Daycare was a half-day on Thursday and I decided to just take the whole day off and spend it with Kirk. Mr. b had taken a random Friday off to hang out with the boy (they went to the Children's Museum) and so I was feeling a bit jealous. Well, maybe that's too strong. I just haven't done any fun Mama and Kirkie outing and I guess I was feeling like I was letting him down. But I couldn't think of anything exciting to do with him. Certainly nothing that could compare to going to the museum and driving by his favorite place in the universe: the Minnesota Capitol. But I wanted to try. I read an article once about a mom taking her son on a mini-vacation just the two of them shortly before she had another kid. And I really like that sentiment but don't think I need to wait until I'm pregnant again to start doing it.
So we took the bus downtown and checked out the new Central Library. I still hadn't been in there since it was finished! There was baby storytime earlier that morning and I knew they had some sort of free-play scheduled in the children's area for a while yet. Kirk was the oldest kid in the storytime room and probably the second oldest in the entire children's section. And the moms of the babies were obviously full-time moms that derive all of their self-worth and identity from being moms. They all hovered over their only children instead of letting them crawl around and explore. Or they held them instead of letting them play with the bin of infant toys. And the discussions were all about what early childhood development class they were taking. Where the best infant yoga offerings are. Various other baby activities offered in the swanky west and south suburbs. It was kind of gross and stereotypical and it made me uncomfortable. And I felt compelled to broadcast that I actually work for a living; seeking out status for practicing baby genius flashcards is not something I'm interested in. And never have been.
The funny thing is that just a few minutes earlier, a couple of women on the bus had been floored at Kirk's language abilities. The one woman said he sounded like her 4-year old grandson and she about keeled over when she heard him rambling on about the capitol. So I don't feel like I'm depriving my son of any education. I think he's learning more by going on outings to places that aren't necessarily part of some approved McMansion curriculum. But I definitely felt out of place and I'll have to keep that in mind next time I want to have a day with my son. And it's always nice to have a reminder that being a stay-at-home is not for me.
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8 comments:
Oh, I have seen THOSE moms at Borders in the children's section. Their precious children can do no wrong. They are oblivious to real life.
Bel, you manage to maintain an adult life and your own identity. Not too many parents are like that. Plus, I love that you and Mr. B have introduced Kirkie to things you actually enjoy. Cool stuff like music and toys, etc.
Kirkie is going to be the coolest little kid in kiddiegarden and the teachers will most likely appreciate his knowledge of the Capitol,SW and really good music! Hee, I bet he will be the only child allowed to hang in the teacher's lounge when that day comes. ;-)
I don't get those women at all. I had a SAHM until I was in junior high, and I know we never, ever had structured outings or baby yoga or any of that. We played outside and colored and watched Sesame Street and hung out with Mom. I think my Mom didn't have a hang-up about proving her accomplishments outside of the workforce.
Thanks you guys. It's nice to know that other people notice those moms, too, and that I'm not the only one that finds them off-putting.
I know many working moms that act the same way. It has to do with how they view BEING a mom and that children should be perfect little packages.
I love (ha, ha) how they act so disgusted when a child ACTS like a child does at times (screams, yells, hits.....). They grab their little perfect child and run.
(yes, I have been there.)
Oh you're right that it doesn't matter if the mom has a "real" job or not. It's when your whole identity is consumed by Being A Mom. You need to take time to be yourself, too!
Yes. Yes. I have experienced those moms and have probably been mistaken for being one myself due to simple fact that I stay at home w/ my kid. I feel for those new moms in the 'burbs. Maybe they had big, powerful gigs before becoming mommy and feel worthless b/c there is no financial payoff anymore? Or maybe they are just lost w/out that job which to identify themselves with and are trying to figure it out? I dunno. It's a hard to call w/out talking to each of them.
Being a new stay at home mom wasn’t easy for me and was often pretty lonely for the first year or so. Going to work everyday would have been a whole lot easier in many ways and we wouldn’t have had to make so many financial sacrifices. I recall having no money to do anything "fun" for myself and when it did appear, feeling a great amount of guilt over spending it on myself. While I certainly don't derive all of my self worth from my child (and honestly cannot think of one person I know who does), I take a great deal of pride in watching my kid grow up and become an individual. I think most (good) parents do.
No one could have prepared me for all of the judgment that would come with having a kid. There was all of the deeply useless "advice" from working childless friends who asked when I was going to get Esther enrolled in preschool (she just turned 1) or "at least get her in some sort of social network” like we were keeping our kid in a closet when she should be out making connections for life. I had to restrain my overwhelmed and nerve raw self from clawing their clueless faces off. Then there were the other parents who were making disparaging comments about going to infant classes or going to group activities with my kid; like I was buying into some snob culture when I was really just trying to get out of the house a couple days a week and stay sane. It was exhausting. I just stopped giving a shit about what other people thought and decided to raise my kid and find some other cool parents to hang with.
Everyone feels like they have the right to make a call on parent’s decisions or they feel the need to justify their own. The stay at homes vs. the workings is such a tired game. There is so much polarization that happens in the choices women make involving parenting it’s easy to forget that we (male and female parental units) are all in this together and (ideally) have the same goal = raising decent human beings.
Phew...
Dang, la! Did I hit a nerve? Wow. I swear I wasn't actually trying to start a home mommies versus work mommies tussle. I'm more bothered by the over-protection that seems to translate to over-involvement, like stage moms and sideline dads, you know?
Yeah, that was a little on the long-sih side. I'll just chock it up for a lot ot say on a big ass subject.
Oh, and hormones and recent life events.
Glad you didn't take my tirade the wrong way.
I swear I'm not a freakshow all of the time.
;)
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