I'm having a real hard time with Kirk's preferential treatment of his father. It would be one thing if he just ignored me. But it's more than that. He refuses to sit in my lap even when Mr. b's not home. He wails when his Dada leaves for band practie or recording or a gig. "Mama no!" "No kisses!" "Mama leave!" "Mama go!" This weekend he actually tried to push me out of bed when we brought him in to sleep in with us. I left and went and bawled in the kitchen. It's hitting me way harder than the last time he was being mean.
I know it's just a phase. I know I should enjoy having the pressure lessened while he hangs on his dad. Mr. b makes a good point that I'll always be Mama, the comforter and care-giver, even when he's long grown past kisses on his owies. But I don't care. It hurts so much.
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I figure if I can get all the Mommy Talk out of the way on the internets it'll leave me to converse like a normal human the rest of the time. Or else I'll just talk about books. Or my new, unexpected gluten-free life thanks to celiac disease.
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6 comments:
Oh, bel. You are a wonderful mom. It seems like pain is an occasional requirement for growth. It's hard, but you have to remember not to take it personally. (This sentiment, in fact, could be applied to MANY situations where the other person's crap is making you upset/angry/hurt. Doesn't make it easier, but in theory we should have a lot of practice.)
(((((((Big hugs)))))))
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.
If it helps, I like you way better than him. :)
If you want, I can come over and shove Mr. B out of bed. ;-)
I have a weird theory about this: I think that sometimes it SEEMS like kids favor Daddy simply because "Mama love" is so primal and everpresent, like oxygen. Does that make any sense? Like, Kirk is so connected to you-- and has been since the moment of conception--that his love for you is a given. Whereas Dad (while obviously important) is somehow a more exciting and unpredictable figure to a little kid.
Thank you for writing candidly about these things, by the way.
Oh you poor thing. That really sucks! I am sure the phase will be over soon and he'll be back to giving you hugs and kisses and cuddles in no time!
Hugs,
Jill
Thank you guys, each and every one of you. I really appreciate reading the encouragement, even if it doesn't help in the moment when he's being mean to mommy! I'm glad you don't mind my candor either!
Little Man still seems to prefer me to ZM at the moment, but I am in agreement with brook. A fish does not know there is water and therefore takes water for granted. You most likely spend more time with Kirk and therefore your love has become expected. Since Mr B doesn't get as much time with the rugrat he gets the preferencial treatment. It is sadly the way of things. When you are not there though, you most likely are missed more than when Mr B is not there.
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