Red Carpet Preggos

I’ve been trying to avoid the horrible Britney birth statue thing because I hate her so much anyways and it’s just…but then I read the Go Fug Yourself take on it and yes. That’s it. It’s not even accurate! She had a fuckin’ C-Section! An elective C-Section! And here’s the thing, I am so fed up with celebrity pregnancies. Do these people even care about the lives they are creating? Do they understand that these little publicity stunts will become whole people that will need love and attention? Or does that not matter when you have nannies to raise your children and chefs to cook your post-partum diet foods and personal trainers to help you loose the 5 and a half pounds you allowed yourself to gain? (Sure, Diablo’s girlfriend Kate Hudson said fuck it and gained as much weight as she fuckin’ felt like it when she was up the spout, which was awesome, but she still had wealthy person assistance to loose it all.) I don’t understand it. It’s not like half of these women even conceived naturally. Yeah, you had twins by accident. Sure you got knocked up “accidentally” with your first child in your mid-forties. We believe you. And now the insipid TomKat silent birth is upon us and I can’t escape the horror of that whole scenario. I’m not so jaded as some to still believe that she’s just wearing a belly prosthetic but I also fear for that poor child. Next will come the Brangelina baby—and I like them as a couple but the over-exposure is already painful. And there’s the whole Jessica-wants-to-adopt-an-entire-country-and-then-get-immaculately-concepted thing brewing. I guess that’s why I was so happy to hear about Heath and Michelle during Oscar season. They just seemed like real people. I could relate to their emotions and decisions. They were genuinely excited about being parents. They were truly in love with their beautiful little girl. They denied help from their families because they wanted to spend time with their own new family. They were in love with each other even more so after seeing their amazing creation. And Michelle was so matter of fact about the labor and delivery process, talking about how trusting it is to be naked and pooping and in pain and still be supported and loved by your man. It was the most honesty I’ve ever sensed from “Hollywood types” and it was magnificent.