smooshes against my leg.
It’s also strange to use the phrase “my eyes are bigger than my stomach”. But the reduced eating capacity is continuing along unabated. I’m saddened to know that I physically won’t be able to pig out at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. But since pork and poultry are the two proteins I’ve been craving most frequently, it’s convenient that we’ve got the ham and turkey holidays coming up!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Restless Brain Syndrome
The preggo insomnia is really starting to take its toll on my mental facilities. I’m just barely holding on to a thread of rational thought today. I don’t remember the sleeplessness being so bad when I was pregnant with Kirk. Sure, it was difficult to get comfortable and I woke up to pee more times than should be allowed without turning into a punchline. But the straight up inability to stay asleep wasn’t an issue.
I’ve had sporadic random insomnia throughout my life. Usually I can fall asleep no problem but if I wake up in the middle of the night I can’t get back to sleep, often for a couple of hours. But I generally only woke up from a weird dream or an odd noise or something, and it certainly wasn’t common. Now I’m waking up nearly every night, either to pee or because Kirk’s demanding something from the other room. Even if I make Mr. b go attend to the boy, well, I’m still awake.
So then I toss and turn and my brain goes into overdrive and all my old tricks for calming my thoughts don’t work anymore. Last night was especially bad because a level of crazy got added. I don’t know if it’s hormones or sleep deprivation but I ended up bawling for nearly an hour. After spending an hour or so watching reruns of M*A*S*H. After gazing out the front window into the dark street. After restlessly flipping about from side to side in bed for an hour. I feel like a ghastly human. I was filled with so much self-loathing and pure hatred. The reason I woke up? I was sleep slapping Mr. b to get him to stop snoring. In my head I thought I was stopping him from spoiling me on episodes of Angel I hadn’t gotten to yet. He ended up moving to the spare bed in the basement. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I’m a terrible mother. I spanked Kirk – in public – earlier that evening when he hit me in the belly at the store. And then when he stumbled and stubbed his finger while getting out of the car back at home I didn’t comfort him. And then when he was slamming the bedroom door against the wall, causing a doorknob shaped ring to be pressed into the wall, I grabbed his hand to stop him and squeezed too tight and hurt him. I’m a cruel and vicious person. What right do I have to bring another human into the world? How can I possibly be a good mother?
I also felt so alone. I don’t have anything in my life to identify me other than being pregnant. I have no hobbies. I have no interests. I have nothing going on, no plans or strategies. I feel like I have nothing to control. Everything is breaking around me. Our DVD/VCR has been useless for a while now. We watch discs on a Playstation 2 and just don’t watch anything on tape. Our new dishwasher still isn’t installed because the handyman keeps putting off the work. Our oven no longer works, the heat won’t come on, so even though the range top works we have to figure out if it’s fixable or if we need to magically find the money for a new stove. Our car is paid off but that just translates to constant issues, the latest dealing with tires. Our ARM resets next year and will we even be able to afford to live in our too small house with crappy appliances?
I feel this little girl squirming inside me and I worry about the pregnancy. I didn’t fret about that last time at all. But now each little abdominal twinge, each poo cramp or stomach growl, each time I don’t feel her moving (certainly not for long enough to be a *real* concern), sets me off on a bad train of thought.
I’m just so tired.
I’ve had sporadic random insomnia throughout my life. Usually I can fall asleep no problem but if I wake up in the middle of the night I can’t get back to sleep, often for a couple of hours. But I generally only woke up from a weird dream or an odd noise or something, and it certainly wasn’t common. Now I’m waking up nearly every night, either to pee or because Kirk’s demanding something from the other room. Even if I make Mr. b go attend to the boy, well, I’m still awake.
So then I toss and turn and my brain goes into overdrive and all my old tricks for calming my thoughts don’t work anymore. Last night was especially bad because a level of crazy got added. I don’t know if it’s hormones or sleep deprivation but I ended up bawling for nearly an hour. After spending an hour or so watching reruns of M*A*S*H. After gazing out the front window into the dark street. After restlessly flipping about from side to side in bed for an hour. I feel like a ghastly human. I was filled with so much self-loathing and pure hatred. The reason I woke up? I was sleep slapping Mr. b to get him to stop snoring. In my head I thought I was stopping him from spoiling me on episodes of Angel I hadn’t gotten to yet. He ended up moving to the spare bed in the basement. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I’m a terrible mother. I spanked Kirk – in public – earlier that evening when he hit me in the belly at the store. And then when he stumbled and stubbed his finger while getting out of the car back at home I didn’t comfort him. And then when he was slamming the bedroom door against the wall, causing a doorknob shaped ring to be pressed into the wall, I grabbed his hand to stop him and squeezed too tight and hurt him. I’m a cruel and vicious person. What right do I have to bring another human into the world? How can I possibly be a good mother?
I also felt so alone. I don’t have anything in my life to identify me other than being pregnant. I have no hobbies. I have no interests. I have nothing going on, no plans or strategies. I feel like I have nothing to control. Everything is breaking around me. Our DVD/VCR has been useless for a while now. We watch discs on a Playstation 2 and just don’t watch anything on tape. Our new dishwasher still isn’t installed because the handyman keeps putting off the work. Our oven no longer works, the heat won’t come on, so even though the range top works we have to figure out if it’s fixable or if we need to magically find the money for a new stove. Our car is paid off but that just translates to constant issues, the latest dealing with tires. Our ARM resets next year and will we even be able to afford to live in our too small house with crappy appliances?
I feel this little girl squirming inside me and I worry about the pregnancy. I didn’t fret about that last time at all. But now each little abdominal twinge, each poo cramp or stomach growl, each time I don’t feel her moving (certainly not for long enough to be a *real* concern), sets me off on a bad train of thought.
I’m just so tired.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
18 Weeks
I haven’t been doing a very good job of keeping track of what gestational week I’m on this pregnancy. I had to actually ask the doctor yesterday. I knew approximately but I wasn’t sure exactly. I know that my “day” is Sunday but I had just completely spaced out if I was already at 18 or coming upon 18. The former.
I guess that’s one of those Second Pregnancy things. Mr. b is experiencing a different one; he said he can’t even imagine how he could possibly love the new baby as much as he loves Kirk. I’ve actually heard that one before. I’m not sure why I’m not feeling it. Maybe because the reality of another lifeform is more immediate for me? I mean, I can literally feel it moving around.
Mr. b also hasn’t been able to come to all of my ob visits with me like before. Yesterday was the first time he got to hear the heartbeat! He announced he could just tell it’s a girl. New Doc was amused. They also had a small bonding moment of making fun of the preggo’s lack of logic. (Dammit, it makes sense to me to want to buy a new Boppy pillow instead of just steal the old one off of Kirk’s bed!)
It was an uneventful visit other than that. As they should be. I’ve gained 2 pounds since last month which is good I guess since I had been loosing before then. I did learn about the weird sharp pains I’ll occasionally get deep in my belly if I stand up too fast or shift position too abruptly. Apparently it’s the ligaments that anchor the uterus getting stretched and not keeping up with what’s required of them. Makes sense to me and nothing to worry about.
I guess that’s one of those Second Pregnancy things. Mr. b is experiencing a different one; he said he can’t even imagine how he could possibly love the new baby as much as he loves Kirk. I’ve actually heard that one before. I’m not sure why I’m not feeling it. Maybe because the reality of another lifeform is more immediate for me? I mean, I can literally feel it moving around.
Mr. b also hasn’t been able to come to all of my ob visits with me like before. Yesterday was the first time he got to hear the heartbeat! He announced he could just tell it’s a girl. New Doc was amused. They also had a small bonding moment of making fun of the preggo’s lack of logic. (Dammit, it makes sense to me to want to buy a new Boppy pillow instead of just steal the old one off of Kirk’s bed!)
It was an uneventful visit other than that. As they should be. I’ve gained 2 pounds since last month which is good I guess since I had been loosing before then. I did learn about the weird sharp pains I’ll occasionally get deep in my belly if I stand up too fast or shift position too abruptly. Apparently it’s the ligaments that anchor the uterus getting stretched and not keeping up with what’s required of them. Makes sense to me and nothing to worry about.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Procrastination
Last night Mr. b asked me what I was doing. I answered truthfully, "Procrastinating." He declared that Denny Thor, procrastination, and potatoes are my three favorite things in the world and has promised that should he ever write a comic strip about me it will be titled Procrastination & Potatoes. [Inside Joke Explanation: Mr. b once drew me a picture of my "boyfriend", Denny Thor (a long haired surfer), after teasing me mercilessly that I looove hateful Denethor, Steward of Gondor and father of Boromir and Faramir, which is painfully untrue though I will admit that the actor did a fantastic job of portraying such a wretched man in the film.]
I finally bought fabric for my Halloween costume last weekend. But did I start working on it? No I did not. Instead, I made Kirk a pillow case. While at the fabric warehouse, he and his father found some adorable Incredibles flannel and Kirk asked me to cut him some. I still have about a yard left which I figure I’ll either back with some cotton for a simple small "quilt" or else maybe stuff as a teddy bear. I’ve managed to put off that unnecessary project though so at least one thing is waiting its turn.
I was bound and determined to not let my procrastinatorial nature stop me from working last night. So after two loads of laundry I was finally ready. To sort through my old maternity clothes! I pulled out everything not sleeveless or obviously warm weather and started trying stuff on. I vividly remember the weird loss of self I experienced last time from wearing clothes I never picked out on my own. I love hand-me-downs but there came a point where I couldn’t recollect my own sense of style. So I immediately pulled out the items I know I didn’t wear because I wasn’t sure if I liked them or not, as well as the stuff that is just plain too small since I’m starting off several pounds heavier than last time. I’m still wearing my regular pants though so I’ll save that session for another day. I guess that’s another vote for "girl" since carrying high is a girl indicator, right?
I really did finally get some work done on my costume. Cut out all the skirt pieces. After making Kirk’s bed and spending some time on the internets. Sheesh. I’m pathetic. But now that I’m started I really will be fine. And I mean, the deadline is coming up and that’s what procrastinators need: deadlines. The tough part will be making the bodice pattern since the pattern I’m using is missing those pieces. Since I’m already sizing the whole thing up I’d have to do math anyway so it’s less dire than it would appear.
I was bound and determined to not let my procrastinatorial nature stop me from working last night. So after two loads of laundry I was finally ready. To sort through my old maternity clothes! I pulled out everything not sleeveless or obviously warm weather and started trying stuff on. I vividly remember the weird loss of self I experienced last time from wearing clothes I never picked out on my own. I love hand-me-downs but there came a point where I couldn’t recollect my own sense of style. So I immediately pulled out the items I know I didn’t wear because I wasn’t sure if I liked them or not, as well as the stuff that is just plain too small since I’m starting off several pounds heavier than last time. I’m still wearing my regular pants though so I’ll save that session for another day. I guess that’s another vote for "girl" since carrying high is a girl indicator, right?
I really did finally get some work done on my costume. Cut out all the skirt pieces. After making Kirk’s bed and spending some time on the internets. Sheesh. I’m pathetic. But now that I’m started I really will be fine. And I mean, the deadline is coming up and that’s what procrastinators need: deadlines. The tough part will be making the bodice pattern since the pattern I’m using is missing those pieces. Since I’m already sizing the whole thing up I’d have to do math anyway so it’s less dire than it would appear.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Sugar & Spice?
While going through my old posts I was reminded of all the fun gender identification myths out there. Mr. b and Kirk have both been calling this kid “she” since the beginning and they must be winning me over or something because I’m definitely getting girl vibes now. For one thing, the only names I can think of are female. And frankly, my top girl name is the same girl name we picked out last time and didn’t use. I’m glad we both love it still. Another indicator is the heartburn issue. OK so like all of these, there’s a 50/50 chance that they’re accurate; that doesn’t make them not fun! Even though I had been told that heartburn = girl, I was told more often that heartburn = boy. (And also heartburn = lots of hair at birth but that’s not relevant here and wasn’t the case with Kirk At. All.) At this point in my last pregnancy I was already popping the Rolaids like no tomorrow. I think I’ve had maybe a half dozen all told so far this time? And honestly, that could just as easily have been regular ol’ heartburn instead. Hopefully that means that I’ll get a break and it won’t get bad until my stomach is so squished up that the acid has no place to fit. That’s just physics folks, pure and simple. Of course I feel like utter crap today and have already had to choke down a mouthful of bile but that’s not regular heartburn either. Then there’s also the “a girl steals her mother’s beauty” trope. I am definitely feeling that one. I’m not saying this to plead for compliments either. I just don’t really see myself in the mirror anymore. I see someone that looks like me but is missing that spark that I do think makes me attractive. It’s not that I radically cut off my hair and I needed to get used to that. I always radically cut off my hair when it’s gotten too long. (I just don’t think haircuts are any fun if all you’re doing is chopping off a couple of inches. What’s the point in that? It’s hair people! It grows! Have fun with it!) No, this is something deeper that I can’t put my finger on. Maybe it’s a self-perception issue entirely but I do keep coming back to that phrase and wondering about it.
I’ll have my ultrasound in about a month or so and we will most definitely find out if possible. So who knows, I could be totally wrong here. But I wanted to put my prediction out there just in case.
I’ll have my ultrasound in about a month or so and we will most definitely find out if possible. So who knows, I could be totally wrong here. But I wanted to put my prediction out there just in case.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Compare and Contrast
I need to do some research and review my blog entries from last time. Some things I remember very clearly. I know I had the greasy hair at the roots issue. It drove me nuts. Stupid hormones. Well, it happened again this time and I took action. I cut it all off! Yay for short hair! It’s been since like 9th or 10th grade that I’ve had it this short. I’m 90% used to it now and I’m having fun with accessories.
Stomach holding: Oh wow. I didn’t think about this one but I’m totally doing it already and have been for quite a while.
Weakness: Yep. That’s back. Several weeks ago, Mr. b caught me taking a break from cutting up a watermelon by sitting on the floor and freaked out. I didn’t want to give up in the middle of the project but I just couldn’t stand anymore and figured that wasn’t safe considering the fact I was using a sharp chef’s knife.
Weird nipples: Mr. b called me on that one. Naturally. I remember being a little kid and seeing naked woman boobs at campground showers or wherever and being freaked out about their giant nipples. Some of it was just size perspective, like the house you grew up in seeming smaller if you go back there as an adult. But thinking back on it I have to wonder if there wasn’t some pregnancy and/or breast feeding going on as well.
Lost weight: Five pounds. That is exactly the same amount for the first trimester of both pregnancies.
Fetal movement: Here’s a difference. Apparently it wasn’t until week 16 last time. I know for a fact I’ve been feeling it for several weeks already this time. And I’m not at 16 weeks until Sunday. I know that you feel it earlier for your subsequent pregnancies than you do for your first. But I’m pretty sure that’s still sooner than typical for most women.
Showing: I guess that’s about the same timing, maybe a week earlier this time. It really became evident to me earlier this week. And not just while naked. Some of my clothes still disguise my belly but anything even slightly tightish and you can really see that either I have a major beer gut or else there’s a parasite growing in there.
Taste buds: Interesting. I didn’t remember my distaste for Chinese food last time. Currently I’m having issues with breakfast. All the foods that I normally love (OK cereal mainly, both cold and hot) just don’t sound good to me at all in the morning. And don’t really taste that good to me either. I need to figure out what I do want to eat, and soon, because I need to eat first thing in the morning, pregnant or not.
Well, I’ll stop my review there for now. I don’t want to get too far ahead of where I’m actually at. I do wonder how long I continued wearing regular clothes before switching over to maternity. I’m planning to pull the ‘ternity stuff I saved out of storage this weekend and take inventory. My shirts are just becoming noticeably short and even though my pants still fit, I think it’s time to start integrating some of those items into my closet.
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