Friday morning I had my first ob visit. But I had to go in on Wednesday morning for the registration. I didn't remember that part at all. Mr. b kept talking about how they gave us free stuff last time when I got the confirmation and how that must be for first timers only. When I got called in it all came back to me: oh yeah! Nurse P and the paperwork and the free stuff! We actually used that diaper bag the whole time for Kirk, until it had disintegrated into nothingness. So thankfully...we've got another one now!
The ob visit itself was fine. The first one is always longest since they have to do the gyn exam, too, and there's the blood work and pee sample. New Doc came highly recommended. Nurse P and Doc and the scheduling lady are all fans so I was looking forward to finally meeting him. Indeed, he was very nice and very funny. Mr. b didn't come with since daycare was on vacation and he was home with Kirk. He missed out on the nifty bedside ultrasound! It looked to me like there was only one fetal blob inside the uterus blob so that's good news. New Doc had presumed he wouldn't be able to hear the heartbeat yet at not quite ten weeks and that's why he busted out the little portable ultrasound. But I've been told since my first gyn at age 15 that my uterus is slanted back at a pretty extreme angle. So even though he couldn't actually see the heartbeat on the viewscreen, when he switched to the audio finder instead, he found it immediately - way down at the pelvic bone.
I've already decided that I do want to bring Kirk with for the big proper ultrasound at 20 weeks. I think it'll be neat for him to see the baby inside mama's tummy.
I've had 3 different due dates suggested so far. The doctor that confirmed the pregnancy was on old ob, long retired from that part of his practice, and used some mental calculations to arrive at March 29th. Nurse P used the plastic calendar dial thingie and said that I was right on the line for frickin' April 1st (which would just figure). New Doc also used the dial thingie but said it was more like March 30th. So I've just been saying "end of March". I actually just had to bite my cousins' rhymes. They sent out an "oops, here comes number 3 announcement" last night, and they're also due at the end of March. I used that as my opening to let the rest of the family know about me, too. I had already told everyone in MN and ND, figuring that the grapevine would do the rest, but still, it seemed like I should actually make a real announcement. Hopefully they'll see the humor. The Fourth of July was a fruitful holiday this year!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
First Trimester Blues
I haven’t posted in far too long. Normally I have several topics floating around in my head and I have to space them out. I had intended to put up my travelogue from our North Carolina trip but it’s been over a month now and that seems kinda dumb at this point. Obviously some stuff has happened in the meantime to distract me. Heh. I’ve been pretty much useless by the time I get home from work each day. The exhaustion continues but at least the queasiness after eating has lessened considerably. However, in its place, I now feel beyond bloated after I eat anything. It hasn’t moved into the heartburn phase yet either, which is good because yay no heartburn but bad because antacids don’t actually help. I need to buy a new Boppy pillow for sleeping. Mr. b says I should just take the old one from Kirk but it’s Kirk’s! And besides, why should Child Person Mark II have to begin in vitro with hand-me-downs? Lord knows that’s gonna happen plenty as it is just being a younger sibling. I can feel the expansion tension in my stomach. In fact, I can feel all sorts of uterine movements. Not fetal fluttering yet but there are still familiarities. Unfamiliar, however, is constipation. That was not an issue last time. It actually hurts to poop and I feel like I’m tearing open scabs, which must be the case due to the occasional blood. Guess I’ll have to ask if stool softeners are on the list of OK meds for preggos. Not that I want more drugs. I’m already on antibiotics for this frickin’ sweat gland infection in my arm pit. Which in turn forces me to use anti-fungal cream (externally thank you very much) to keep any yeast infection at bay since antibiotics apparently make women prone to that fun side-effect. And as long as I’m complaining about the functions between my legs, why has the middle of the night peeing already begun? Dammit. I need sleep! My bladder can’t possibly be operating under that much real estate reduction yet. I’m only like 9 weeks fercrissakes! And if I don’t wake up to pee then I wake up to let the damn cat in when I hear her yeowling outside because she wouldn’t frickin’ come in before I went to bed. And if it’s not the cat then it’s the boy and he really sucks these days. He is just mean and a total jerk to both his mama and his daddy. The hitting and the spitting and the screaming and the crying fits and jeez, it’s like he’s three or something. Time outs are ineffectual and we haven’t figured out what to do next. Taking away toys seems to work somewhat. I can’t believe we’re having another one. We are clearly insane.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Milk Fed Veal
Kirk had his 3 year check-up this morning. Everything is awesome, he’s in perfect health, developing fantastically, blah blah blah. But we definitely have a couple of take-aways. Mr. b asked about milk. Because Kirk drinks a lot of it. So much that Doc was actually worried that he might be anemic. Apparently kids reach a point where getting the majority of their calories from milk instead of solid food can deprive them of other nutrients, particularly iron. So Kirk had to have his finger pricked. He looked at the lab tech with this shocked, accusatory expression on his face and hissed, “You hurted me!” But he didn’t cry and he forgot all about it once we left. The results? His hemoglobin is “excellent” and he’s definitely not anemic. However, we’re still going to start weaning him off the constant milk cups. It’s largely a laziness factor I think. On both sides. It’s easy to just get him a sippy of milk and it’s easy for him to just carry around a sippy of milk. I’ve already begun to only fill the cup 1/2 or 2/3 full when he asks for some so that’s a start. We’re going to get him some Flintstones vitamins, too.
We also need to actually take him in to an optometrist. We should have after we saw Doc the last time to check out his eyes/flat head. But laziness prevailed there as well and it didn’t happen. Now she’s worried that his right eye might be developing a little off and wants us to be sure that it’s not that and is only a result of the skull shape. Great. Oh and teeth. Time to take him to the dentist. Well, since he’s not on my dental insurance yet that’ll have to wait until next year. I have a check-up I need to schedule soon for myself and I was thinking of bringing him along just to observe and get used to the idea.
Doc also was properly saddened by her decision to quit delivering babies when we told her I’m knocked up. She spoke highly of the guy I’ll be seeing in a couple weeks for my first ob visit though and asked that I bring Child Person to her after the birth.
The last thing we need to work on is something we’ve been working on already: potty training. Doc suspects that it may come down to peer pressure for Kirk. He’s certainly physically capable of doing it. But he doesn’t care. And he’ll convince himself that he “can’t” and then won’t even try. Mr. b has instigated a bribery system that works…to a point. Kirk will most definitely put his pee in the potty if there’s a toy on the line. Stickers and suckers seem to be less worth the effort however. So yesterday he peed in the potty four times in rapid succession – just enough to get the three Cars hotrods and one Cars book that were taunting him from on top of the refrigerator. Maybe this plan is backfiring after all.
We also need to actually take him in to an optometrist. We should have after we saw Doc the last time to check out his eyes/flat head. But laziness prevailed there as well and it didn’t happen. Now she’s worried that his right eye might be developing a little off and wants us to be sure that it’s not that and is only a result of the skull shape. Great. Oh and teeth. Time to take him to the dentist. Well, since he’s not on my dental insurance yet that’ll have to wait until next year. I have a check-up I need to schedule soon for myself and I was thinking of bringing him along just to observe and get used to the idea.
Doc also was properly saddened by her decision to quit delivering babies when we told her I’m knocked up. She spoke highly of the guy I’ll be seeing in a couple weeks for my first ob visit though and asked that I bring Child Person to her after the birth.
The last thing we need to work on is something we’ve been working on already: potty training. Doc suspects that it may come down to peer pressure for Kirk. He’s certainly physically capable of doing it. But he doesn’t care. And he’ll convince himself that he “can’t” and then won’t even try. Mr. b has instigated a bribery system that works…to a point. Kirk will most definitely put his pee in the potty if there’s a toy on the line. Stickers and suckers seem to be less worth the effort however. So yesterday he peed in the potty four times in rapid succession – just enough to get the three Cars hotrods and one Cars book that were taunting him from on top of the refrigerator. Maybe this plan is backfiring after all.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Dietary Supplements
This weekend we had no plans. Finally. For a change. So we ended up going to the grocery store a lot. For my preggo cravings. I do not normally have a sweet tooth. It takes me three sittings to eat a full-size candy bar. I can keep a pint of ice cream in the freezer for two weeks. If I bake something I’ll have one serving and then have to give away the rest for fear it will go bad before I get to it again. But not right now. Oh no. I want sweet thangs.
So Saturday we went and I picked out cherries and strawberries and fancy fruit roll-ups (Archer Farms Fruit Strips) and a Heath bar (of which I only ate half). Oh and more grape Gatorade G2 because it’s apparently the most delicious beverage ever made. Sunday we had to go back. I needed honey roasted peanuts. And cupcakes. Thankfully we were smart enough to pick out a 6-pack of mini cupcakes so that when I am no longer interested we won’t have zillions sitting around. And later that night I still made myself an ice cream sundae with peanuts, chocolate sauce, and cut up fresh strawberries.
The only problem is that I’m having a hard time eating anything. Oh, I’m not nauseous. I’m not puking up my lunches. But most of the time I get queasy and just generally sick in a “my tummy hurts” kind of way after I eat any food at all. Saturday was terrible and I slept a lot instead. Sunday I was fine until dinner and then felt icky most of the evening. I know that feeling crappy means the baby is healthy and all that but it still sucks.
The other thing that sucks is my internal thermostat. I’m cold all the time. Until the middle of the night. Maybe some of it is the end of summer over-reliance on air conditioning. It cools off at night and we could open windows but we’re in the habit of having the AC on instead. But then it gets too cold and I have to turn it up or wear a sweatshirt, the latter option just seeming stupid in the beginning of August. And yet I’ll wake up at 3 in the morning and have to turn the air back on because I’m so hot. I remember being ridiculously hot last time but that was during the third trimester. I’m going to have to go back over old blog entries to see if I went through this schizo bullshit in the first then, too.
So Saturday we went and I picked out cherries and strawberries and fancy fruit roll-ups (Archer Farms Fruit Strips) and a Heath bar (of which I only ate half). Oh and more grape Gatorade G2 because it’s apparently the most delicious beverage ever made. Sunday we had to go back. I needed honey roasted peanuts. And cupcakes. Thankfully we were smart enough to pick out a 6-pack of mini cupcakes so that when I am no longer interested we won’t have zillions sitting around. And later that night I still made myself an ice cream sundae with peanuts, chocolate sauce, and cut up fresh strawberries.
The only problem is that I’m having a hard time eating anything. Oh, I’m not nauseous. I’m not puking up my lunches. But most of the time I get queasy and just generally sick in a “my tummy hurts” kind of way after I eat any food at all. Saturday was terrible and I slept a lot instead. Sunday I was fine until dinner and then felt icky most of the evening. I know that feeling crappy means the baby is healthy and all that but it still sucks.
The other thing that sucks is my internal thermostat. I’m cold all the time. Until the middle of the night. Maybe some of it is the end of summer over-reliance on air conditioning. It cools off at night and we could open windows but we’re in the habit of having the AC on instead. But then it gets too cold and I have to turn it up or wear a sweatshirt, the latter option just seeming stupid in the beginning of August. And yet I’ll wake up at 3 in the morning and have to turn the air back on because I’m so hot. I remember being ridiculously hot last time but that was during the third trimester. I’m going to have to go back over old blog entries to see if I went through this schizo bullshit in the first then, too.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Weekend Observations
While spending the night at my folks’ house on Friday I gave Kirk a choice of sleeping arrangements: he could either sleep in the bed with me or by himself on the floor in his sleeping bag. He chose the floor. I guess it’s a sign of his continuing independence but it sort of threw me. Since when has he turned down a chance to sleep in the bed with either or both of his parents?! But it was Nana and Papa’s house and the guest room we usually stay in so it was all familiar. And he slept in his sleeping bag on the floor the whole time we were on vacation last month so that was familiar, too.
I truly don’t think I’m showing yet. I mean, I’m like 6 weeks along so the idea I could be is kind of ridiculous. I remember a girlfriend telling me that she popped right out for her second kid but I’m still at least a good couple of months away from even that. However, I had some real difficulty zipping up my dress for the wedding we went to on Saturday. Sure, it’s a snug fit normally, but not in a too-tight kind of way, rather a proper sizing kind of way. And it was definitely smaller. Or rather, I seem to be thicker. Or something.
We seem to be getting the most excitement from friends and acquaintances that have more than one child. Like we’re entering the secret fraternity of Real Parents. Bill Cosby had that old bit about how you don’t know what parenting is like until you have more than one kid. And Mr. b has certainly riffed on how people ask if you have kids, plural, or if you have children, plural, so I guess we’re supposed to have more than one. But I felt…something indefinable yet real from some of the wedding guests Saturday night. It’s definitely been easier to come out as preggo. I was so freaked about that last time.
Physically things are mostly the same. However, I don’t remember having sore boobs last time. It’s not like a constant irritation or anything. But there’s a recurring ache that is definitely new.
I truly don’t think I’m showing yet. I mean, I’m like 6 weeks along so the idea I could be is kind of ridiculous. I remember a girlfriend telling me that she popped right out for her second kid but I’m still at least a good couple of months away from even that. However, I had some real difficulty zipping up my dress for the wedding we went to on Saturday. Sure, it’s a snug fit normally, but not in a too-tight kind of way, rather a proper sizing kind of way. And it was definitely smaller. Or rather, I seem to be thicker. Or something.
We seem to be getting the most excitement from friends and acquaintances that have more than one child. Like we’re entering the secret fraternity of Real Parents. Bill Cosby had that old bit about how you don’t know what parenting is like until you have more than one kid. And Mr. b has certainly riffed on how people ask if you have kids, plural, or if you have children, plural, so I guess we’re supposed to have more than one. But I felt…something indefinable yet real from some of the wedding guests Saturday night. It’s definitely been easier to come out as preggo. I was so freaked about that last time.
Physically things are mostly the same. However, I don’t remember having sore boobs last time. It’s not like a constant irritation or anything. But there’s a recurring ache that is definitely new.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Preggercize
What are the cardio rules when you’re knocked up? I know that starting any new exercise program is frowned upon but that’s not what I’m doing. I’m hardly a gym bunny but I have been going fairly regularly for the past year and a half or so. Maybe two or three times a week. I’ve gone twice this week. I’m trying not to push myself. When I was on the elliptical I purposely kept my heart rate lower than I normally aim for. And I didn’t go to an aerobic group exercise class; I went to a strength training one. We didn’t do any during that session, but I don’t know what I’m allowed to do for ab work. I know it’s damaging once your uterus grows enough to start to spread your abdominals out. I’m probably fine since it’s early.
The only bad thing I’ve noticed is that the exhaustion hits me harder when I’ve been to the gym. So far I’ve been nausea-free but the tiredness comes in the early evening. I’ll be fine again by the time Kirk’s getting ready for bed. I have enough energy to work out in the middle of the day so it’s a good thing my gym’s onsite. I just go before lunch and no worries. But then I’m simply destroyed when I get home. Completely spent. So the trade-off will be trying to keep up good habits and fighting the urge to take a hundred year nap.
The only bad thing I’ve noticed is that the exhaustion hits me harder when I’ve been to the gym. So far I’ve been nausea-free but the tiredness comes in the early evening. I’ll be fine again by the time Kirk’s getting ready for bed. I have enough energy to work out in the middle of the day so it’s a good thing my gym’s onsite. I just go before lunch and no worries. But then I’m simply destroyed when I get home. Completely spent. So the trade-off will be trying to keep up good habits and fighting the urge to take a hundred year nap.
Friday, July 25, 2008
My blog name is relevant again!
I didn't bother with a home test. I just went in for the official lab test because I *knew*. I mean, I knew the last time, too, but that was my first go at this whole pregnancy thing so I wanted to be sure. I hadn't ever peed on a stick before and it seemed like an important part of the process. This time it seemed like a waste of money. Even so, I started wondering if I was kidding myself. As I walked to the clinic I wondered what would happen if it was negative. Would I be upset? Would that mean that something else was wrong with me? Would all my friends make fun of me for acting so sure of the results?
I needn't have doubted my instincts though. I mean, women have been having babies for an awful long time without having to pee in a cup to find out they're knocked up. And when the doctor came into the room holding the lab results with a giant red POSITIVE stamped on it, well, I felt relieved and just a touch giddy. I'm due at the end of March - the doctor guessed maybe around March 29th - and it's still so early I can wait another month before the first ob visit.
It's interesting how much less worked up we are about this though. I mean, it's awesome and I'm excited but hey, I've done this before. I know what I'm getting myself into this time. I guess all the experienced parents out there who said you just don't care in the same way for the second pregnancy really knew what they were talking about! Mr. b and I went out for breakfast and we didn't have any worries about what sort of parents we'll be. Instead, we joked about how much easier it will be since Kirk will be nearly 4 when his second officer is born! That poor kid is going to be put to work. Good thing he likes babies!
I needn't have doubted my instincts though. I mean, women have been having babies for an awful long time without having to pee in a cup to find out they're knocked up. And when the doctor came into the room holding the lab results with a giant red POSITIVE stamped on it, well, I felt relieved and just a touch giddy. I'm due at the end of March - the doctor guessed maybe around March 29th - and it's still so early I can wait another month before the first ob visit.
It's interesting how much less worked up we are about this though. I mean, it's awesome and I'm excited but hey, I've done this before. I know what I'm getting myself into this time. I guess all the experienced parents out there who said you just don't care in the same way for the second pregnancy really knew what they were talking about! Mr. b and I went out for breakfast and we didn't have any worries about what sort of parents we'll be. Instead, we joked about how much easier it will be since Kirk will be nearly 4 when his second officer is born! That poor kid is going to be put to work. Good thing he likes babies!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Suspicious
OK, so that last one doesn’t necessarily mean anything because I just don’t know when to expect it. If I had been on the pill, it would have been yesterday. If it had been a perfect 28 days from the last one it would have been Sunday. However, the last one came earlier than 28 days and that’s what happened when I went off the pill last time, too. Not that I had enough data for a conclusive analysis then either.
I haven’t bought a stick to pee on yet. But I did pull a Vir and drink my last drink. Just in case. I’m still going to give it a few more days. We’ll see.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Untitled Vampire Detective Saga
I’ve fallen behind on book reviews, even only doing them for occasional titles instead of each one. I’m up to 35 already this year but I’ve also been reading a lot of comic book trade paperbacks, which will tend to rack it up. Some of those were the Bone Saga by Jeff Smith. I had seen this title in stores but never really looked at it. A friend posted a story that it may be made into a movie so of course, with my book-to-film obsession, that meant I had to finally read them. Nine volumes later and I’m so glad I did. One of the most amazing stories. The art is so simple and yet completely rich and alive. The characters are wonderful and grow and change in believable ways. The story itself is a wonderful adventure and Hero’s Journey. I don’t know how they could possibly transform this into a film but I definitely understand the desire to try.
Continuing along with my vampire book phase – which I’m just about ready to get over – I managed to catch up on the Twilight saga before the release of Breaking Dawn. I wasn’t planning on it but now I can’t imagine how I ever was willing to wait. I’m utterly and completely addicted. I’m a Jacob girl and I guess I’ll leave it at that.
I had read some good reviews for later entries in the series, but finally decided to read the first of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books after a friend posted this online comic strip. When I was picking Guilty Pleasures up at the library, the girl helping me said that she also had the comic book version on hand. So I checked them both out, figuring that it could be an interesting exercise. I’ve never read a graphic novel adaptation of a book I’ve already read before. The book was really fun, hard-boiled and intense and rather like the Dresden Files in feel. One of the blurbs on the cover, however, called it a "heady mix of romance and horror". OK, the horror part I get. There were some seriously scary and gross bits. But romance? Uh, making out with someone because you’re undercover and you have to keep up appearances does not count as romance. Perhaps things change as the series goes on. I’ll definitely read more, though it may be a while. (I’m so far behind on pop culture!) The art in the comic version kind of bugged. The curling hair and fabrics reminded me of Todd McFarlane’s capes. And the males are all drawn so beefcake it’s a bit unnerving – though I suppose it’s nice to have some equal opportunity cheesecake since so often it’s only chicks that get drawn that way. Mr. b said they all looked like Spider (Dewey’s replacement in School of Rock) and...he’s not wrong. That said, I got sucked (no pun intended) into the story again, even knowing what happens! So much so that when I got to the end of the volume and found out that it continues in the second one I was completely annoyed.
I’ve been reading some more of Discworld. I’m glad that I’m not the only one overwhelmed by starting this massive series. I wasn’t too keen on The Light Fantastic and I’ve heard that the earliest books are the weakest. Night Watch had a wonderful time travel element and the Ankh-Morpork Guard. It focused on one of the minor characters from Monstrous Regiment. Soul Music was also largely set in Ankh-Morpork but focused on the Wizards and Death moreso than the Guards. I feel like I’m getting a good idea of which areas I like best in Pratchett’s world and where I’d like to go next with that series. It’s such a daunting creation to dive into, and it definitely inspires quite a bit of discussion, but thankfully the fact that it doesn’t have to be read in any sort of order makes it easier to just pick and choose.
The last book club book I read was The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins. He was a friend of Dickens and is considered the father of the thriller. While the main protagonist in this book was not officially a detective, he did an admirable job of following through and linking together all the disparate elements of the mystery. It was an interesting read; it was very flowery and antiquated, and yet completely compelling. It was slow and deliberate but I kept turning the pages. And by the end, a lot of stuff happened! Some of the characterizations of the women were painfully sexist, but the author was himself something of a liberal for the times, which is an amusing, if appalling, thought. Overall I quite liked it, though I don’t know if I’d seek out any of his other books.
Continuing along with my vampire book phase – which I’m just about ready to get over – I managed to catch up on the Twilight saga before the release of Breaking Dawn. I wasn’t planning on it but now I can’t imagine how I ever was willing to wait. I’m utterly and completely addicted. I’m a Jacob girl and I guess I’ll leave it at that.
I had read some good reviews for later entries in the series, but finally decided to read the first of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books after a friend posted this online comic strip. When I was picking Guilty Pleasures up at the library, the girl helping me said that she also had the comic book version on hand. So I checked them both out, figuring that it could be an interesting exercise. I’ve never read a graphic novel adaptation of a book I’ve already read before. The book was really fun, hard-boiled and intense and rather like the Dresden Files in feel. One of the blurbs on the cover, however, called it a "heady mix of romance and horror". OK, the horror part I get. There were some seriously scary and gross bits. But romance? Uh, making out with someone because you’re undercover and you have to keep up appearances does not count as romance. Perhaps things change as the series goes on. I’ll definitely read more, though it may be a while. (I’m so far behind on pop culture!) The art in the comic version kind of bugged. The curling hair and fabrics reminded me of Todd McFarlane’s capes. And the males are all drawn so beefcake it’s a bit unnerving – though I suppose it’s nice to have some equal opportunity cheesecake since so often it’s only chicks that get drawn that way. Mr. b said they all looked like Spider (Dewey’s replacement in School of Rock) and...he’s not wrong. That said, I got sucked (no pun intended) into the story again, even knowing what happens! So much so that when I got to the end of the volume and found out that it continues in the second one I was completely annoyed.
I’ve been reading some more of Discworld. I’m glad that I’m not the only one overwhelmed by starting this massive series. I wasn’t too keen on The Light Fantastic and I’ve heard that the earliest books are the weakest. Night Watch had a wonderful time travel element and the Ankh-Morpork Guard. It focused on one of the minor characters from Monstrous Regiment. Soul Music was also largely set in Ankh-Morpork but focused on the Wizards and Death moreso than the Guards. I feel like I’m getting a good idea of which areas I like best in Pratchett’s world and where I’d like to go next with that series. It’s such a daunting creation to dive into, and it definitely inspires quite a bit of discussion, but thankfully the fact that it doesn’t have to be read in any sort of order makes it easier to just pick and choose.
The last book club book I read was The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins. He was a friend of Dickens and is considered the father of the thriller. While the main protagonist in this book was not officially a detective, he did an admirable job of following through and linking together all the disparate elements of the mystery. It was an interesting read; it was very flowery and antiquated, and yet completely compelling. It was slow and deliberate but I kept turning the pages. And by the end, a lot of stuff happened! Some of the characterizations of the women were painfully sexist, but the author was himself something of a liberal for the times, which is an amusing, if appalling, thought. Overall I quite liked it, though I don’t know if I’d seek out any of his other books.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Vacation
What he said.
I did keep a travelogue some of the days so I’ll transcribe that and add to it after I get our pictures uploaded. Basically my routine was thus: get up, make muffins, take Kirk to the beach, take Kirk to the pool, eat lunch, put Kirk down for a nap, take Kirk back to the beach, go to the other house for dinner, start drinking, put Kirk to bed, stay up late drinking and playing games.
I am beginning to wonder, however, if the constant heartburn is truly related to all the excessive drinking. I’ll give it a few more days.
I did keep a travelogue some of the days so I’ll transcribe that and add to it after I get our pictures uploaded. Basically my routine was thus: get up, make muffins, take Kirk to the beach, take Kirk to the pool, eat lunch, put Kirk down for a nap, take Kirk back to the beach, go to the other house for dinner, start drinking, put Kirk to bed, stay up late drinking and playing games.
I am beginning to wonder, however, if the constant heartburn is truly related to all the excessive drinking. I’ll give it a few more days.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Just Wait Until Your Father Comes Home
It finally happened. I’d been expecting it since I was pregnant but this was the first time. Kirk being naughty and wasn’t listening to his daddy and I heard Mr. b say, "Do you want me to call your mother in here?" Yep. I’m the threat. I’m the heavy. I always knew this day would come.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Big Boy!
For the two or so weeks leading up to Kirk’s birthday I had been talking about how we were going to take down his baby crib after his party. Because then he’ll be too big to sleep in it anymore. About a week before, he started sleeping in his Big Boy Bed instead of the crib. So on Monday, Mr. b took it apart. We asked Kirk where he wanted the bed placed and so now it’s on the same wall that the crib was on.
Once that was done we tackled the toys. Mr. b sorted through everything and asked Kirk if it should stay upstairs or go downstairs. He did a really good job making decisions. I hauled everything to the basement while they were rearranging. I still need to go through the basement toys and pick out what to keep – either as keepsakes or for the next kid – and what to take to goodwill. No matter how messy the downstairs living room may be right now, Kirk’s bedroom looks fantastic! I’m sure it won’t last…
We still need to get some shelves and a bin system of some sort. At the very least, a container for all of his cars. He had been using an old wooden bath salts box. He inherited it along with all the various cars that Mr. b and I had collected ourselves over the years. But that’s not going to be big enough anymore. Not with the motherlode of Cars merch we gave him last night! His excitement and joy was overpowering. And listening to him sing “you’ve got a friend in dee” to Woody was just about the cutest thing ever.
Once that was done we tackled the toys. Mr. b sorted through everything and asked Kirk if it should stay upstairs or go downstairs. He did a really good job making decisions. I hauled everything to the basement while they were rearranging. I still need to go through the basement toys and pick out what to keep – either as keepsakes or for the next kid – and what to take to goodwill. No matter how messy the downstairs living room may be right now, Kirk’s bedroom looks fantastic! I’m sure it won’t last…
We still need to get some shelves and a bin system of some sort. At the very least, a container for all of his cars. He had been using an old wooden bath salts box. He inherited it along with all the various cars that Mr. b and I had collected ourselves over the years. But that’s not going to be big enough anymore. Not with the motherlode of Cars merch we gave him last night! His excitement and joy was overpowering. And listening to him sing “you’ve got a friend in dee” to Woody was just about the cutest thing ever.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
36 Months
Three years ago today Kirk was born. It's hard to believe it's been that long already.
Apparently he told his daddy yesterday that he doesn't want another birthday, that it would "make him sick". Awww, poor buddy. But he's fine with more presents. Of course. We went down to the Death Star on Friday to hit the Disney store and buy him merch. So he'll get a talking Woody and a complete set of Cars tonight.
Apparently he told his daddy yesterday that he doesn't want another birthday, that it would "make him sick". Awww, poor buddy. But he's fine with more presents. Of course. We went down to the Death Star on Friday to hit the Disney store and buy him merch. So he'll get a talking Woody and a complete set of Cars tonight.
Monday, June 30, 2008
THREE!
We celebrated Kirk’s third birthday yesterday. I tried out a potato salad recipe using sweet potatoes on my unsuspecting friends and relatives.
I cut up and arranged a veggie tray myself and was very pleased with the presentation.
I had asked Kirk what kind of a cake he wanted and he very quickly responded "White!" Thinking that I needed to make sure I then asked him if he wanted a white, yellow, brown, or pink cake and again, "White!" So that was easy to make. I utterly failed at the decoration, however, and turned that duty over to Mr. b. Who clearly had fun with it.
Mr. b hauled out all of our various lightsabers and the kids had a great time chasing each other around and smacking each other.
Auntie C got Kirk a stomp rocket set. This meant that, despite her fancy party dress, A2 was gleefully climbing fences and rooftops to retrieve lost rockets all afternoon.
We were having so much fun we nearly forgot to have cake! The balloon candles were to match the balloons that Mr. b bought with a helium tank. The kids really loved releasing them.
I cut up and arranged a veggie tray myself and was very pleased with the presentation.
I had asked Kirk what kind of a cake he wanted and he very quickly responded "White!" Thinking that I needed to make sure I then asked him if he wanted a white, yellow, brown, or pink cake and again, "White!" So that was easy to make. I utterly failed at the decoration, however, and turned that duty over to Mr. b. Who clearly had fun with it.
Mr. b hauled out all of our various lightsabers and the kids had a great time chasing each other around and smacking each other.
Auntie C got Kirk a stomp rocket set. This meant that, despite her fancy party dress, A2 was gleefully climbing fences and rooftops to retrieve lost rockets all afternoon.
We were having so much fun we nearly forgot to have cake! The balloon candles were to match the balloons that Mr. b bought with a helium tank. The kids really loved releasing them.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Side-Effects
Warning: The following post contains Too Much Information. Turn back now. This is your only warning.
I’ve been off the pill for two and a half weeks now and things are weird. I haven’t been able to tell if I’m experiencing side-effects from the sudden lack of hormones in my body or if there are just a plethora of coincidences going on.
I spent most of my trip to Georgia this last weekend running to and from the bathroom. Ever since France I tend to have butt issues if I drink either too much in one sitting or just a little bit, too many days in a row. So my initial guess was that the copious amount of red wine I drank at the rehearsal dinner, coupled with the two margaritas I had the night before, was coming back to haunt me. After all, I had been awakened in the middle of the night with the worst heartburn I’ve ever had. At least since I was pregnant. And naturally I couldn’t find any antacids while quietly ransacking my aunt and uncle’s house in the dark.
But unlike previous visits from José Nus after drinking too much, this wouldn’t go away. And if it wasn’t actual diarrhea, then it was ridiculous amounts of gas. And if it wasn’t gas, then it was painful cramps. What the hell was going on? I had a mere two glasses of wine at the wedding reception, and that was spread out over the course of many hours, much not-up-to-par wedding food, and not a little bit of dancing.
My mother, evil creature that she is, suggested that perhaps I was not experiencing a hormone level adjustment. She thought it was hilarious to imply that perhaps I had already gotten knocked up. Har dee har har. Not funny. Too fast! Too fast! Maybe it’s just pre-PMS. After all, I have no idea what my cycle is like without the regulation of the pill. I believe I sped up a little last time, though a pattern is obviously not made by a mere two periods. And since intestinal issues are a semi-regular early indicator for me, maybe that’s all they’re a harbinger of?
The other strange thing that happened when I went off the pill is an inability to come. I’ve always been a believer that a woman is in charge of her own orgasm. So that’s got to be psychological, right? But why? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been preggers before. Thankfully it’s only been twice, at the beginning of the month, and seems to have stopped since then.
I don’t know how I feel about possibly being up the spout again. Already. I mean, obviously I should be grateful to be so ridiculously fertile, especially when there are so many people that have had trouble conceiving even once. And I admit that it would be kind of fun to tell my whole extended family in one fell swoop next month at the reunion. How does due date math go? February? It would be winter for sure. Gah! I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Even though I’m really not ready. And they always say you need to wait three full months after going off the pill to clear out your system, or else you’re at increased risk for miscarriage. Which I don’t know how I’d be able to handle, not to mention Mr. b.
I’ve been off the pill for two and a half weeks now and things are weird. I haven’t been able to tell if I’m experiencing side-effects from the sudden lack of hormones in my body or if there are just a plethora of coincidences going on.
I spent most of my trip to Georgia this last weekend running to and from the bathroom. Ever since France I tend to have butt issues if I drink either too much in one sitting or just a little bit, too many days in a row. So my initial guess was that the copious amount of red wine I drank at the rehearsal dinner, coupled with the two margaritas I had the night before, was coming back to haunt me. After all, I had been awakened in the middle of the night with the worst heartburn I’ve ever had. At least since I was pregnant. And naturally I couldn’t find any antacids while quietly ransacking my aunt and uncle’s house in the dark.
But unlike previous visits from José Nus after drinking too much, this wouldn’t go away. And if it wasn’t actual diarrhea, then it was ridiculous amounts of gas. And if it wasn’t gas, then it was painful cramps. What the hell was going on? I had a mere two glasses of wine at the wedding reception, and that was spread out over the course of many hours, much not-up-to-par wedding food, and not a little bit of dancing.
My mother, evil creature that she is, suggested that perhaps I was not experiencing a hormone level adjustment. She thought it was hilarious to imply that perhaps I had already gotten knocked up. Har dee har har. Not funny. Too fast! Too fast! Maybe it’s just pre-PMS. After all, I have no idea what my cycle is like without the regulation of the pill. I believe I sped up a little last time, though a pattern is obviously not made by a mere two periods. And since intestinal issues are a semi-regular early indicator for me, maybe that’s all they’re a harbinger of?
The other strange thing that happened when I went off the pill is an inability to come. I’ve always been a believer that a woman is in charge of her own orgasm. So that’s got to be psychological, right? But why? I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been preggers before. Thankfully it’s only been twice, at the beginning of the month, and seems to have stopped since then.
I don’t know how I feel about possibly being up the spout again. Already. I mean, obviously I should be grateful to be so ridiculously fertile, especially when there are so many people that have had trouble conceiving even once. And I admit that it would be kind of fun to tell my whole extended family in one fell swoop next month at the reunion. How does due date math go? February? It would be winter for sure. Gah! I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Even though I’m really not ready. And they always say you need to wait three full months after going off the pill to clear out your system, or else you’re at increased risk for miscarriage. Which I don’t know how I’d be able to handle, not to mention Mr. b.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Birthday Boy
What do you get for a three year old's birthday? We've been thinking of having a balloon theme for his party, not because of any particularly excessive attachment to balloons on Kirk's part, but rather it's an easy thing to do. Balloon's are simple party favors and I think Mr. b would like to have an excuse to rent a helium tank.
Kirk's not really old enough to want anything and he certainly doesn't really need anything. He's starting to see stuff on TV and ask for it, but he hasn't gotten to the point where he throws a fit. He'll try to sneak the point-of-sale items onto the check out conveyor belt or into the cart but doesn't notice when they don't actually make it home. He'll declare that he "has that" when he sees a toy he really likes on an ad or in a catalogue.
I've been trying to work with him on telling me what he wants for his birthday. He knows that his birthday is next (technically it's Grandpa's but since he's in Texas I guess we'll give Kirk a pass on that one this year) because it's after mine. My birthday is when it's almost hot. Kirk's birthday is when it's hot. (Again, maybe not the best explanation for a cool summer like we seem to be having but it was the best I could do all winter long as cousin after cousin celebrated their birthdays.)
So far Kirk has requested the following:
a birthday hat
Lightning McQueen cars (including Mack and "the naughty cars")
Finding Nemo jammies
And that's it. That's all I have to go on.
Kirk's not really old enough to want anything and he certainly doesn't really need anything. He's starting to see stuff on TV and ask for it, but he hasn't gotten to the point where he throws a fit. He'll try to sneak the point-of-sale items onto the check out conveyor belt or into the cart but doesn't notice when they don't actually make it home. He'll declare that he "has that" when he sees a toy he really likes on an ad or in a catalogue.
I've been trying to work with him on telling me what he wants for his birthday. He knows that his birthday is next (technically it's Grandpa's but since he's in Texas I guess we'll give Kirk a pass on that one this year) because it's after mine. My birthday is when it's almost hot. Kirk's birthday is when it's hot. (Again, maybe not the best explanation for a cool summer like we seem to be having but it was the best I could do all winter long as cousin after cousin celebrated their birthdays.)
So far Kirk has requested the following:
And that's it. That's all I have to go on.
Friday, June 06, 2008
belsum the Vampire Reader
I’ve accidentally gotten addicted to reading vampire books. It’s no mere seasonal thing like I thought before. Maybe it’s because I’ve been watching Buffy for the first time ever? But really, these things are awesome! They’re like…the perfect smut for a sci-fi chick! And who doesn’t like that? I had previously thought there were only two choices for dirty books: literature like Henry Miller and Charles Bukowski or Harlequin bodice-ripping romance novels. Yet there’s this whole world out there!
I was looking forward to Bloodsucking Fiends since I’ve enjoyed the two previous Christopher Moore books I’ve read. It was nice to have a female vampire protagonist, Jody, for a change. And since she wasn’t centuries old it was a brand new perspective on the idea of becoming undead. There was a bit of a mystery and a bit of a love story and yet it was mostly just plain hilarious and absurd. Jody’s boyfriend, Tommy, and his friends/co-workers added a really fun and exuberant element. There’s a sequel, You Suck, which I fully intend to read, this time not just because I’m working my way through Moore’s oeuvre. Mr. b accidentally read the sequel first so I know that it will feature the boyfriend and I look forward to his perspective on becoming a vamp.
Twilight had been recommended to me a few times and I knew that it was big with The Kids. I read a review of Stephenie Meyer’s latest book and it sounded good so I figured I’d like this one. What an understatement. I completely and utterly fell in love with the protagonist, Bella, and her vampire boyfriend, Edward. There were some major changes to “standard” vampire mythology but they all fit within the confines of the world that was created. And as a romance, it was completely chaste, yet extremely passionate. I can fully understand why it has so caught on with the middle school crowd and I’m really excited that they’re making a movie. I am thrilled that there are two more books already published and at least one more in progress.
There were a lot of differences between Sunshine and the other two books. Robin McKinley created a dense and fully believable world, but it was a modern alternate universe. Whereas in the previous two vampires were secret and unknown to the outside populace, New Arcadia was still recovering from the last war with Others, vampires being the darkest of those. The technology and setting was modern, but with alt labels and names for things we have in our own world. And there’re demons and monsters and sorcerers. The complete realization of the way that magic functions within that universe reminded me a lot of the Dresden Files. There was the same dank realism, the same hard boiled edge. Though Sunshine herself is going through a voyage of self-discovery, so it also reminded me of War for the Oaks. Events and circumstances thrust her deep into the unknown, and by the end, I wanted more. In general this was a much more adult story and I simply adored it. I’m not aware of a sequel, and maybe it wouldn’t be possible to write one without diminishing some of the elements that made this book so enchanting, but I’d read it anyway.
I was looking forward to Bloodsucking Fiends since I’ve enjoyed the two previous Christopher Moore books I’ve read. It was nice to have a female vampire protagonist, Jody, for a change. And since she wasn’t centuries old it was a brand new perspective on the idea of becoming undead. There was a bit of a mystery and a bit of a love story and yet it was mostly just plain hilarious and absurd. Jody’s boyfriend, Tommy, and his friends/co-workers added a really fun and exuberant element. There’s a sequel, You Suck, which I fully intend to read, this time not just because I’m working my way through Moore’s oeuvre. Mr. b accidentally read the sequel first so I know that it will feature the boyfriend and I look forward to his perspective on becoming a vamp.
Twilight had been recommended to me a few times and I knew that it was big with The Kids. I read a review of Stephenie Meyer’s latest book and it sounded good so I figured I’d like this one. What an understatement. I completely and utterly fell in love with the protagonist, Bella, and her vampire boyfriend, Edward. There were some major changes to “standard” vampire mythology but they all fit within the confines of the world that was created. And as a romance, it was completely chaste, yet extremely passionate. I can fully understand why it has so caught on with the middle school crowd and I’m really excited that they’re making a movie. I am thrilled that there are two more books already published and at least one more in progress.
There were a lot of differences between Sunshine and the other two books. Robin McKinley created a dense and fully believable world, but it was a modern alternate universe. Whereas in the previous two vampires were secret and unknown to the outside populace, New Arcadia was still recovering from the last war with Others, vampires being the darkest of those. The technology and setting was modern, but with alt labels and names for things we have in our own world. And there’re demons and monsters and sorcerers. The complete realization of the way that magic functions within that universe reminded me a lot of the Dresden Files. There was the same dank realism, the same hard boiled edge. Though Sunshine herself is going through a voyage of self-discovery, so it also reminded me of War for the Oaks. Events and circumstances thrust her deep into the unknown, and by the end, I wanted more. In general this was a much more adult story and I simply adored it. I’m not aware of a sequel, and maybe it wouldn’t be possible to write one without diminishing some of the elements that made this book so enchanting, but I’d read it anyway.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Imagine all the Poopies
Kirk’s sense of humor and imagination has really been flourishing of late. It’s so much fun to watch happen. And it’s usually hysterical to hear.
He likes to have nouns in his favorite books replaced with “fart” or “poop”. You have to keep up the replacement while reading the whole thing and he’ll just giggle and cackle every single time. Clearly he’s going to be into Mad-Libs before too long.
When he’s being a pain in the ass and not doing something we need to have him do, it’s inevitably because whatever he’s doing – running around in circles, trying to put his diaper on over his pants – is “funny”. Except it’s not. But I’m so glad he thinks it is!
He’s begun to be more of a storyteller, too. I overheard some game he was playing in the bathtub the other day. He was the bus driver and Mr. b was the passenger and he was going on and on about needing to get to the strawberry store but oops, the bus needs more batteries. I’m not doing it any kind of justice at all. It was a lengthy one-act and it was all of his own devising.
Kirk’s been telling other people about his band. It’s called Steggy Steggy. (Or is that Steggie Steggie?) He plays guitar, his mama plays drums, his daddy plays bass, and his kitties play keyboards. His band has band practice and gigs. He sings and jumps and does headstands. It sounds quite impressive. I’d really like to see the show someday!
But my favorite thing is his caring for the mustard bottle. That’s right, a big ol’ yellow Plochman’s bottle. He would play with it in the refrigerator door, taking the little cap off and putting it back on, so when it was empty I washed it out and gave it to him as a bath toy. Then he started talking about how his mustard bottle is sick. And hungry. And sad. And tired. And he needs to keep his mustard bottle safe. We’ve put paper towel diapers on the mustard bottle. The nuturing behavior has extended on occasion to the plastic green slinky his kitties gave him for Christmas and an assortment of small plastic dinosaurs. I’ve had to actually pull out jammies and “put them on” them. He’ll then cuddle with whatever-it-is when he goes to bed at night. It’s sweet and hilarious.
He likes to have nouns in his favorite books replaced with “fart” or “poop”. You have to keep up the replacement while reading the whole thing and he’ll just giggle and cackle every single time. Clearly he’s going to be into Mad-Libs before too long.
When he’s being a pain in the ass and not doing something we need to have him do, it’s inevitably because whatever he’s doing – running around in circles, trying to put his diaper on over his pants – is “funny”. Except it’s not. But I’m so glad he thinks it is!
He’s begun to be more of a storyteller, too. I overheard some game he was playing in the bathtub the other day. He was the bus driver and Mr. b was the passenger and he was going on and on about needing to get to the strawberry store but oops, the bus needs more batteries. I’m not doing it any kind of justice at all. It was a lengthy one-act and it was all of his own devising.
Kirk’s been telling other people about his band. It’s called Steggy Steggy. (Or is that Steggie Steggie?) He plays guitar, his mama plays drums, his daddy plays bass, and his kitties play keyboards. His band has band practice and gigs. He sings and jumps and does headstands. It sounds quite impressive. I’d really like to see the show someday!
But my favorite thing is his caring for the mustard bottle. That’s right, a big ol’ yellow Plochman’s bottle. He would play with it in the refrigerator door, taking the little cap off and putting it back on, so when it was empty I washed it out and gave it to him as a bath toy. Then he started talking about how his mustard bottle is sick. And hungry. And sad. And tired. And he needs to keep his mustard bottle safe. We’ve put paper towel diapers on the mustard bottle. The nuturing behavior has extended on occasion to the plastic green slinky his kitties gave him for Christmas and an assortment of small plastic dinosaurs. I’ve had to actually pull out jammies and “put them on” them. He’ll then cuddle with whatever-it-is when he goes to bed at night. It’s sweet and hilarious.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Whine, Whine, Crab, and Complain
Usually I go into a black funk about once a year and usually it’s in the dead of winter. One would assume that means that it’s a seasonal thing, lack of light and warmth and whatnot. But it’s lack of friends that does it to me. And usually the dead of winter is when no one is going out. The holidays are done, everyone is broke, but we haven’t yet crossed that line where we’re all so fed up with the snow and cold that we say Fuck it and go out anyway. For some reason that didn’t really happen to me this winter. Which is odd because this was the winter that wouldn’t frickin’ end.
But I’m feeling it now. And it’s not just a lengthy separation from humans that is doing it this time. It’s a strong feeling of actual betrayal. Like I’m not worth anyone’s time and effort.
I’m expected to go to people’s events. I’m expected to care about people’s stuff. And I genuinely do care and I genuinely enjoy attending! I don’t think I’m naively overestimating my importance to my circle of friends. I know that everybody is older and busier. There are kids and pregnancies and spreading families and business trips and health issues and family drama and people have moved away and there’s career focus and fame and chores and break-ups and new loves and yardwork and home improvements and trips and surprises and real life stuff that gets in the way all the time. I love seeing how everyone has grown. I love hearing everyone’s stories, good and bad. But why am I the only one listening?
I guess it’s the concept of a two-way friendship. Who’s doing all the work? Who’s making the plans and seeing them through? Who’s putting in the effort? If it’s always in one direction, then why is it continuing? And that’s what bothers me so much this time. If it doesn’t work out, great. But that also means it’s never going to happen. Because I’m the only one that’s going to set it up or go the distance.
Is that naïve? Is that bitchy? Is that realistic? Is that pessimistic? Is that haughty? I don’t know. Maybe I’m being an elitist and setting myself apart from everyone else. Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself and being a baby.
There’s so much talk about how the internet brings people together. And I believe that strongly. I have so many wonderful friendships that would never have been possible without email and message boards. When I was little I used to long for pen pals. The internet has certainly provided them, domestic as well as international. And the US Postal Service can likely attest to the fact that long distance sharing and gift giving has increased with those long distance relationships. But what about the local ones? What about when you stop emailing friends and expect them to just read your blog instead? What about when you won’t respond to email and communication is relegated to blog comments only? What about when it’s just easier to send a text message instead of actually showing up? What about when it’s too much trouble to change your own plans to accommodate someone that’s coming a long way? The trick with Facebook and MySpace and everything else is that we’ve all become internet friends without meaning to. We don’t actually see each other any more. Most people don’t even use the phone.
I’m certainly not excluding myself from this behavior. I’m overjoyed when I find out someone will text me back quicker than call back. It’s easier. I definitely haven’t returned the favor for people that have made the effort, whether it involves travel or a trip to the post office. I blow off parties and shows and use lack of babysitter as an excuse when I just don’t want to put in the effort. And yet I still seem to get out. Sometimes more than people than don’t have kids as their primary excuse. So what does that say about me? That I’m better than everyone else and I deserve a medal? Or that I’m more desperate and I crave the company of fellow humans and feed off companionship to function? Are they the same thing? Should I just suck it up and get over myself? Do I have an actual legitimate grudge? I am actually pretty pissed. But I’m not very good at holding grudges. It seems like a good idea until I actually see someone again. Or talk to them on the phone. Or email them. Usually email. I live for email. It’s my fault I guess. One or two close friends versus a wide circle of friends of varying closeness? I like both options. I just like having friends. And I want to know where the hell they went.
But I’m feeling it now. And it’s not just a lengthy separation from humans that is doing it this time. It’s a strong feeling of actual betrayal. Like I’m not worth anyone’s time and effort.
I’m expected to go to people’s events. I’m expected to care about people’s stuff. And I genuinely do care and I genuinely enjoy attending! I don’t think I’m naively overestimating my importance to my circle of friends. I know that everybody is older and busier. There are kids and pregnancies and spreading families and business trips and health issues and family drama and people have moved away and there’s career focus and fame and chores and break-ups and new loves and yardwork and home improvements and trips and surprises and real life stuff that gets in the way all the time. I love seeing how everyone has grown. I love hearing everyone’s stories, good and bad. But why am I the only one listening?
I guess it’s the concept of a two-way friendship. Who’s doing all the work? Who’s making the plans and seeing them through? Who’s putting in the effort? If it’s always in one direction, then why is it continuing? And that’s what bothers me so much this time. If it doesn’t work out, great. But that also means it’s never going to happen. Because I’m the only one that’s going to set it up or go the distance.
Is that naïve? Is that bitchy? Is that realistic? Is that pessimistic? Is that haughty? I don’t know. Maybe I’m being an elitist and setting myself apart from everyone else. Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself and being a baby.
There’s so much talk about how the internet brings people together. And I believe that strongly. I have so many wonderful friendships that would never have been possible without email and message boards. When I was little I used to long for pen pals. The internet has certainly provided them, domestic as well as international. And the US Postal Service can likely attest to the fact that long distance sharing and gift giving has increased with those long distance relationships. But what about the local ones? What about when you stop emailing friends and expect them to just read your blog instead? What about when you won’t respond to email and communication is relegated to blog comments only? What about when it’s just easier to send a text message instead of actually showing up? What about when it’s too much trouble to change your own plans to accommodate someone that’s coming a long way? The trick with Facebook and MySpace and everything else is that we’ve all become internet friends without meaning to. We don’t actually see each other any more. Most people don’t even use the phone.
I’m certainly not excluding myself from this behavior. I’m overjoyed when I find out someone will text me back quicker than call back. It’s easier. I definitely haven’t returned the favor for people that have made the effort, whether it involves travel or a trip to the post office. I blow off parties and shows and use lack of babysitter as an excuse when I just don’t want to put in the effort. And yet I still seem to get out. Sometimes more than people than don’t have kids as their primary excuse. So what does that say about me? That I’m better than everyone else and I deserve a medal? Or that I’m more desperate and I crave the company of fellow humans and feed off companionship to function? Are they the same thing? Should I just suck it up and get over myself? Do I have an actual legitimate grudge? I am actually pretty pissed. But I’m not very good at holding grudges. It seems like a good idea until I actually see someone again. Or talk to them on the phone. Or email them. Usually email. I live for email. It’s my fault I guess. One or two close friends versus a wide circle of friends of varying closeness? I like both options. I just like having friends. And I want to know where the hell they went.
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